I have here a wedding invitation, which wedding I plan to attend, stating a Gift Policy:
“Next to your presence at our wedding, a donation made to the following organizations or a charity of your choice in honor of our marriage would be the most meaningful gift you could give us! Thank you” - and then Habitat for Humanity and the American Parkinson Disease Association are mentioned.
Well I’m a crusty ol’ bugger, and I’m with Miss Manners on gift direction (it’s a bit presumptious) but I’ll let it slide … these people are not setting up a new household and have plenty of nice things already. That’s not my question.
My question is, am I supposed to let them know that I made a donation to such-and-such charity? Is there a tasteful way to do this?
And does this really let me off the hook, as far as giving a gift to them? One piddly donation to an unspecified charity, in an unspecified amount, and I’ve bought my way into a wedding reception? What have things come to?
It would be easier if they supported a zoo. Then you could just sponsor an animal on their behalf and send them its photo.
However don’t some charities provide gift donation certificates or something? I am sure if you rang one of their named charities and explained the situation they might be able to help.
I think this is a much nicer idea than wedding presents. It’s also much more equitable - meaning guests who aren’t well off can just make a small donation, whatever they can afford - and not break the bank on crystal candelabras.
Well, you could send them a photo of Michael J. Fox…
(oh my gosh! that was so so wrong! so sorry so sorry!)
I agree that gift direction is very tacky. But since they already did it, you might as well honor their wishes. How about you give them a card or a note with good wishes for their new marriage, and somewhere in there mention which charity you donated to?
You’re right in that they’ve committed a no-no in mentioning gifts at all in their invitation, but I find it utterly forgiveable given their intentions! How wonderful to give money for charity instead of gifts, especially when many charities are feeling a pinch.
If the charity of your choice does not provide a card for this, then I’d enclose a note in your wedding card saying you were delighted to make a donation to Cranky International (or whatever charity) in their honor. Obviously, no mention of amount.
I like The Heifer Project, and they will send a card to you. Imagine, you can buy a PIG in honor of someone!
Well, strictly by the book, the couple probably isn’t supposed to tell you how to spend your money, but… in this case, I think their “offense” is pretty forgivable. I mean, I’ve seen (and heard about) invitations that were all but demanding cash gifts. THAT’S tacky.
So, I have a hard time getting TOO outraged about people saying, in effect, “We have everything we need, so don’t spend money on us. If you have too much money on your hands, give it to a worthy charity, instead of buying us a creamer or a champagne flute.”
I would only get outraged if they pushed the wrong kind of charity. There’s nothing wrong with John & Mary donating money to Planned Parenthood and/or the NRA, but they’d be waaaay out of line to request donations to either organization from wedding guests. But since the couple in THIS case left the charity up to the donor, and the charities they suggested are pretty non-controversial, I’d be inclined to honor their wishes.
I’d say go ahead and send whatever sum you like to one of the charities they endorsed. It’s none of their business how much, so while it would be nice of you to send a card saying, “A gift has been made to ____ in your name,” you have no obligation to tell them how much.
By the way, if you choose your own charity, make it one you know won’t offend the wedding couple. Its fine if you give your own money to Operation Rescue or the ACLU, but not in the name of the wedding couple.