Wah ha! No, but I think the procedure in my post was performed by that surgeon’s cousin who specialized in metallic “enhancements,” probably for a similar fee.
BTW, Qadgop the Mercotan needs to write a book—nay, several books.
omg ow!!! Ow ow ow owo wowo owwww!!!
If you ever consider changing your username, I recommend “Double Stuf.”
Off topic, but you were near the last class entitled to wear the Pallas Athene, yes?
Oh, oh! I have a pus story! Scrubbing dried angel hair from a colander, a strand lodged under my thumb finger nail like a splinter, then broke off as I tried to pull it out. It was about a quarter inch in there, and it was difficult to be able to see it in there under my finger nail, and no way to extract it.
Over the next few days, it changed color and became more painful, and I could feel pressure. My neighbor suggested I heat up a sharp object, like a needle, with flame, and then pierce the finger nail to relieve the pressure. I did, and a tiny pus fountain emerged. It all drained out and with some antiseptic cleaning, no further infection. Of course, that part of the nail was dead and discolored until it all grew out some weeks later.
Another time I stubbed my big toe on a rock while hiking, and the nail died entire, turned black, and started to release as the new nail started to grow back. The old one was near letting go, and I moved a pile of laundry with my foot, and lo and behold, the nail raised up off the nailbed like the hood of a car. Not painful, and a couple snips with the clippers and it was completely off.
Every now and again my insides get really loud from the screaming.
The inside screaming is what happens when I read these threads. Heavens to Betsy I never can stop m’self.
Oh, hon, no offense, but that didn’t need the extra TMI warning. Hell, that story was almost cute! Who’s the cute widdle TMI story? You are! Yes, you are!
Seriously, though, I’m glad you seem to have avoided cancer of the hoo-ha. (Man, I hope I never have to say that again…) And your story made me laugh, so thanks!
Sorry, I don’t have anything near high enough caliber to join the likes of what’s been posted so far!
I kinda want to break out the hand mirror and check my stuff for symmetry now. 
Not nearly as good as some of the above, but nonetheless, I am compelled to contribute.
I was turning my horse around in the aisle of the barn and he stepped on my foot, twisting his hoof as he did so, pulling my right big toe nail out of the nail bed. I didn’t realize what he’d done until I pulled my boot off (field boots, so I needed help) and saw my toe nail sticking out of the toe of my sock at a weird angle. I tried to put it back, but it fell off a day later.
Hurt like heck for the first few days and I had to wear socks with sandals until it toughened up.
You people are crazy. I think I like it here.
Happy to help with a precise measurement…purely in the name of science I swear 
I just recently had what looked like a pimple turn into a nice infected abcess. Which finally opened up with a light touch of a razor blade. When i finished squeezing it all out…I had about 2 shot glasses worth of crud.
The doctor had to drill through my sisters big toenail to release a fountain of pus.
Thanks! Stay around a while. You think like we do.
However, you got NOTHING on Broomstick. She starts her story on post #44; it’s an SDMB classic!
Broomstick’s story is one of the reasons I joined in the first place. It gets resurrected fairly regularly to win new followers.
This thread totally needs pictures.
Yep. Broomstick’s story won me over before I joined.
Oh. My. Og.
I just read Broomstick’s zit story…
After I had my hernia fixed in March, things were going swimmingly. The surgeon had used dissolving sutures and I had what I thought was a cluster of them on one end of the incision. (The abdominal tissue that keeps everything inside had basically shredded like cheesecloth thanks to an old gallbladder operation, pregnancy, and obesity. There seems to be something about that incision that causes problems.)
Anyway, one night I was sitting on the couch, probably reading the Dope, and the incision itched. I scratched it and noticed that there seemed to be a bit of fluid, so I rolled it around to have a look. A little bit of goop came out of the incision, and it was opaque and thick, rather than clear and thin. I took a photo of it in case the surgeon didn’t believe me.
Since I’d been told that opaque and thick was not a good sign, I called the surgeon’s office in the morning. They told me to come in right away, which I did. The surgeon looked at it, refused to do anything further, and told me to keep it covered and gave me a prescription for Bactrim. He also told me to clean the incision with a Q-Tip and hydrogen peroxide.
When I got home, I checked the incision again to clean it, and as I did, I rolled it around a bit to make sure I covered all of it. A good-size gob of what looked like pus came out. What I thought had been a clump of sutures was really fluid. I still don’t know if the fluid really was pus, or if it was just a pocket of fluid that hadn’t been re-absorbed and chose to leave via another route. But it felt really weird to have that much goop come out of me at once. At least that’s all the goop that came out. I haven’t had any trouble since, and the incision has healed nicely.
And then there’s the abscessed Bartholin’s gland cyst, but that’s another story for another time.
I have, perhaps unfortunately, no TMI stories to my name, or I would contribute them. I was awake once while a nurse removed a nasogastric tube, that was kinda cool.
Holy… Not so much gross as that just sounds like it hurt like a motherfucker.
So that’s why I have to pee twice about an hour apart after drinking a litre of tea.
When I was in the hospital following a burst appendix at age 8, I pulled that one out a couple of times.