Watching ROTK with my roommate and his girlfriend

  • cynicism; Éomer’s pep talk is scoffed at. This was mostly his girlfriend, and I hope that the roommate did not do this, being a future marine officer. I may have gone insane if I had stayed until Théoden’s speech, which was one of my favorite parts.

  • Agent Smith impersonations whenever Elrond appears. LORD OF THE RINGS. NOT MATRIX. NOT MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS.

  • “what the fuck is a rohirrim?” A man of Rohan. That is not tough to deduce. Your lack of critical thinking has led me to the conclusion that I should chop your skull open and befoul your brain with my filth, since you don’t seem to be using it at all except to fight on the phone with your boyfriend every other night.

  • “aiee!”, whoops, yells, grunts; cannot hold in his excitement, like a small child. Something tells me I wouldn’t be his friend if I met him in a movie theatre.

  • “why doesn’t he act dead?” when Faramir’s XO is approached by orcs while dying on the ground. Why don’t I crush your ribcage with a maul so we can see how easy that is? Fucking bitch. Go home.

  • telling the characters to shut up, cursing them like a foul-mouthed schoolboy, etc. The razor-sharp irony bled my patience dry. And Éowyn of all people…

  • “Frodo is useless” everytime he appears; the true nature of the ring is lost to the roommate even after watching the entire trilogy.

  • tactics analyses; Why does Faramir’s suicide squad need tactics? How would the marine corps’s doctrine of warfare, albeit a reservist’s limited view of it, apply to medieval warfare in a fantasy setting? And HOW IN THE FUCK do you “outflank” a city with an already small attacking force? And is a flanking maneuver an always-viable tactic? Ever heard of a fucking beach assault, marine? marines lick balls anyways. Rangers lead the way!

  • “I would not want to be in a war of attrition.” No shit. I would like to live in Middle-Earth, though. Being a hobbit would be great. Food, drink, song, and smoking a pipe while staring at the unpolluted, starry sky. Or maybe a man of Rohan. Their helmets and culture remind of the Norsemen. In fact, there are many Germanic influences upon Tolkien; the most evident is the use of “<name>, son of <father>”. Doesn’t it remind you of the Scandinvian surnames? Whenever the characters introduce themselves, I immediately use the Scandinavian format in my mind, like Théoden Thengelson. Oh I’m sorry, were you trying to watch the movie?

  • constantly asking questions two seconds before the movie answers them motherfucker motherfucker i keel joo maing

  • “Did you read the books?” How many times did you ask me this now? Is the concept of reading anything other than books about marines that foreign to you, or do you have the memory of a octogenerian whose brain has been half-eaten away by Alzheimer’s Disease and successive strokes? Either way, I should gouge your eyes out with a spoon. A rusty one used by a heroin junkie, at that.

  • “Oh shit” whenever something bad is about to happen. The tone in which he constantly utters this phrase is the worst part. The annoyance it gives to all who hear it cannot be described in words. One must experience it for himself.

  • constantly confusing names and forgetting things altogether. Someone who cannot distinguish between “Gondor” and “Gandalf” is beyond hope. Should they have been named Seattle and Sean? I bet that would help, wouldn’t it?

  • The girlfriend bothering to ask questions when she starts watching a trilogy with the third installment. And she laughed at Éomer! He should behead her, and burn her house to the ground!

  • (while trying to watch the movie myself the next day) “why are you using the subtitles?” Maybe because I like them. Maybe because I don’t like to miss any of the dialogue. Or maybe because I was trying to watch the movie while washing the dishes that you and your slob of a girlfriend managed to pile up in the sink after only two days.

  • offers of food. Please stop. The two of you cook like I write essays.

  • having to think about all these things while trying to enjoy the movie. having to live with the fact that I lost. I could not take these annoyances in stride. I should have stayed for the duration of the movie. It would have built character.

  • went back to playing Fallout 2 after Aragorn receives Narsil (after roommate told Éowyn to shut up). Went on a killing spree, and received the following titles: berserker, childkiller, demonspawn. I also porked Bishop’s wife, his daughter, performed in a movie at the porn studio, and spent all the earnings at the local whorehouse. Myron was also annoying me, so I extracted his brain at the Sierra Army Depot. You would think that the brain of a guy as smart as Myron would somehow be distinguished from other human brains, but noooo. To put this theory to the test, I had to extract Vic’s brain as well. I wish I could get more brains to collect, but evil people have it rough in terms of NPC selection. Heil Dainsleif the Vile. That rhymes!

  • Hearing all of the above even as I am in my room trying to play Fallout. I hate you Jesus.

  • Letting all of this out really feels good. I should do it more often. Mom was right! Du bist der beste Mutter auf die Welt!

  • I have two papers to write, one of which is already late, for a class that I am not doing well in. Why am I doing this?

Tell us how you really feel.

Yeah! Don’t sugar coat your words!

A woman at work had watched FOTR and was wildly enthusiastic. “Cool,” I thought. “Now I have someone to talk to about the movie.”

Trouble was, she couldn’t remember the names of any of the characters. “Which one was Frodo? Was he the tall blond guy?” She couldn’t remember anything about the plot. “Why were they walking all that way? What were they going to do?” And she hadn’t a clue that there were more movies. “Oh, I thought it ended kind of unresolved . . .”

Gah. How do brainless people get jobs?

I sympathise with you on every other point, but they’re right about this. Unless the true nature of the Ring is to manipulate casting directors into picking complete fuckwits to play major roles, that is. Regardless; having sat through Spy Game with friends who couldn’t even understand a single-cross at fifty paces with sign posts and big neon letters saying “this is the bad guy”, I feel your pain.

Oh, and welcome to the Straight Dope Message Boards, Dainsleif. :slight_smile:

I believe that LOTR is one of the worst books I have ever read. Childish, pointless and unbelievably boring.

Nooo!!! Evil, evil he is, precious!!!

It CAN be fun, with people who’ve seen the movies many times, to sit around and sort of do an MST3K sometimes, but some people you just want to smack.

A friend of mine heard this remark: “I loved LOTR, but the movie novelization was BORING!!!”


You think that’s bad? Just be glad it wasn’t happening in the theater on opening night.

You like LOTR and Fallout. You should mix pretty well with the crowd. Just remember I was the first one to ask you to be friends. Welcome… ehm… Live long and prosper.-
P.D. Excellent rant.

And that has what exactly to do with someones experience of watching ROTK with other people?

Anyway Dainsleif I think a lot of people have been in similar situations… When I watched the Two Towers with my sister, it was about half way through, and shed seen FOTR, she turned and asked me “Which one is Gandalf?” :smack:

That’s a sig line if I ever saw one. I’ll borrow it for a few days Guin, with your permission, the folks at Caffe Society will love or pit me… either way it will be funny.-

Go right ahead-just don’t attribute it to ME directly. (Just say it was something I heard).

(I’ve read the book twice already since January. And I want to read it AGAIN. Damn, I could kick myself for not reading it earlier!)

I dislike some people’s attitude who treat LOTR like it is the Holiest of the Holy Books. According to them, someone who is ignorant of the book and doesn’t care to read it, deserves to be stoned to death.

See? That’s the attitude I am talking about.

And this attitude has been expressed where, exactly, in this thread?

No, it isn’t.

Why? Someone who wathces the movie without having read the book first will have a hard time remembering all those names.

Hm. 6/10 for absurdity and pointlessness, but only 2/10 for style. No, I’m not going to award points for ‘gutsiness’: We’ve banned most of the real weapons around here, so this is a safe zone.

In other words, you wouldn’t get one reply on Slashdot, and only the twerps who browse at -1 would even know your name. I suggest you substantially revise prior to submitting this for a grade.

No, but the woman had seen the first movie. And I could see mixing up the hobbits-(until seeing the 3rd, I kept getting Merry and Pippin confused!), but Gandalf’s a pretty unique character. If she had seen FOTR, she should remember who Gandalf is (big guy with a grey beard-well, white now. Unless she meant Saruman, but Ian McKellen and Christopher Lee don’t look at ALL alike!)

BTW, I was merely joking-you don’t HAVE to like the books. You don’t even have to read them.

But honestly, people, don’t be stupid.

What Guin said. Also, you’re justifying your first post by referencing something posted almost an hour later. On top of that, :smack: does not equate “stoning [someone] to death,” even after taking your hyperbole into account. And lastly, regardless of what is being watched, people who ask questions about a movie while you’re trying to watch the movie are fucking annoying on general principles. Shut up, watch the screen, and figure it out on your own. It ain’t hard: he’s the guy everyone is calling “Gandalf.”

I honestly didn’t like reading the LOTR. And there is no way in this world I am going to read something like the “Silmarilion”. But I liked “The Hobbit” if it makes you happy. :slight_smile:

BTW, I don’t like fantasy and (most of) sci-fi books in general. Not my cup of tea!