My wife’s friend just got her first marriage annulled. She is now marying her second husband in the Catholic Church (they were married in a Baptist church at first because they couldn’t get married in a Catholic church because of her first marriage. The annullment now allows them to marry in a Catholic church. With me?). It’ll be a small service with just their kids, immediate family and a few friends. Which includes my wife and I. That’s all just useless background. Forget about it.
Friend tells my wife, buy any dress that’ll go with these colors. Wife says sure. “I have this dress already, if you don’t like it tell me, I’ll go get a different one. No problem”. Friend says it’s great. A few days later friend calls and says “My aunt has these dresses I thought you could try on. You’re a size ##, right?”. Wife says, “No, I’m size ##-2.” Friend replies, “Oh”. Few days later, friend calls, “I have this dress, it’s your size. Can you try it on?”
Question is, (and I think it’s way obvious by now), this freind doesn’t like the dress my wife was gonna wear, right? Why can’t she just say, “How 'bout wearing a different dress?”, like my wife said to do?
Alternatively, why can’t my wife ask her flat out, “Do you want me wear a different dress?”. It’s all so “polite”, and “friendly”, but it’s also done with some clenched teeth. I don’t this kind of thing happenes when guys make plans. Of course, guys don’t make wedding plans. I think it’s a law somewhere.
I told the wife to call her and ask what deal is. Let in some fresh air etc. Of course, my wife is also having her first PMS symptoms in over a year, so she’s a little out of sorts (according to her!).
So, is your wife a bridesmaid or something, or is her friend just overly pushy? Really, unless you’re a part of the wedding party (and aren’t wearing white, cream or ivory, of course) I can’t imagine why the bride would care that you coordinate. This is a bit much, even by my currently-wedding-planning standards.
She’s in the wedding, so her friend certainly has some control over the situation. My consternation is the round-a-bout way the whol thing is proceeding.
Oho, so it’s one of those passive-aggressive, trying-not-to-be-Bridezilla deals, huh? That explains a lot. I can explain this from a bride’s point of view, then.
She doesn’t want to seem like a pushy, my-way-or-the-highway kind of bride, but the dress your wife already has doesn’t fit in with the way she’s envisioning things. It would be much simpler and more effective to just say, “Look, I really like this dress/style/length/color and would like for you to wear it or something like it” but that would seem like she’s being overbearing, having already had one church wedding for this marriage before.
If she’s a bridesmaid, then this is just the beginning. The bride, like many brides, clearly wants to control every detail, but also doesn’t want to come across as a bitch. So she has to try to gently nudge your wife into doing what she (the bride) wants, without saying flat out “I hate your dress, I hate your shoes, I’m not crazy about your choice of wedding dates, I want you to change your hair, and could you please lose ten pounds before the Most Important Day of My Life?”.
I’d advise your wife to wear whatever dress the bride suggests, even if the bride can’t communicate properly. It’s just easier.
My wife is trying to tell herself just that Giraffe, but I think the PMS thing is trying to lead her astray. I honestly don’t understnad that, but I’m also trying to stay out of it and seem supportive at the same time, like a good little husband. (Yes, I’ve been trained. )
I agree with CrazyCatLady and Giraffe. The bride’s motives are honorable, really they are (as far as I can tell, anyway), but that doesn’t make them any less irritating, does it? At any rate, if your wife realizes this, at least the PMS factor will be out of the way in a few days.
Also, maybe the bride is still figuring out what she wants – she may not have vetoed your wife’s dress yet, but she wants to try a couple of other ideas, too. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t actually said she doesn’t want your wife to wear that dress.
Yeah, it really does make them much less irritating. Or maybe it’s me. Still “I have this dress, it’s your size. Can you try it on?” is very much less irritating than many other less pleasant alternatives that the bride could have picked.
Fitting end to all this. Friend just calls and says the new roses she wanted aren’t available, so the dress my wife has will be just fine. I think friend’s husband told her she was being a pain and she gave up.
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