We need to inoculate this girl, STAT!

There’s a girl at college who I know as a friend of a friend. The problem is, she was brought up in a very strict catholic home. So strict, in fact, she had to ask her friend to explain what an erection was and why they happened, and that she wants to get hooked up so someone can show her how to “kiss, and other stuff, too”. She knows nothing of pop culture, nothing at all. I reccomend some severe injections, and soon. Her friend agreed, but now we have to think of a game plan. I’m thinking 5 four hour sessions. First two, TV. So I need 16 episodes of extremely influential late 80’s and early 90’s sitcoms, possibly dramas. Nothing TOO serious, unless it was HUGELY influential to modern culture. Something Friends, something Seinfeld, Cheers, nothing to childishly cute, like Full House, I’m sure she’s seen all that. Possibly not. Anyways, an accumulated 8 hours of primetime TV. Next, Movies, two sessions. Four movies from the late 80’s and early 90’s that have made the most impact, modern/pop culture wise. Then, one session of music. Four hours worth of music singles, possibly an album, that would acclimate her to music. Definately exposure to Nirvana, what else?

TV, 8 hrs
Movies, 8 hrs
Music, 4 hrs


BTW, nothing too graphic. Poor child’s never seen a naked body beyond her own (and I’m sure not that one very often).


We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.

This scheduling isn’t hard set. It can be revised/extended if need be. We got time.


The Simpsons episode where Homer seels his soul for a doughnut is worth a looksee.
The Cheers episode where Kevin McHale starts counting the bolts on the Boston Garden floor, mainly because it incorporates sports and TV.
1st episode of ER
I would also think 1 episode each of Price is Right, Jeopardy, and Wheel of Fortune.

Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

Movies: Clerks and Chasing Amy
TV: Don’t confuse her… tv is never like real life. Maybe Married With Children or Simpsons
Music: Lords of Acid, The Cure, Metallica, Something Celtic, Slayer (heh)

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If this girl is in college, she is smart enough to catch up in her own time, in the way she wants to, and needs to. I don’t think a true friend needs to apply pop psychology and behavioral modification. Just be there and not let others take advantage of her.

One word of advice: If she doesn’t like something, STOP IT. Particularly the music. If I were forced to listen to Nirvana and Metallica for four hours I’d never want to see the people involved ever again.

After being so shielded growing up, her parents just shipped her off to college? Man, that’s almost abusive!

I’ll bet too that she’s pretty ignorant of sex and its complications. The first BF that pressures her into sex will really mess with her mind. Along with the “every-sperm-is-sacred” schpiel of the Catholic Church, she probably won’t use protection and either get pregnant, STD’s, or worse.

No, I think she’s been so hammered against sex her whole life that she just wants to have it just to see what the hell the fuss is all about, and to get it over with. Oh, and you’re right, if she didn’t like something, of course, it would go right off.


To: Homer
Re: Your current project.

It’s always interesting to find out that there are people in this world who are leading much more interesting lives than I ever will…

Poor girl, poor girl…A piece of advice, just skip the tv, movies, and music. Just take her to a party or something and let her get into the groove at her own pace. She doesn’t need a coach to pressure her into moral corruption, a little reality will suffice.

Your friend’s upbringing sounds like mine. I had never so much as french kissed when I went to college. At a party on my second night ar school, I ended up getting date-raped by the star of the lacrosse team.

Take good care of your friend, because she’s not going to know when she’s in a bad situation til it’s too late to get out.

Damn, my ‘party’ advice sure sounds pretty bad now. Sorry.

Where did they keep her?

Didnt she have a radio?

She has to read too, trashy romances, some stephen king, and she should see some porn…not hard core,but some light fluffy porn. “Porn-Light”.

Movies should include:

Deliverance (uncut-NOT the one they show on TBS)
A Clockwork Orange
Lord of the Flies,

Tiny Toons

MadPoet…Who are you?
You saw Clerks and Chasing Amy?
I loved those!
“Try not to suck anybody off on the way home…” I loved that movie!

And you like metallica…

I think I have finally found my soulmate…I dont even care what sex you are - I love you!

Movies: I’d say The Breakfast Club is a must.

TV: If you don’t think the shock will be too much, the first episode of South Park.

Music: Pink Floyd, Pink Floyd, and more Pink Floyd. “Learning to Fly” should be her anthem.

I second Clerks, and also suggest Pulp Fiction, The Shawshank Redemption, and Dazed and Confused.

Good suggestions, all. I’ll second Shawshank, Clerks, Chasing Amy, possibly Mallrats, but that one was kind of… not in tune with the other two. Simpsons, a little bit of South Park (maybe the Mr. Hanky 1st appearance), some Seinfeld to make her cynical a bit, some Friends to make her sarcastic… a party or two… she’s gonna be okay.


We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.

Why expose the poor girl to modern culture, Homer? Frankly, I am glad some young people are ignorant of the shit our electronic media perpetuate as art.
Just take her somewhere romantic in the moonlight, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and start kissing her gently; then move to french-kissing and see what happens.
Living in the Bible Belt has taught me one thing: a lot of “straight-laced” girls learn about sex REALLY fast.

The Coyote gnaws …
but he does not swallow.

Homer, I have to repeat the warning about keeping a close eye on her. People do take advantage of people like this. I had a roommate for 1 semester that came from a similar background. He was a constant target of abuse by people on campus, and he had no idea how to handle it. We weren’t exactly close friends, but I still tried to keep an eye on him. He never did totally adjust and finally moved back home because he just couldn’t take it. The world is full of people with very little conscience who like nothing more than to make themselves feel better at the expense of others. What this girl needs is good supportive friends who will look out for her and protect her. She will figure everything else out in her own time. You sound like your heart’s in the right place, so just take care of her. Good luck.

Any magician can pull a rabbit out of a hat, show me one who can pull a hat out of a rabbit and I’ll believe.

simpsons is a must
star wars for movies
and shawshank redemption

as for music:
led zeppelin… GNR… metallica…lots more popular bands…

be gradual otherwise she will freak!

Chief’s Domain - http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi

forgot to mention… please post your “report” :slight_smile:
after this thing is finished…

Chief’s Domain - http://www.seas.ucla.edu/~ravi