Wife diagnosed with pancreatic cancer yesterday. We’re reeling. Absolutely reeling. Surgery consult on Friday to see if we’re lucky enough to be candidates. We decided to tell him tonight. He needs to know and get comfort from the three of us, not just me by surprise. We have spent so much of his life ensuring that his worldview was crystalline magic and joy. He’s had the perfect Rockwellian childhood—huge gardens, parents who work from home and are always there for him, incredible amounts of love. He just figured out how to play ‘Here Comes the Sun’ by ear and is playing/singing it downstairs. Such pure, innocent joy. He knows nothing of pain—not so much as a skinned knee and a mild cold so far. His perfect little world. And we’re about to shatter it. At six. At fucking six.
Man, I’m so sorry. That’s got to be really hard.
I’m so sorry. There aren’t words for this kind of horror, but one thing I know for sure is that those six perfect years aren’t for nothing. The two of you gave that kid a gift, and no matter how bad things get moving forward, they won’t eliminate this foundation of love and safety you built. All of that is and will always be a part of him, and it will give him strength as he makes peace with his new reality. You can’t just undo unconditional love, not even with something this awful.
May you all find comfort with one another.
Kids are very observant. He deserves to know.
Continue to be good parents and remember to bring whatever joy and happiness you can into your home.
So you’ll have a little more information in a couple days? Why not tell him then?
Oh, no. I am so sorry.
Before telling him, perhaps consult with a child psychologist about how best to approach it. The hospital might have one you can talk with. Obviously it will be traumatic no matter what, but there are probably ways to break the news so that he will be able to understand and move forward better.
So sorry to hear this. I hope all goes well.
So sorry to hear this. Much luck to you all in the days to come.
He’s been around enough video games and some television to know what’s at stake. He’s pretty bright (like all Doper children), so even though the world won’t ever make sense for him again he’ll get what’s going on.
We’re telling him tonight because depending on the consult, she could be in surgery a few days later. The dam breaks regardless. Two extra days of peace on his part is small compared to two extra days of mommy comfort. To both of them.
Holy shit. He just came up to the office because Minecraft crashed. “My whole world just failed.” Just a coincidental kick in the nuts, something I wouldn’t believe from the best writer, but there it is. And now he’s sitting on ‘his’ side of the office in his comfy chair with a “this makes me very sad” and a “I’ll never find it again.” You’ve got to be kidding me.
ETA: brought the school into the loop earlier today, both his teacher and the school psychologist. Good comfort that they’ll have his back. There is no ‘right’ way, no right words.
Maybe it’s not my place, but sometimes kids can be resilient. I have a cousin (really a second cousin, but it’s kind of all the same in my family). Anyway, when she was six, her mother was murdered. Yeah. In their home. And she found the body, because her father was out of town that weekend.
You would think that would mess up a kid forever, but she actually bounced back and turned out great. She got her Ph.D when she was 28, and is doing research on a vaccine for Ebola. She just got married last summer.
I wish all the best for you, and will even put your wife in my prayers, unless you object to that. There are different kinds of pancreatic cancer, and if you don’t know which type she has, you can hold out hope that it’s the survivable kind.
Anyway, I hope with all my heart that you wife dances at your son’s wedding, but if she doesn’t, he may still be a happy, healthy young man; in fact, there’s a very good chance he will be.
Sorry to hear this. And check with the hospital to see if they can connect you with support groups. Not just for the kid, but also for you and your wife. It may help to talk to others going through cancer as well.
I am so sorry to hear this. I think you should tell him, he’s going to know something is wrong.
I highly recommend these people: http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/
They run support groups across the country for cancer patients, their caretakers, and their children (each group is separate, so you would each be in a different group to talk about your different issues.) They’re really good folks and all their services are free.
I’m so sorry you have such bad news.
However, you gave your young son a fantastic foundation for life. Sooner or later he would have come up against the ugly realities of life, and unfortunately it came sooner. As noted, though, kids can be very resilient.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help and use your resources, but I expect your son will be fine in the end.
This news sucks. I can’t say I know how you feel, because I don’t have kids or a spouse. But I do have a beloved mother who has recieved radiation and chemo, and, well, we just don’t know yet.
Kids are smarter than a lot of people give them credit for, so I think it’s a good idea to tell him now. It will be scary, but maybe you can reassure him that whatever the future brings, you BOTH will always love him. And this may sound silly, but assure him it’s nothing he has done. I once knew a coworker whose grandmother lived with her family. She helped her grandma wash her hair one day and for a brief moment the water was too hot, bringing an “Ouch!” from the old lady. Three days later the woman had a heart attack and died. No connection of course, but the little girl was scared that she’d caused it, and said she never told anyone until years and years later.
I don’t know if you are religious, but I’ll put you on my prayer list. I don’t know your family’s name, but God will, and that’s all that’s needed.
I’m so sorry to hear this news. Wishing you and your family strength and comfort.
I’m so sorry.
Hugs for all of you.