I got to thinking this morning that people seem less reluctant to share certain details of their lives. [geezer mode] Back in my day, we kept our business to ourselves, dagnabbit[/geezer mode] I’m not talking about hiding such things as abuse or alcoholism and the like - rather, I refer to things that are best not shared [sub]like all the toilet-related threads here[/sub] and I thought it might make for an amusing game.
Anyway, here’s some examples:
I had to go to the doctor’s yesterday. Bummer. I had this thing on my ass that hurt like hell… um, TMI. … and when the doctor lanced it, there was blood and pus and this thing that looked like… WHOA! Way TMI!! Look - I’ve got pictures! Shoot me. Shoot me now!
Or:
I walked in on my parents having sex. Bummer. They had all these sex toys. TMI, bud. Mom was wearing this leather and sequin harness set with a day-glo strap on, and Dad was tied to… NOOOOO! Way TMI!! Look - I’ve got pictures! Shoot me. Shoot me now!
OK, your turn!
I was really in pain one night several years ago and went to the emergency room. They xrayed and all that stuff and said I had a kidney stone. They decided to admit me overnight for observation as they thought I might pass it soon and I had good medical insurance Bummer.
I asked about how a kidney stone is passed. They told me it dislodges from the kidney, through the urethra, the urinary tract, the colon and eventually out the ass (or something like that). Ok I wasn’t paying that much attention cause it hurt like hell and they gave me some pain meds. TMI, bud.
*I passed the kidney stone a few hours later. I was on the toilet when it happened. There was blood all in the toilet and this bigass stone looking thing about the size of a quarter. Man did that ever look gross! * NOOOO! Way TMI!
Look - they let me keep it. It’s in some kind of formaldehyde looking/smelling stuff in a little jar - wanna see?(said while holding the jar in your face) Shoot me. Shoot me now!
Thought of another one… so, one more shot at getting more of you to play along:
I cleaned out my fridge this weekend. Bummer.
You wouldn’t believe the stuff I found way in the back and in the crisper drawers. um, TMI.
No, seriously, it wasn’t your usual green-and-fuzzy. I swear, I’ve never seen such colors and textures in my life! I think it might have started to evolve into a lifeform!! WHOA! Way TMI!!
So, you busy on Friday? Wanna come over for dinner? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHH!
You know, I had to vacuum and do lots of cleaning out of the house yesterday. Bummer.
I found at least three dozen hairballs, lots of crumbs, a cubic foot of dust, several dead insects, and a whole host of other things I never knew inhabited my place. Um, TMI.
I mean, these hairballs came in so many different colors, shapes, and sizes! They looked like teratomas, I swear! And as for the miscellaneous insects and dirt, I think I could slip them in my worst enemy’s food! Whoa, dude… WAY TMI!
Wanna watch the video my friends and I made of the various things I found inside my vacuum cleaner bag? We even manipulated all the things we found, and played a game with them. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! Run for the hills!
I rented Oceans Eleven…bummer
It starred George Clooney & Julia Robers…TMI
It’s a remake of a brat pack movie…Way TMI
I sat through the whole movie without falling asleep…Shoot me. Shoot me now!
My girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare last weekend [sub]Bummer[/sub] Yeah…it was like, I just made it, you know, and the damned condom broke and we had to use a spoon to get it out again. [sub]TMI[/sub] And we were sooooo paranoid she might be pregnant. Becky, she wanted me to have a vasectomy but we don’t have the cash, so we figured we’d just sneak into Kinko’s and use one of their machines to have my testicles laminated. [sub] TMI to the third power[/sub]
*I have pictures…
So I had a nosebleed the other day, and it wouldn’t stop so I went to the emergency room… Bummer.
The doctors said that it was a combionation of the cocaine habit and the nosepicking that set it off… TMI, my friend.
So anyway, the entire cartilidge system got eaten away, and now I can reach my finger right up into my sinuses. Watch… Really. I cannot stress how TMI this is.
The docs ran one of those scopes up my nasal cavity. I got the tape right here. Got a spoon? I need to remove my eyes now.
But I got this neato nasal prosthesis out of the deal!
Yeah, the dog got sick all over it. What a mess!! um, TMI.
It was amazing - he had stuff coming out of both ends! It’s an eight-foot long sofa and he managed to get both ends at once - ever see a dog projectile vomit? WHOA! Way TMI!!
Incidentally, I’ve got to go out of town - could you take him for a week? Run away! Run away!!
Were you listening in when I was at work? Because I got to take that call…except that it was “I couldn’t walk, so my mom sterilized a needle and lanced it”…(TMI)
“And about a quarter cup of pus and fluid came out”…(WHOA! Way TMI! I think it was the quantity that got me…ugh!)
“I just want to talk to my doctor about how to keep it clean, since I have diarrhea” (Shoot me now, by the Gods, please…)
I had another TMI call about a Foley catheter…but I don’t think work stories should count, it’s almost cheating.
How about this one…
“So are you two using the Pill?” Yes, we are, okay…
“That’s much better than condoms and foam, you could probably get really irritated skin from that.” TMI, now. TMI.
"You should try douching, or you’ll have all that mucus and stuff coming out…"WAY, WAY TOO MUCH INFO…
“Could you pass the stuffing?” Shoot me now, grandma, I can’t survive another Thanksgiving at this table.
I went in to get a colonoscopy yesterday. Bummer.
I wasn’t suppossed to eat beforehand but I swallowed whole an entire jar of pickled sheep’s eyes and washed 'em down with Scotch… um, TMI.
… and the Scotch made my stomach really gassy and upset and I looked like a sea turtle depositing a load of eggs on the beach… WHOA! Way TMI!!
Look - I’ve got home movies! Shoot me. Shoot me now!
Yeah, I went to bed one night with a pimple-sized lump and woke up with what looked like half a golf ball under my back. Uh, that’s enough. TMI, man.
So they cut it open and squeezed all this gunk out. It was cottage-cheesy and pretty thick. I didn’t have (or need) any pain-killer, either, so I felt them cutting and squeezing. had to squeeze more junk out over the next few days while it was healing. Urg…dude! Way, way TMI!
That was five years ago and i finally had the actual cyst-sac surgically removed a few weeks ago. I asked them if I could see it after they removed it. It was pretty neat. Blech! I. Gotta. Go.
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And for something completely different:
I had LASIK March first. Cool!
The pain-killing eye-drops didn’t kick in in time for my second eye. Whoa! TMI
Yup, I felt them slicing, actually cutting my eye and pulling the flap back. Oh sweet jesus! Stop!
I’ve got the whole procedure on tape. …thud!
(Both are true and both have left me just fine. The eye drops kicked in a few seconds too late, but they did kick in. My eyes are 20/20 and 20/15 and my back is healing just fine with only a 1" scar.)
