Pee in the sink.
Jastu’s right. This isn’t an issue of falling in the toilet, although that’s enough to make Mother Theresa bitchslap somebody. This is an issue of the revolting condition a bathroom gets into very rapidly because men insist on pissing standing up. You’ve got the aim issue, which is a massive problem (and Dr.J can say he doesn’t piss on the porcelain all he wants, there were never yellow streaks down the outside of the bowl when I lived alone). You’ve also got the splashing issue. A stream of water falling from greater height is going to splash higher, and there’s nothing there to block it. So now you’ve got piss all over the bowl, and the pedestal, and the floor, and the inside of the lid, and the freakin’ walls, and the door, and…
So instead of bathroom cleaning being a fairly simple and straightforward job (put cleaner in the bowl, give sink and tank top a quick swipe, brush bowl, flush), it becomes a giant pain in the ass. Put cleaner in the bowl, wipe the sink, wipe the tank top, wipe behind the lid, wipe the inside of the lid, wipe the underside of the seat, wipe the rim, wipe the outside of the bowl, wipe the pedestal, scrub the floor around the toilet, brush, flush, wipe down the walls, wipe down the door, wipe down the toilet paper dispenser, mop the floor.
That is the issue here.
Estimated service life of one of those things installed at my house: 18.5 seconds.
Mr. Stupid German Toilet Invention, meet Mr. Sledgehammer.
We’ve got a pretty simple system around my place. If I’m the last one to use it the seat is up, and if it was her the seat is down. No big deal for us, however much Dr. J may need his eyes checked.
Given that we already have to put up with the randomness of the dreaded “dual-stream” (no doubt the cause of the previously mentioned pee on the wall) and the occasional early-morning balancing act over the bowl (sitting definitely wouldn’t help there!) it seems to me that a little understanding is in order when it comes to lid etiquette. 
And I’m not convinced that the bathroom would be really any cleaner if we always sat down- in fact, it seems to me that certain problems (namely the streaks on the outside of the bowl) are a direct result of the more humble peeing position. I don’t why it works that way (well…actually I do, but things are already a bit TMI methinks) but it just does.
uh…anywho…
I will pee off of my patio into the rhododendrons before I pee sitting down. *
*Side note: in our household, all of the “dirty” work is officially mine. It never occurred to me that my wife should clean the toilet , kitty litter or take out the trash. Hell, she puts up with me, so it is the least that I can do.
that is why some men pee in the shower.
anyway, i came across this toilet where the flush button is behind the lid, so you have to leave the lid down to flush it. toilet seat war solved, imaginary toilet spray solved.
I am flabbergasted by the “yellow streaks” phenomenon.
I’ve never lived with a guy who couldn’t hit the toilet. If they did dribble, they… SHOCK… cleaned up after themselves. :eek: My brother, father, three different male roommates, and my boyfriend never had a problem with this. Who are these men who don’t take responsibility for their actions?
In our house, the rule is lids down if not in use, because the cat likes to drink from the toilet. Easy enough.
:eek: You’re a dang lie! No such men exist!
or if they do, they’re all hidden in Kansas!
Yet another married man I want to marry.
My impression of what it would sound like if this was installed in my house. A play in one Act.
ahem
Me: ::Walks into the bathroom , whistling merrily::
Me: ::Lifts Lid::
Annoying Toilet: “Hello, what are you up to then? Put the seat…”
sound of the entire seat being ripped off of the toilet
Annoying Toilet: “…back down right away, you are definitely…”
WHAM!!! WHAM!!! WHAM!!! WHAM!!! WHAM!!!
sound of smashed bits of porcelin bouncing off the walls and ceiling
Annoying Toilet: “…not to pee standing up… up… up… up…”
sound of double barrel shotgun being loaded
KA-BOOOOMMMM!!!
The dust settles and we fade to black. The only is sound the blissful tinkle of water followed by an authorative flush.
Great idea!
Incorporate a shotgun so if the yelling German woman fails to get you to pee sitting down, remove the offending genitalia so there’s not much of a choice!
I’ll get right on the new and improved American version. 
I’ll tell you one thing, if I ever come across this device I will not need to take a sledgehammer to it, I will short it out. And you thought there was a mess when I was TRYING to aim for the bowel.
Which ever part was talking, would be the part on which, I would pee.
Either that or I would reprogram the voice, possbily with movie quotes.
“Look at the size of that thing!”
“That’s no moon, that’s a space station.”
MY Point Exactly! When Fireman & I moved into this house together, we had a little house warming. Big Dumb Bird Brother came, peed on the seat. Fireman made a scene over it.
That was 6 years ago. I’ve been making a scene with Fireman over it since. Maybe I should talk to his mother about it, after all, she “trained” both of them.
:dubious:
How do you feel about polygamy? (I’m kidding, of course, of course I am.)
I put the lid down not in deference to my wife and daughters, but due to the fact that I think that a toilet with the lid up looks damned ugly.
Men, defend your rights: Stand up and pee counted! 
Look, If you wimmins want to solve the piss and miss problem creating a bitchy toilet is not the answer. What you need to invent is a device to flush the bathtub. I have long ago figured out the the morning pee(split-stream phenomenon) is best dealt with by aiming into the largest target in the room, ie the tub. So all you need to do is put a device that shoots a bit of water down from the high end, and washes it all away, when a button is pushed(an auto-sensor is a possibility as well). It will probably save water over a whole toilet flush anyway.
But whether I use the bowl, the tub or a urinal, I will always pee standing tall and proud.
Two jesting proposals in one thread! Today, I am a man. I finally have my SDMB chops. Ahhh. 
Now if we could only get more talking devices for men, we women would have it made.
I propose a talking lawn mower.
“Grass is high. You will mow the yard from start to finish”
How about a talking garbage can.
“I am full. I need to be emptied. Please take me to the nearest convience center for drop off” “Oh, and don’t forget to reline the can with a new trash bag”
amen.