My girlfriend and I were both recently invited to one of her co-workers weddings. We RSVP’s that we were going to attend the reception. Now many people are asking her why we’re skipping the church part. We were both raised Catholic and it’s a Catholic wedding they say (I’m Irish and she’s Polish, so it’s an easy assumption on our religious backgrounds).
Well, we don’t really attend church. Why is a whole different thread, but suffice it to say it’s just not our “thing”. She’s getting the insinuation that’s somehow rude of us to do. Is it so? Are we being food and liquor coveting jerks by skipping the low impact aerobics that is the Catholic mass portion of the festivities?
I’m as atheist as they come, but I still can’t understand your position. I attend weddings and funerals, I stand and sit when expected, but I don’t say any prayers, I don’t respond with Amen.
Basically, yes, I can understand them being very insulted indeed.
I’m about as atheist as they come, but I can’t imagine skipping the ceremony and having the great, big, hairy ones it would take to then pop in on the reception. The ceremony is the important part. If you are skipping something, skip the free booze.
I have to agree with the other posters. Just going to the reception says to the couple, “We don’t about your special ceremony, we just want to party!”
You guys are missing the point…the ceremony is the important thing. The party afterward is secondary. If you don’t go to the ceremony, it’s just plain rude to show up for the party.
The only time I think this would not be rude would be if the ceremony and the reception were on different days and you couldn’t make the ceremony because of a prior engagement or something like that.
I hope you guys will rethink your decision and either skip the whole thing, or go to the ceremony as well.
I gotta agree with GorillaMan and Jammer. I’m a recovering Catholic also, and have no problem attending weddings and funerals. I even took my grandmother to Easter Mass one year, because she was in town and wanted to go. You can be true to your beliefs while still being polite.
But just remember, no Communion unless you hit the Confessional first.
Yep, another agree. If you had true religious reasons that you couldn’t set foot in a church, that would be one thing (and it would require apologies and an explanation and then permission of the bride and groom.) If it’s simply because it’s “not your thing,” then you may choose not to go - but you shouldn’t show up for the free hooch afterwards. Poor form, please reconsider. Attending the service but not the reception is acceptable, vice-versa is not (unless it’s a really tiny church, in which case some brides will invite more people to the reception than could fit at the service.)
Another vote for attenting both the ceremony and reception. You might not really be interested in going to church; however, the most important part of the day for many married couples is the point where they say their vows and solidify their union in front of friends and family. The reception is secondary. As many here have indicated, attending the party and not the ceremony shows an insensitivity to the couple’s lifetime commitment to each other and makes you look like you’re out for a free meal and booze.
But it’s not free, there will be a large monitary contribution to the bride and groom on our part, probably to the tune of $100. I guess I’m just cynical. Adding people from work (not just the one’s you’re really close to, just everyone in general) seems like you’re padding the gift bag, so to speak. As we are not family or close friends, I don’t see what the big deal is about skipping.
Geez, if that’s your attitude, why are you going at all? Skip the whole thing. Take the $100 you would have spent on a gift and go out to a nice dinner, do some dancing and leave the wedding and the reception to people who care about the bride and groom.
Are they charging you a cover charge of $100, or are you giving them a gift? If the contribution you’re referring to is a cover charge, I wouldn’t go at all - no host should ever demand money from a guest. However, if I’m reading things right and the $100 is for a gift, you should still go to the ceremony. After all, it’s your decision to give $100 to the bride and groom. You don’t have to - you can still get them something tasteful from both you and your friend for less than half that. The bride and groom probably won’t think you’re cheap if you spend less on them.
Also, I find that mind-set a little disturbing. Do you consider all gifts a “contribution” or some way to pay your way out of having to attend something you don’t want to? Are you going to tell the bride and groom “Hey, I spent $100 on you guys - don’t expect me at your ceremony. I’ve paid my dues.” I think your presence at the ceremony is much more important than a $100 gift.
Oh, it’s not “somehow” rude. It’s outright blatantly rude.
It sounds like you don’t care about this person and see the whole thing as an exchange of money - your $100 for their party. Why don’t you spend your money on actual friends instead of on people whom you don’t like well enough to spend an hour watching their wedding ceremony?
I’ll be damned. I was under the initial impression that it was perhaps tacky, but not on the scale that it seems based on responses. Perhaps I should be running more of my decisions past committee…
In Hawaii it’s quite common for guests who are not close to the wedding couple to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. Of course, those who choose to skip the ceremony probably don’t RSVP that they will attend the reception only.
Me personally, I always do my best to attend the ceremony, but I am not offended at those who choose to skip it.
I think you’re the one missing the point. The point is that these two people are (presumably) making the commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. Who cares if that commitent takes the form of a 90-minute Catholic wedding (of which I have been to a few), a 15-minute Protestant wedding, a 2-minute session with the local magistrate, eloping in Las Vegas and being married by an Elvis impersonator at the drive-thru wedding chapel, or whatever.
That said, if I’m going to attend the reception, I try to do my best to attend the ceremony as well. Hasn’t always worked out that way, but I do make the effort. But I wouldn’t care (hell, probably wouldn’t notice) if someone attended my (future) wedding reception who didn’t attend my wedding ceremony.
Sorry kid, but you won’t get much support from anyone who knows anything about etiquette and “good manners”.
If you’re not close friends, and if bringing them a gift (which is NOT required, you know, nor should it be expected by the bride and groom) is such a burden, then why did you RSVP that you were attending?
The important part of weddings is the ritual - the ceremony - so that’s THE THING you should be attending, above all else. The reception is secondary.
Don’t be a putz - attend the service, then attend the reception and have a good time. Celebrate with the bride and groom, be happy for them.
