I too, was very nervous about people “looking at me” when we got married. Just look at your groom (who is likely grinning from ear to ear) and look at all the people beaming at you because you look so nice. (and you will)
I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked down the “aisle” beause all of my family and friends were smiling at me. (maybe the first time some of them had seen me in a dress)
I was horrified to do it, and was relieved. It was a blast.
Good Luck, You’ll do fine! 
Cessandra, beyond buying a wedding planner, I’d really sugesst dropping by this board and meeting the girls there. It can get kind of kitchy at times, but its an overly friendly and loving board with lots of very creative wedding oriented people.
You will find tons of ideas and lots of answers to all the nitpicky stuff.
Someone already mentioned this, but tiny guest lists are hard. Immediate family and close friends for me and my SO fills up a 75 person guest list without hesitation. (While others may not balk at 300 person events, I wanted to through a nice bbq, you know 20-30 people tops…sigh.)
<hijack>Making guest lists, MC? Have you been holding out on us, info-wise? :)</hijack>
I just want to second Chronos’ excellent advice. It’s your day. That’s not an excuse for you to be Bridezilla, of course, but the way you want things to be is the right way for things to be. Go with your gut.
Thank you everyone. We compromised on having more people and less reception - ie, not a sit down dinner, but still foof an music and such. That at least saves money. I’ll still probably be uncomfortable most of the day, though. But I’m just trying to remind myself that two of my best friends will be there, and, of course, Mark.
That’s what Mark says. This is why I don’t work. One job I had, the people were so friendly and I was a wreck. I focused all of this nrevous energy on my hands and ended up putting on hand lotion every few minutes to the point where I couldn’t do much else. But I have trouble admitting this in real life. I can say anything in writing, but saying things outloud is HARD. And the idea of seeing a shrink is horrifying.
Um, yeah, shutup, Cess. Anyway, thank you for your advice!
Cess, you’d never know it from your wild words online!
Anyhow, congrats and when IS the big day?
As both a recent (3 weeks ago!) bride and a shrink by trade, I echo the advice to see someone. Therapy and/or medications can really help with social anxiety. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to really enjoy your wedding? I loved mine, and it is painful to even think of a bride suffering through what should be a happy occasion.
Whatever you do, I wish you and Mark well.
Here’s how it works; register at a place that offers to hold all the gifts until after the honeymoon. Then, after the honeymoon, sit down with the people at the store and exchange and return all the gifts you don’t really want.
Here’s the catch:
get a complete list of gifts bought for the thank-you notes and thank people for what they bought you and never, ever admit you exchanged it.
I alway expect people to exchange wedding gifts, because they got 42 place-setting, but no silver.
And you can register for power-tools now.
Cessandra
First off Congats! Woo Hoo!
Now, This is YOUR WEDDING! SCREW THOSE OTHER PEOPLE AND HAVE THE WEDDING YOU WANT!!!
Really don’t worry about ‘proper wedding ettique’ (hell I can’t even spell it) Mostly because PWE is completly subjective. Some cultures find money dances offensive some find it manditory. Some people wouldn’t think of not having a chicken dance. (barbarians) But if you want a chicken dance then whip out the six gun, point it near the feet of said chickens and scream ‘Dance, Chickens, Dance’ and fire away.
PWE is changing everyday. Yes some couples do register at travel agencies. People can buy you dinner at a reall nice place. (like a group of people can get together and get you something like that) or even just contribute to the plane tkts. So everyone can spend exactly what they want to on you and not go through, ‘Well I was going to spend 50 bucks but the blender is 59.95, well I guess I’ll get them that’ Some people will prefer this. Some people will think it’s incredibly rude. (Those people can suck an egg, if they don’t want to celebrate your love on your special day and instead worry about a complety abitrary set of rules made up by people who need a real job then let the egg sucking begin and don’t you worry about them, it’s your day. )
Oh and if you really are that worriesome, I would see some sort of doctor.
I second what Zebra said.
As far as the “asking the parents” thing. Most of the weddings I have been to are friends of mine. I don’t know their parents, so I can’t call them.
Are people really supposed to know the phone numbers of the parents of their friends from college?
Debaser, though the majority of weddings that you go to are for friends, I bet the majority of people at those weddings are the bride and groom’s family. So yes, I bet most of the people going to the wedding will know at least one set of parents.
The purpose of ettiquette is to make people comfortable.
I’m going to have to go against Zebra and Debaser here. It is your wedding, as in you and your husband to be are the hosts and it is your job to make your guests as comfortable as possible. Not you - your comfort has nothing to do with this (which is why you take the folding chair and leave the nice dining room chairs for company when they visit, right?). Your guests. They came to see you, so you need to take time out to seek each and every one out individually and thank them for coming (that’s why people have reception lines - but with less than 100 people, its better just to do it yourself).
So darn anxiety ridden that you can’t bear to stop and say hi to the 70 people who you care enough about in life to invite to your wedding and who care enough about you to come? Then your husband to be has to re-think his wedding plans for your sake - elope or have six people and a nice dinner out and when you return from you honeymoon, ask friends and family to host several small “congrats” parties.
Most people aren’t comfortable when someone tells them exactly what gift to bring - which is why when you register you give them choices (and then are gracious when they hand you the ugliest darn frame you’ve ever seen in your life because they saw it and thought of you, and nothing on your registry seemed “right.” Then you go to return it and apparently they didn’t buy it from any store in town because every clerk recoils in horror when you pull in out). Cash does not entail choices.
You can hint that you want cash. You don’t have to register. You can let your parents and bridal attendants help spread the word (discreetly - no taking out billboards). But, if you want to be proper, you aren’t so presumptious as to assume that anyone will even bring you a gift - much less suggest that they should stuff an envelope with cash - and are thrilled and surprised with each and every darn gift.
This is why you register somewhere.
Somewhere. Anywhere. It doesn’t have to be at the finest department store in town. You can register at Target. At Bed, Bath, and Beyond. As others here have pointed out (isn’t this a great community? Nobody here knows everything, but between us all, we sure do!), you can register for power tools (if only they’d had that back when I got married! I’m soooooo fucking jealous!!) or for honeymoon travel.
Mrs.F. and I went the traditional route and registered for fine china (very unlike us!) and we’re glad we did. We don’t use it that often, but we love it when we do, and we’d have never bought it on our own.
Guests: weddings/receptions differ so much from one to another. I’ve been to small ones with a dozen or so people. I’ve also been to the ‘sit-down dinner for 200’ type receptions.
We had about 75 people at ours. And they were all people that at least one of us knew well: family and either very close or fairly close friends. I could pull out the photos today, eleven years later, and tell you stuff about every person who was there that day - and I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert. These were the people who were our friends and loved ones, the people who we really cared about and who cared about us. It was like a family reunion of our true, spiritual family.
However the numbers work out, invite those people. Unless you really do need to see a shrink about your shyness, you should be OK amidst such a group.
But if you are so shy that you’d feel overwhelmed in that sort of group, do a small wedding with immediate family and just a few of your closest friends. Because you really do have to invite your wedding guests to the reception, no matter how informal. (And go with as informal as you like. It’s your day.)
Then have a big, informal picnic-style reception a month or so after you get back from the honeymoon, that all your friends and relatives can come to, and you can show up at in blue jeans if you want.
Debaser, if you can not track the friends of your parents down (hint: for a first wedding, they often are the one issuing the invitations), then track down the Maid/Matron of Honor or the Best Man. Or call the Bride or Groom.
But I can not praise registering enough, especially if you go to a place that will let you trade in 6 cordless drills for a table saw. (Or dishes for silver …)
When I got married we (our mothers) told every-one we want dinning room chairs, not a set, just any nice old chair they thought we might like. We got money.
I really wanted a lot a unmatching chairs; I thought it would be cool.