Wearing a white dress to someone else's wedding

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=Pixilated]
Call me ol’ fashioned, I always thought it was impolite to wear white as a guest at a wedding. But I have seen in this day and age, that “rule of thumb” is so… 1900? :wink:
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We’re both old fashioned than, at least in this regard.

According to Miss Manners (Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, page 415)-

The mother of the bridegroom should not wear white to the wedding, whether she is a virgin or not. Neither should any of the guests. Nor should any of the mothers of guests wear black. No woman should show up at a wedding at which she is neither the bride nor a mourner wearing white or black.

22

[QUOTE=Antinor01]
… should not … Neither should … Nor should … should …
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It really must be horrifyingly depressing to be Judith Martin. It’s amazing she’s made it to 70 without several suicide attempts.

23

The white thing I get, but Miss Manners’ rule about not wearing black to a wedding is beyond ridiculous and outdated.

My bridesmaids will be wearing black, so Miss Manners can suck it.

24

[QUOTE=AuntiePam]
Yep. At my friend’s son’s wedding, friend’s ex-husband’s new wife (early 40’s) wore something long and strapless, cut very low in the back. Some women don’t handle aging all that well.
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At my best friend’s wedding, some random girlfriend-of-a-friend wore what I can only describe as a nightgown. It was thin, unlined red satin, with a low back and criss-crossed spaghetti straps. I’d bet everything in my wallet that she bought it at Frederick’s of Hollywood, and yet neglected to buy underwear while she was there.

Someone please explain to me how that’s a less egregious faux pas than a tasteful black or white dress.

25

I’d heard that you weren’t meant to wear white to a wedding before. I don’t know how strictly it is upheld, but it is fairly common knowledge, IMHO.

26

I agree it is simply not the done thing to wear white to a wedding, if you are an adult woman and not the bride.

Little girls get a pass because a white dress is appropriate on a little girl at any formal occasion.

27

During the time when all my husband’s co-workers were getting married, a young woman showed up at one of those weddings in full black regalia; dress, hose, shoes, complete with gloves and hat-with-veil. We wondered if she was a former girlfriend of the bridegroom.

28

Yeah, it’s just not done. My wedding dress, made by yours truly, was silver satin. If someone had come to my July reception in an all-white dress, I’d still think it was tacky, even though she wouldnt be wearing the same color as me at all. My sisters wore black. They looked quite stylish, both being preggers at the time.

My Dad’s mother wore black to his wedding to my mother - back in the 60’s. My mom never could swallow that, bitched about it for AGES. I don’t see the issue there. Granny was just ahead of her time, style-wise. :wink:

29

I think the rule is common knowledge, and as a guest I wouldn’t wear all-white to a wedding, just because of what people would say. But I wouldn’t worry too much about a near-white dress – if all I had in my closet was something beige, or white plus polka dots, I’d just wear that and wouldn’t bother buying new clothes.

That being said, if I saw someone else at a wedding wearing white, I wouldn’t think it’s that big a deal, I would assume that either they decided to write off the ‘no white’ rule as old-fashioned (because it is) or that they didn’t have the time or money to go buy another outfit. Some women just don’t own that much formal clothing, especially if they’ve gone up or down in weight recently. If they were otherwise a polite guest, and gave a present, then I would hope that the bride would give them a pass as well.

30

[QUOTE=DianaG]
Eh, the “rule” supposedly is meant to keep the guests from “upstaging” the bride at her own wedding. My feeling is that if you can *be * upstaged at your own wedding, it’s probably not because of the dress.

And if you’re looking at *your husband’s daughter * and thinking “tacky” *while * you’re saying “I do”, that portends much bigger problems than the sartorial.
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Ditto this. Especially the last part.

Let me assist you with the “rule” to which you are trying to refer. Scroll to the bottom for pertinent reference…heck, here:

31

Yes, the tradition of the Rule Of White should always be followed at a wedding. I am, of course, talking about the bride only wearing a white dress if she is virginal. That’s still strictly followed, right?

Right?

32

[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach]
Yes, the tradition of the Rule Of White should always be followed at a wedding. I am, of course, talking about the bride only wearing a white dress if she is virginal. That’s still strictly followed, right?

Right?
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The white dress does not symbolize virginity, but rather that this is the bride’s first wedding.

33

[QUOTE=Telperien]
The white dress does not symbolize virginity, but rather that this is the bride’s first wedding.
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So no one ever wears white at their second wedding, right?

Right?

34

This thread reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with a friend regarding her sister’s wedding. Said sister was thoroughly pissed off that their father refused to come off of the $30K for the wedding she wanted – you see, it is “traditional” that the bride’s father pay for the wedding, and she wanted a “traditional” wedding, all the way. Except for the fact that she was, oh, 7 months pregnant at the wedding.

35

[QUOTE=DianaG]
So no one ever wears white at their second wedding, right?

Right?
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They’re not supposed to, according to the rules. However, it’s pretty obvious that most people think these rules are silly and/or outdated, so I doubt they follow those rules.

I hate white and look like hell in it, so I definitely won’t be wearing it if I ever get married.

36

My mother wore an off white, two piece suit to my wedding. It ended up being the exact same color as my wedding dress. I bought the suit for her, two days before my wedding. My mother is a bit passive-aggressive. “I tried on a hundred different dresses and I just looked fat in all of them”. No shit mom, you are fat.

She looked the best I have ever seen her look, she was absolutely radiant.

I was far too concerned with getting my own self dressed that I hardly had time to pay attention to what anyone else was wearing.

37

I don’t think Miss Manners is as uptight as you think. Certainly dressing the wedding party in black is very different from a wedding guest of her own volition wearing black (which could be seen to symbolize mourning and thus disapproval of the marriage). In any case, I remember from one of her books, that a pregnant woman with only one black formal dress asked what to do, and Miss Manners said it would be ridiculous to buy a new dress just for the wedding so to throw a bright scarf over her shoulders and go. Likewise, I think a black and purple suit would be OK. I think the key is to not look like you are either in mourning at the fact that these two are getting married, or trying to draw attention away from the bridal couple.

38

[QUOTE=Scarlett67]
Perhaps she did it on purpose. How’s the relationship between you two? And how old is she?

Then again, lots of people have no idea how to dress for formal (or even “nice”) occasions, or just don’t care.
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She was in her late '20s and she’s a real bitch to me; even her own Aunts, Grandmother and Cousins can’t believe how she treats me.

She’s granola-chic stylish and I’ve seen her look stunning in many other dresses that weren’t white. I didn’t say anything to her, but some other guests (of all ages) expressed that they thought it was odd.

It was a pretty casual wedding; only the mothers were provided with flowers; when Stepdaughter picked up the flowers, she tacked on a wrist corsage with white roses (which I was carrying in my bouquet) for herself. Kinda sorta selfish, but par for the course.

Oh, well, not trying to be a baby. Just wondering what other people thought.

One of my best friend’s twin daughters (age 5 or so) were wearing the sweetest white dressy dresses…they were the perfect accessories!

One other example. I profusely thanked stepdaughter for unloading the van full of presents at our house. She accepted with great gusto. I found out later that, according to my brother-in-law, she “sat on her ass on the couch” while he and his fiancee’ unloaded everything.

Stepdaughter and her fiancee’ spent xmas with us. I’ve never dreaded anything more.

Cherry on top…she’s getting married in August and lives a 2-hour plane ride away. It’s been implied that she will be very pissed if someone in our area doesn’t throw a wedding shower for her. Her Dad’s attitude is “good luck with that.” I’ve never heard of someone asking to have a shower thrown for her. I know that it’s usually done, but not under duress.

Ok, that’s enough…go to your happy place and be thankful we only see her 2 or three times a year.

Thanks for all of the input!

39

This is just another one of those silly wedding rules and traditions that is driving me to have the smallest, “we’ll do what we want to do, not what we’re SUPPOSED to do” weddings I can. As long as my guests are reasonably dressed for the occasion and comfortable, I don’t care what they wear.

Hell, you could wear a white gown and veil and crystal slippers for all I care-- you’re the one who will look like an idiot sitting along the sidelines, watching my ceremony, not getting married.

40

[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder]

Another tangent: (and this isn’t a slam on you MLS) why do people of other cultures get horrified when people of another culture do things a different way? Are there really Asian women out there who gasped upon hearing that western women would want to wear white to a wedding?
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Americans gasp when they hear of other countries eating dog.