You are wrong, fatherjohn.......

(With apologies to Lewis Carroll)

“You are wrong, fatherjohn,” the posters all said,
“And it seems that you hate SUVs.
And now you’ve gone after the solar-type stuff.
Can you say why you post this crap, please?”

“In my youth,” fatherjohn then replied to the board,
“I feared it might injure the brain,
But, now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again!”

“You are wrong, fatherjohn,” the teeming crowd said,
“And all logic has been quite ignored.
Tell us, please, why do you skip by the facts
That refute what you you’ve said on the board?”

“I haven’t ignored it,” the fatherjohn said,
“I saw as it WHOOOOOOOSHED by my head.
The fatherjohn muttered ‘ground clearance’ again ----
It worked SO well in the old thread.”

“You are wrong, fatherjohn,” as I mentioned before,
“I don’t see why you think as you do.
Perhaps you could show us a cite to explain
Or supporting facts - just one or two?”

“But I have,” fatherjohn then replied to the board,
"I have given you facts quite enough.
I have already named for you two types of fruit
Not to mention some black kitchen stuff!

“You are wrong, fatherjohn,” the multitudes said,
“And your statements don’t match what you cite.
So why do you try to insist that they do?
Could you possibly think that you’re right?”

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,”
Said the FJ, "It’s starting to bore ----
Do you think I have time to reply to this stuff?
Now be off, while I post somewhere ‘SCORE!!’"

(The original)

Very good, but wouldn’t Jabberwocky have been more appropriate?

“Twas brillig in the SUV…”

Something like that.

The flames were burning in the Pit
Burning with all their might
The heat of their invective was
Lost in endless night
The ignorance of fatherjohn
Did suck up all their light.

Pontificating moodily
Because he thought it fun
The fatherjohn ignored the rest
Thinking he had won.
“It’s very rude of them,” he said,"
To try to spoil my fun."

The Pit, it is a hostile place
And words of scorn to fly
Yet clueless fatherjohn can do
Naught but sit and cry
He protested he was right
And that his words were wry.

The Pitizens did join the fray
And battled hand-to-hand
Some of them wondered privately,
“Would fatherjohn be banned?”
“If only he would go away,”
They said, “It would be grand!”

“If fatherjohn had seven threads
And in each was a jerk
Do you suppose,” the posters said,
“That we could wipe his smirk?”
"I doubt it, " said the Pitizens,
“He’s too large a piece of work.”

“O fatherjohn, come talk with us!”
The posters did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Please back up your speech!
Perhaps we can clear these things up.
Give us a cite to reach!”

fatherjohn just glared at them
And uttered his refrain:
“Go back and read my OP again.”
And rolled his eyes again.
Meaning to say he did not choose
To deal with their disdain.

Then other posters hurried up
To ask what did he mean?
They thought The Putz was serious.
What knowledge could they glean?
And this was odd, 'cause fatherjohn’s
Method has been seen.

The other posters asked again,
To please answer their question
“Pot and Kettle!” came the reply,
“I scoff at your suggestion!
I win this round, you kitchenware!
You give me indigestion!”

The Pitizens explained to him
That his logic was quite poor.
They countered all his arguments,
Provided cites and more.
And all the while the fatherjohn
Just acted like a boor.

“The time has come,” the posters said,
“To talk of many things.
Of stickers on offensive cars
Of idiotic ‘zings’
Of SUVs and solar cells.
What knowledge does he bring?”

“Wait a bit,” fatherjohn cried,
“It’s clear for all to see!
All you have to do is this:
Understand my OP!
For none of you can comprehend
What I explain to thee.”

“We understand you are an ass,
And what we chiefly need
Is for you to make your point
And do it with some speed!
Your arguments are circular.
Your case, sir, please do plead!”

fatherjohn replied to that,
Turning a little blue,
“You are a pot, I say again.
I will not give to you
A logical response because
I win, and not you!”

“How claim you that, dear fatherjohn?
Have you not heard a word?
You say that your logic is sound,
But your brain is from a bird!
The poseur page you’ll have us read
Is worth less than a turd!”

“It seems a shame,” fatherjohn said,
“To play them such a trick,
I pull the strings and buttons push,
And they reply so quick!
Apples and oranges
I’ll compare until they’re sick!”

“We weep for you,” the posters said,
“We deeply sympathize.
It must be hard to live your life
With a brain so small a size.
You make an asshole of yourself
Before the World’s eyes!”

“You are all pots, calling me black!”
fatherjohn again replied.
“All of you are sore to lose!”
Well, at least the posters tried.
fatherjohn remains a putz
The posters can’t abide.

Hey, how did SUV boy get banned? I’m sort of curious about that. Not that it matters.


Apparently fatherjohn was a sock puppet for a (twice) banned poster. Coldfire mentions it here and Lynn Bodoni tosses him out a few posts later.

Johnny L.A.: Loved your poem! Especially “I win this round, you kitchenware!”

Almost a shame to lose such a inspiration…


I never would have done it without you, YWalker! (Oh, and Mr. Carroll, of course!) I just wish I had caught the typos before I posted it.