Having recently figured out how to use the precognitive functions on the Eye of Thundera, I was using it last night to browse alternate futures. To my horror, I learned that there is a 12% possibility that Senator McCain will win the election and be inaugurated, only to die on January 22nd. This will, of couse, mean that Sarah Palin becomes president for the overwhelming majority of his term. What happens after that…well, let’s just say that Katie Couric will be only the first to be purged.
How this can be averted I cannot say, as those accursed Thundercats broke in and took the Sword of Omens back before I could finish browsing the future histories. But given my knowledge of the possibility, I feel oblgied to warn the other American Dopers. We must be prepared to retreat and regroup.
Fortunately I’ve located a portal to Brigadoon, which, happily, will be accessible from the last week of January. I’ll be bringing the Scotch.
Who’s with me? And what do you have to contribute to the refugee supplies?
My plans in the event that such a thing occurs is to spend at least 2 days with much wailing, crying and gnashing of teeth and then at least another day and a half of sitting in a corner hugging my legs and rocking back and forth while repeating “this can’t be happening” over and over. After that I will really need a shower. Could you hold that portal for me for about 5 days after the incident so I can get my shit together?
Sorry, I don’t have a lot of supplies. I do have about 2/3rds a bottle of Bushmill’s but I expect I will use that during the first 3 days after the “incident”
I’ll be safe in my position as Commissar over this region & I assure all Dopers within my sphere of power will have good treatment in the re-education camp and a daily bowl of warm healthy gruel.
I said I FOUND the portal to Brigadoon, not that I OPENED it. Best to use something that operates on a cycle; anything I engineer, Bill Gates (true master of Earth) and his minions can re-engineer.
Off topic, but what would happen if Palin got knocked up while in the Oval Office? (And I don’t mean impregnated IN the Oval office, you Neo-clintonian pervs.)
I’m leaving a note with whatever flying monkeys I leave behind to pay you a visit as soon as the portal closes. :mad:
There would be an extended national kerfluffle that would last for about two months, including false rumors she would quit as VP. Some feminists would sprain their brains as they tried to balance their immense disdain for her with the already-difficult question of family vs. job. Traditionalists would try to figure out if it was great that she was having kids or a problem that it might make other countries think the U.S. was all girly inside, or if it would interfere with her work. Then it would die down until she was maybe six or seven months along, at which time the press would spasmodically go nuts over rumors that she was going to resign or cancel all official appointments. Eventually she’d clear her schedule when she was eight or eight and a half months pregnant, give birth, and then stick to a light schedule of briefings and meetings for two months or so before working back to a full schedule, with baby in tow.
The baby’s name will be Gort John Palin, or possibly Fram Graham Palin if Billy Graham happens to shuffle off this mortal coil before the baby is born.
No Eyes of Thundera or Palantir or whatever were used in this post, so results may vary. Contents may have shifted during storage.
If Palin becomes President, I am going to go to the observation deck of the CN Tower, face south, and heckle unmercifully.
Then duck and run for cover. (I can design solar-heated houses whose only high-tech need is window glass; tar, stone, wood, hay, and thatch are most of the rest of the building materials. Am I in?)
