We set a wedding date!! (long!)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We’re a go for December 5th of this year!

The place totally fits our style. Very simple, laid back and economic! They’re up front about all costs which are the cheapest in the bay area and they said if you don’t want certain things, then the cost of the wedding package goes down. Makes sense to us!

The menu is excellent as we had a tasting with them, and they’re open to us bringing outside food as long as they do the main catering. We can also bring in a cotton candy maker and chocolate fountain if we want - with no extra fees! They said they provide the essentials and if we want more, we can pay them to do it or we can bring it on our own. They were so nice about us not having a check for a down payment (we brought our credit card for the deposit) and said they’ll work with us to make it work. I have never met more accomodating wedding people before!

And don’t worry, they came to us highly recommended from our friends who were married there so we know that they’re good to their word.

The only thing, there are two issues that are really bothering me.

  1. I told my mom that we booked the place and it’s perfect for us. I told her we checked out other venues where just the rental of the places is the amount of money we’ll be paying for one of the packages at our place. She said “you’re paying too much and why don’t they have seafood for all that money you’re paying?”

I told her that it’s actual a great price and honestly, chicken, beef and vegetarian is fine with us. We don’t need seafood to make our wedding day special. We’re pretty simple and seafood isn’t that big of a deal to us.

She said “well chicken is just so cheap. You don’t want to look cheap do you?”

I told her that if my friends and family who I’m inviting, who also know that my fiance and I are paying for this wedding ourselves, think that I’m cheap because I’m not ordering a seafood option, then they can go screw themselves and not go to my wedding. The food options won’t make or break my wedding. I told her that I’ve been to weddings with seafood and that didn’t make me have more fun or be happier for the bride and groom.

My mom then said “you should get seafood, you don’t want to look cheap.”

I got up, said that I wish she were happy for me, and that we’re sticking with our venue and left.

I mean seriously, what the fuck? I’m doing this on my own, it’s not like I’m making the big bucks at my job. My fiance and I found a great venue which fits us and makes us happy - and all she can see is we’re cheap because we’re not offering seafood?? She knows how much we’re trying to save for our wedding and honeymoon. She knows I don’t make all that much money. She didn’t even offer to pay for this seafood option which is apparently what makes or breaks my wedding.

I’m pretty upset.

  1. We’re telling our family that we set our date and are telling them where it is.

We’re worried that his sister who is also getting married will also use our venue. She’s getting married before us.

How do I know if she’ll do that? Well I sent pictures of a couple of possible wedding dresses I was considering (I was trying them on and taking pictures of me in them) and she said she was thinking about getting the same dress I was thinking about. Say what??

I said well I wanted this dress and she said she was fine if we had the same dress and it’s not a big deal. Dude, it’s a big deal to me! It took her brother-in-law to tell her that a wedding dress is very personal and she should get another dress.

I didn’t get the dress because I didn’t want to have those bad feelings and thoughts associated with it.

Now we’re worried that she’ll look up our venue and book it as well. A wedding venue isn’t as personal as a wedding dress, but if she booked it as well, I’d be annoyed. We did the research and we found it because of our friend. We don’t want the same family members to go to both her wedding and ours and think “oh so you copied them?”, especially since she’s getting married 3 months before we are. I know it’s kind of petty but this wedding stuff is very personal to my fiance and me.

I was so happy today and now I’m feeling annoyed and hurt. I wish my family could be supportive of me for once. I also wish I could share this with my fiance’s sister without fearing that she’ll do the exact same things we’re going to do with our wedding.

2

About your mom - for good or ill, it seems like she thinks your wedding reflects on her. If that’s the case, I would also beware her wanting to invite lots of people that she knows well but you don’t.

Regarding your sister-in-law-to-be - if you think she’s going to copy something that’s important to you, stop telling her what you’re doing. Feed her false info on anything important. The only reason my sisters-in-law knew what reception venue we booked was because my mother-in-law got us in when they had a cancellation; everything else (for the most part) only came out very close to the wedding. (I did that mostly because I don’t really get into talking about that kind of stuff.) She’s competitive with you, probably because you’re going to be an inlaw and her wedding is first, so she has to look like the special and creative one. If you know she’s bragging about how she picked X first and someone mentions it, laugh it off with a comment like, “Oh, is that what she’s saying?” and a wink-and-nod.

3

Don’t tell them where the venue is until after the sister has announced where she is having hers. She’s going to have to make up her mind soon anyhow.

And around here, there are some venues that are extremely popular. I’ve been to numerous weddings at the same place, and never once thought anyone was copying anyone else.

You are special and unique…just like everyone else! And unless there are only three wedding dresses available in your town, the odds of her getting the exact same dress are slim, no? My mom and her sister wore the same dress at their weddings, though several years apart. And by that I mean the Exact Same Dress…not just one that looked like it. As in, “your sister can’t afford a dress, give her the one you wore.” Everyone survived, though the dress did not.

Tell your mom you will have your rehearsal dinner at a seafood place since she’s jonesing for it.

4

I’ve never been to a wedding that served seafood, wow I never realized how “cheap” my friends and family are! Seriously, if anyone makes a comment about seafood not being an option, I’d show them the door and continue to have the night of my life!

And for your almost sister-in-law, I agree with Ferret Herder, mislead her into thinking you’re having it somewhere else and let her book that. Then when her invitations come out you can announce that yours is at the wonderful place you have booked now.

5

  1. Maybe it’s better to just not talk about details and budget your mom? If she brings it up: “Last time we had this conversation you said people would think I was cheap, and that upset me. If that’s how you’re going to be then I’d rather not talk about the details with you.” It’s okay to call out your mom when she’s being a brat.

  2. Families tend to recycle wedding vendors, I don’t think anyone will think either of you are copying. But if she does book the same place, you can tell people how happy you were to help sis out with recommendations, then you look like the savvy one.

Congrats, best wishes with the rest of the planning!