It does; Chinese wedding etiquette isn’t the same as Western wedding etiquette. Nobody will give you showing up with a date a 2nd thought as long as you put an appropriate amount in the hongbao (avoid odd numbers, or anything w/ a 4 in it).
I would probably still check as they aren’t close friends or family , but alphaboi867 is correct. The etiquette is not the same.
I would call and ask. All of my friends know that I am NOT up on social niceties. If it is a wedding of folks from a different culture then mine, you betcha I will ask! For instance, I have no idea what hongbao even is, and what is up with the numerology?
Weddings are usually fun. I do not think that since I met my wife I have attended one without her. If she can not come, I do not have any reason to attend. Not even for family.
Listen to others before me. As I said, I am clueless on social issues, especially Chinese ones.
Of course you could skip it and avoid all the hassle.
OK, I looked up hongbao and it seems that, like most cultural things, it depends on where in China these folks are from. Call, and then do as they ask. Luck, 48.
I agree that cultural norms are crucial here. For instance, if I were to have received the invite in question, I’d automatically assume that my SO was also invited - because I wouldn’t think that anyone would be so rude as to imply that I would be willing to go to a party without my SO.
I agree with this. Calling and asking is putting the person on the spot. I’d assume they invited everyone they felt they could and not second guess their decision. What if they can’t afford to have more people and every person who didn’t get a plus one on their invite asked to bring their SO? It would add up quick.
It’s one afternoon or evening of your life. I don’t understand why so many people would be so put out that if their SO wasn’t invited they wouldn’t go either. Unless you really want to stay and party it up you’re talking about a few hours away from your partner. I can’t imagine skipping something like a wedding of a friend because my SO couldn’t go.
And when you show up at the wedding, alone, and the bride greets you at the reception line and asks, “But where’s [your girlfriend]?”, what do you say?
Or just turn up :~). Even at a traditional reception there is almost always a spare place at the reception because someone didn’t turn up. If they are really traditional, they will feel they must make you welcome. Of course in that case, the bride and the mother of the bride will hate you forever… Wedding Crashers
Traditionally, only the people named on an invitation are invited.
If you had described yourself as being close friends with them, then I might think it was an oversight. But given that you’ve said you’re not particularly close to them, and your girlfriend has even less of a relationship with them, I’d say this was deliberate. Be pleased that you have been invited (rather than miffed that your girlfriend hasn’t).
Weddings are expensive and the line has to be drawn somewhere as to who does and doesn’t get invited.
Maybe they didn’t really want you to come.
I would accept and then send someone else to attend in my place. I have friends that love Chinese food, particularly free Chinese food.
It depends on what you mean by “SO”. If we are talking about a relationship of years, and especially one in which the couple live together, it’s really odd not to invite both. A couple is a social unit, and if you are inviting one person to something purely social (as opposed to a work function), you really need to invite the couple.
Now, the same doesn’t apply to someone who is seeing someone else casually. I don’t think wedding-throwers have to extend the +1 to everyone. The line is blurry. But there is a line, and I don’t think it would be unreasonable to be hurt if invited to a friend’s wedding but told your spouse/long time SO was not welcome. If you can’t invite the couple, don’t invite at all.
For me, it’s specifically weddings I feel this way about, and it’s because they are all about celebrating relationships, so it seems stupid and petty to not invite people’s significant others to such an event. Also, there is often dancing at weddings, and being forced to leave my usual dance partner at home does not warm me to your event. I would rather just send a gift and be done with it.
[Jumping up like Arnold Horshack] Oooh oooh! I know that one!! [/julah] You say “You didn’t invite her!”
The Chinese word for 4 sounds like the word for death and odd amounts of money are only given at funerals.
You should attend alone, but if caught in a utility closet with the maid of honor, use your SO’s non invite as an excuse for your behavior.
Back when my wife and I got married, we invited a friend of our from college, who gave me a call because she was in a similar situation to yours - she had a long-term boyfriend that she was living with. If we had known that our friend was in such a relationship, we would have made the invitation out to both of them, so we appreciated being contacted, and we let our friend know that her boyfriend was invited. I suppose we were put a little on the spot by the question, but it wasn’t a big deal as I recall.
- Chinese wedding banquets are enormously expensive per head and
- They are also long, and you don’t want to be there without someone whose company you enjoy.
Call someone and ask.
You don’t need to ask. “How many attending? Up to six” means you are welcome to bring six people with you. And this is an Asian occasion. Asians expect extra people to show up. That’s part of the celebration.
It was on a website. It was probably a generic menu. I don’t think you can make that assumption.
Except for one thing- it’s entirely possible that two second or third generation Asian-Americans getting married in a Western country might have a Chinese banquet but use American etiquette for the invitations. TBH, I don’t remember being invited to any Chinese style weddings ( and my husband is Chinese) that required an RSVP of any type , so I’d say at the very least it’s a mixture.
Oh, and in “Number Attending” with a drop down menu on a website is equivalent to
“Number Attending __” on a printed invitation. It doesn’t mean you fill in whatever number you can fit in the space. It’s a way to inform the host how many of the people invited on this invitation will attend- if only two people were invited, the maximum number of attendees is 3. If another invitation goes to a couple and their four children, there may be 6 attendees , as six were invited.