It’s where you and the groom stand by the door and welcome everyone as they come in, all the time trying to think of something different and personal to say to every person even if you have never met a third of them in your life.
You need to have a small ceremony with family only and then run off on the honeymoon. Use the money saved for the honeymoon and you won’t have to write all those "Thank You"s.
If you have a reception line, though, you can take off quickly after the reception begins. (In fact, those people who had it drilled in that you don’t leave until after the bride and groom have gone will love you for it)
Basically you, your husband, your attendants, the parents, (and probably your kids) stand in a line. The guests queue up and then walk quickly down the line of important wedding people - best wishes and congratulations are given as appropriate. This way, you have seen and greeted everyone in a reasonably orderly fashion.
Cessandra writes:
> The only things I care about are having a pretty dress and my
> kids, and not having a panic attack from all the people trying to
> talk to me and congratulate me.
Your kids? I just reread your posts and realized something. Is this a second marriage for you? Is it a second marriage for your husband? Traditionally, second weddings are not big affairs. While there are some people who have big weddings when it’s not a first marriage, there are others who consider it a little gauche to hold a big ceremony if it’s not a first marriage. It would be more traditional to hold a small wedding in that case.
Indeed, there are people who don’t like the idea of having to give a wedding gift a second time to someone. Their reaction is “So she’s hitting me up for a present again.” (Yeah, that’s a mean-spirited attitude, but some people think that way. There was a thread on the SDMB a year or so ago started by someone who didn’t want to have to give another wedding present to a friend who was having a big second wedding.) On the other hand, if you eloped the first time, or if for some other reason hardly anyone from the first wedding is coming to the second one, you’ll find it easier to get away with a big wedding.
This is his second wedding, my first. His first wedding was very small and informal (it was planned in a day and most of the guests and attendants wore jeans). He wants a “real” wedding this time. Actually, I think he just wants to do everything as unlike his first wedding/marriage as possible!
Cessandra, I recommend you grab a wedding planner, just to see what your options are, and what’s considered “proper” and “improper.” I’m not saying you have to do everything, or even a fraction, of what’s in the book, but just get yourself familiar with how weddings can go.
An absolutely great one is Planning a Wedding to Remember, by Beverly Clark. I used it and loved it-- it’s all about planning the wedding that’s right for you, and how to accomplish it.
Gah! Stupid quote marks strike again! Try this:
Planning a Wedding to Remember,
Cessandra
We too are in the process of planning our wedding. Second marriage for me, first for my beau.
We are having a small wedding in my dad’s backyard with a chicken and rib BBQ afterwords. Totally informal.
As for the asking for money part, most of the people we will invite are relatives. On the invitation, we have put “In lieu of gift, there will be a wishing well” But, just to be sure, we’ve registered at 1 place. Not an expensive place either. That way we’re giving the option.
We’ve been living together for 4 years, 5 by the time the wedding rolls around. Most of our guests know we have everything we need and would like to have a nice honeymoon. Sure, it may seem tacky, but who really needs 3 crock pots and 5 billion picture frames and candle holders?!
I do recommend having a small reception. I understand about being shy. At my last wedding we had the whole big reception, but no sit down dinner. We had the reception line, a few pictures, 1 dance together, and 1 with the father&grandfather of the bride and then we left. We were getting up at 4 am for our Honeymoon.
Good luck!!!
Mrs Lizardo and I had an afternoon wedding with about 70 people, which was the most we could cram into the space we used. We managed to keep the crowd small by the simple expedient of only sending out advanced notice to people we really wanted to come; others got an invite but not in enough time to reserve airfare, hotels and the like. (Evil, I know, but it had to be done.) It helps that we live in a city at least 250 miles from the nearest relative.
In addition to the formal ceremony, everyone was invited to join us later that evening at a local pool hall. This allowed us to screen out all of the “adult” family members and have a second celebration with just our close circle of friends. It also gave people who couldn’t be invited to the ceremony a chance to partake in our happy day.
Don’t skip out on the recpetion, kiddo! I went to one where the bride and groom skipped out early, and it sucked. The family were carrying on and having a great time, while the small number of friends who attended (the wedding was out-of-state) sat around wondering what the hell we were doing there. We talked and joked among ourselves, of course, but mainly we were marooned in a sea we of people we didn’t know from a culture we were utterly unfamiliar with. People are coming to the wedding for you and the groom, not for the sake of the party. I agree with most people: have as informal a reception as you can get away with. Design the traffic flow carefully, buffering yourself with a maze of tables containing understanding friends and family who can help insulate you a little bit from the well-wishers.
The hubby and I had a small wedding with about 40 people, and it was hard keeping the invitation list that small. We kept remembering people who had to be invited, so aim low, but be willing to be flexible.
As for gifts, I’m speak from experience when I say you just can’t avoid 'em. You’ll get all kinds of stuff, most of which you don’t need. However, you’ll probably get lots of cash, too, even if you don’t ask for it. Traditionally speaking, it’s tacky to tell people you prefer cash, and it’s almost equally tacky to have your parents do it, too. I agree with the previous advice: stress that your needs are very modest, wax enthusiastically about your honeymoon plans, and hope for the best. Then write enthusiastic and prompt thank-you notes about the ridiculously fragile crystal bud vase and lovely silver-plated cake server that doesn’t match anything else you own.
You can actually “register” with certain travel agencies as you would with a store! Your guests can then buy you portions of your honeymoon trip, as they would otherwise buy place settings of china, etc…
Just search or google on “registry honeymoon travel agency” and maybe your city or state - I came up with a ton of hits!
Good luck -
If you’re concerned about following traditional etiquette, please keep in mind that many of today’s bridal inductry outfits recommend stuff that isn’t traditionally kosher, or is even downright tacky and rude. (I’ve seen lots that recommend having shower guests address their own thank-you cards because <chirpy> “It’s such a timesaver for busy brides!!” </chirpy>) Ditto for money trees, money dances, suggesting donations to charity in lieu of gifts, etc. Let the bride beware!
Thinking about weddings I’ve attended…
My sister had an impromptu reception line at the chapel as the guests exited. It wasn’t planned because my sister gets tired easily and can’t stand up for long periods. Because the chapel has one main door (with back doors behind the changing rooms), and the wedding party exited first and was waiting to finish pictures and such, they were all conveniently standing around by the exit as the crowd departed, so the reception line just kinda happened.
My cousins got married with a small affair in the back yard of the bride’s parents. The ceremony was about 50 people, and included going to a restaurant afterwards for the reception. Thus we all got food, but it was very informal, with maybe a couple toasts at the restaurant.
Weddings are a bizarre event anyway. The hope and goal of the guests is to get to see as much of the happy couple as possible to share their joy, while the bride and groom are frazzled and confused and inundated by so many people they really don’t have much time to talk to any one person. But you really can’t skip the reception. The wedding is the ceremony, but the reception is when everyone gets to speak to you. Rather, keep it small and informal. 70 or so guests to the wedding is not really big, it’s fairly small. Stop and think how many relatives and close friends each of you has. Depends on how big your extended family is, but unless you go really small, it quickly gets to be a case of “Aunt Mae will be so hurt if you don’t invite her.”
Basically you’re saying he wants a large, formal ceremony to contrast with his previous wedding, and you want a small, informal event to reduce anxiety. Mutually opposed goals. Guess it’s time to break in those married couple skills. 
Suggestion: keep the ceremony limited to close family and friends, have a small, informal reception only for wedding guests to socialize a little, and then if you want a more casual party later to invite extended family and friends to after the honeymoon.
Oh, and if you do get gifts you can’t use, it is okay to return them. (Who needs 6 gravy boats?)
Cessandra, I know that everyone is different and I don’t want to sound like I’m getting on your case, but, really, if you’re that scared about spending just a couple of hours with people who only want to wish you well, then perhaps you might want to have a serious talk with someone. People are there just to have fun and wish you well. They don’t expect you to perform for them. Speaking personally, I would feel very insulted if I were attending someone’s wedding and I found our that it was just too much for the bride to “suffer” having to spend just a second or two to greet each of us who are there only because we want to show our support and happiness for her. I suppose I’m a little bit on the conservative side on this issue, but in my view, a ceremony like a wedding is less for the bride and groom and more for their family and friends and community to mark the special occasion and the public commitment they’ve made to each other. Getting married is a social act and the wedding is there to signify its social importance. If it was really the couple’s likes and dislikes that were paramount, then you could just make an appointment with the j.p.
If someone is going to buy you something, especially someone who doesn’t even know you that well, shouldn’t waste time looking at a list in a registry. How impersonal… Cash is great.
Absent a cite from Ms. Manners or Letetia Baldridge, this is really more an IMHO thing. So off it goes.
Actually in some cultures espically old style meditrairrean <sp> cultures the wedding gift is money
The reciving line was part of this purpose … you thanked them for coming and they slipped you a cash filled envelope
Of course In some weddings they do both
We registered late and only got two gifts, one was hand made, the rest cash. I do have to say that writing thank you’s for 50 cash gifts was very tedious! At least when you have a gift you can say something about it in the note.
Also, I loved my reception. It was great to have so many of my favorite people gathered in one place at one time for such a happy occasion. We were married Sept 15, 2001, so there were a lot of people who couldn’t make it. There ended up being only about 55 instead of 200ish.
And just as an idea, one I thought of too late to use myself, if you have a lot of kids (you said that you have kids) make party favors for them. Like you’d tie up almonds in netting, put a ribbon around crayons and a coloring book, or maybe a hotwheels car for the boys and a play make-up kit for the girls.
I ment that if you have a lot of kids coming to the reception. I didn’t mean to imply that you, yourself had a lot of kids. Sorry, the brain/hand coordination is groggy this morning.
And whatever sort of reception you do or don’t have, if you start getting nervous, remember that a bride on her wedding day can do no wrong. Automatically. Anything at all that you do at your own wedding is the right way to do it. If the bride is doing a dance one way and all 500 guests are doing it another way, then the 500 guests are wrong. So don’t be nervous, let all the other, fallible, people there be nervous.