Where is the reception? I’m thinking I might stop and check it out.
Agreed. If the invitation does not explicitly mention the SO or “and guest”, then the SO is not invited. There’s the possibility of oversight and what have you, but I would never make that assumption and quite frankly cannot believe the number of people who would act otherwise. That is simply gauche.
I don’t see what the big deal it is to attend a wedding without an SO, either. It is a celebration of the bride and groom’s relationship, not your relationship. No need to be put out when it’s not about you, you, you.
Co-sign this. Wedding style and the assumed cultural etiquette do not always go hand in hand. For what it’s worth, my Chinese family and friends always err on the side of caution and would never crash a Chinese wedding.
To everyone who has said it’s not a big deal to just invite half a couple, would you feel sanguine if someone invited you to a wedding and left off your spouse? To me, not inviting a spouse would be Definitely Rude: a married couple is a social unit. Unless it’s a purely work function, or a social event that is activity oriented (i.e., a golf game) or gender segregated, spouses are always invited. On the other hand, in my mind people aren’t entitled to a casual +1 to bring someone from the office they’ve been wanting to ask out.
In my mind, the debate is about where the line is between “bringing a first date” and “spouse”. Since we don’t know much about the OP’s relationship, it’s hard to say where they are on the spectrum. But do some people actually see it as ok to leave a spouse off a wedding invite? Is it ok to leave someone’s live-with-for-decades partner?
I mean, if I got a wedding invitation to just me, I would be confused why my husband wasn’t on it, and if they were nice people that I didn’t think would do something horribly rude, I would think it was probably a mistake and feel comfortable asking through channels. If this guy’s SO approaches “spouse” seriousness, I think it’s reasonable for him to do the same.
It would depend on the situation for me. If the invitation was from a friend of both of us, it would puzzle me and possibly hurt my feelings. If it was a friend of his who didn’t invite me, I honestly wouldn’t care.
I assume people do things for reasons and I’m not about to assume that little old me is in any way part of their reason. Maybe they have limited funds. Maybe each person only got a certain number of guests they were able to invite. Some locations are limited by size and on and on. It isn’t up to me to decide what is or isn’t reasonable for someone else to choose for their wedding. It’s THEIR wedding. For me it’s just another day. If I go, that’s great. If I don’t and he goes without me, I’ll be fine. It isn’t my day. Obviously your mileage does vary, but honestly I don’t see it as a slight at all. It’s not a celebration of relationships, it’s a celebration of their relationship.
But it’s also a celebration, which means that if the guests aren’t enjoying themselves, it’s a failure.
Are you honestly suggesting that people are unable to enjoy themselves if they attend an event for a few hours without their spouse or significant other? How precious.
Noooo…but if I went to a wedding of people I don’t know well, I’d like to have my SO.
Plus if it’s a Chinese-style banquet like the ones I’ve been to, it’s pretty boring. ALL you do is eat and talk. There is literally nothing else. In the banquets I have been to, you sit around tables in a tight, crowded room, and they bring course after course of decadent, possibly endangered, possibly illegally gotten food. That’s not to say it’s terrible - the food is good - but by the third course I am full, and there’s like nine more to go.
So it’s really good to have someone to talk to that you know, and that will engage you in conversation. When I go I am going to see my SO’s family, and I know them well, so I can talk to anyone, but if it was people I didn’t know well? I’d want my SO. After all, he is my best friend!
In the end, though, I’d still check. Like I said, these things cost a LOT per head.
If the event is a board-gaming get-together with friends, then obviously not. If it’s a wedding, then maybe. Context matters.
I also don’t have a lot of sympathy for the “But it’s their DAAAAAY, they get to do anything they want!” defense. If it’s just their day then why are they even inviting guests in the first place?
Well, when I got married, it was totally fine to bring significant others to our reception, so long as you marked it so on the invitation.
Honestly, I find it more rude that people think it’s ok to not invite a significant other or be upset that someone would bring the significant other. As in, I am honestly stunned by the rudeness of the SDMB in saying “don’t bring your significant other to a wedding”. That is seriously out of line where I’m from.
It’s the assumption that it’s ok that is what one shouldn’t do. It’s ok to find a nice way to ask.
It’s the Dope. We’ve had threads before where people suggested that they would commit physical violence on someone else for daring to ask them to scoot a couple of seats over in a movie theater. This is probably not the go-to location for advice on how to behave appropriately among other human beings.
Look, I’m not saying it’s a cardinal sin to ask if you can bring your SO/spouse but personally I do think it’s rude and a tad presumptuous. To me it’s like saying “Hey look, I know you guys are paying for this big event and possibly paying a couple of hundred dollars a head but I sure would like to take my girlfriend because gosh I just can’t have any fun for a few hours without her and you didn’t say plus one so can you pop another couple hundred and invite her too?”
Anaamika, I get what you’re saying. In the case of someone I don’t know well, I just wouldn’t go at all (whether he was invited or not probably) because I’ve been to a ton of weddings already in my life and from here out I’m going to only family and good friends 
I’m pretty good with small talk and getting-to-know-you stuff so it hasn’t bothered me in the past to make dinner talk with strangers at weddings, but I can see how if you were shy at all it might be hard. Still, this is the Dope so I guess I should be used to people taking offense (not that everyone has but some have) at things that are clearly not done out of spite.
I’m probably not going to have a whole lot of fun attending a wedding without my spouse. You seem to think that’s crazy/insane/selfish/stupid/whatever, but I actually don’t think it’s all that weird.
I also take issue with the concept that I’m supposed to take the cost of the reception into consideration when deciding what’s okay or not okay to ask about. It’s not my fault that someone chose to spend $200 per person on their reception, and knowing this dollar amount doesn’t make it any more fun for me to attend an event, to which one traditionally brings their significant other, without my significant other. It also doesn’t make it any more or less rude to ask if my SO is invited or not.
No, I am not saying that people should just bring their SO if not invited. I agree that that’s rude. But I think it’s also rude to not invite guests’ significant others (particularly if long-term and committed), especially if the reason is because you didn’t budget your reception properly.
No, I’m actually totally with you on the not going. I’ve been to about five weddings in my adult life because of this - If I don’t know the bride and the groom at least a little, I probably won’t be going at at all. I’m good at small talk too - now. I didn’t always used to be.
I do think it’s a little odd not to expect to bring your SO. “Come and celebrate the love of MY life but do NOT bring the love of YOUR life to celebrate with me.” It makes me a little bwuh?
Are you honestly suggesting weddings are not social events typically attended with a person’s spouse or SO? How odd.
You seem a little put off by the idea of the wedding being about the bride and the groom as well as put off by the fact that it’s expensive to throw a wedding. I find it presumptuous that you’re questioning their right to invite whomever they choose for the event they’re paying for. No, the price doesn’t make it any more or less rude for you to invite someone else to another person’s party. That’s rude no matter what the cost.
Honestly, I’m bewildered by what seems to be sneering condescension from you on a lot of these posts. From your “their dayyyyyy” silliness earlier to your strange comment about it not being your “fault” they chose a dollar amount that I threw out there. You also tsktsked the idea that someone didn’t budget their reception properly. Do you get at all how judgmental and offputting all of that adds up to? If someone wants to have less guests so they can afford more of what they want, that’s their business. You deciding what’s appropriate based on your preferences is certainly interesting. What you see as not budgeting properly might just be what they chose. You don’t get a vote other than just not going. I presume you got to have your wedding the way you wanted it.
You and I are simply not going to agree on this issue, that’s why I specifically didn’t address your last point you directed at me. I’m not sure what else there is to say about it honestly. Don’t want to go without him and decide to just skip it? Probably for the best for everyone.
That’s quite a jump you’re making. I suggested no such thing. I simply said that if only one of a couple is invited to a wedding I don’t see how it’s a “well I won’t be going to that!” kind of thing. As I mentioned earlier, if it is a mutual friend I’d wonder what’s going on but in the case of the OP he doesn’t even know the people that much so it’s certainly not some monumental snub. My position has simply been that I’m perfectly capable of going somewhere without my SO and having a great time and I was surprised there were so many people so incredibly opposed.
Now I realize this isn’t nearly as fun as taking my sentence and twisting my words so you could say “how odd” at the end, but there it is.
Or perhaps it can be both?
Yes, it’s typical to expect your SO to be invited, but if for some reason they are not, it’s not the end of the world to go alone if you really want to be at the wedding.
Since it is typical to invite a SO, it’s also not unreasonable to double check, discreetly, if they are actually invited it it appears they were not.
It ‘s rude not to invite your guests’ significant others if you know they exist. That’s the difference between inviting an SO and what many people refer to as a “plus one”. My daughter’s guest list for her (future) wedding should not include my sister without her SO of 10 years (and his name will be on the envelope- it won’t be “and guest” ). It does not need to include my son’s girlfriend who may or may not exist, and if she does , we’ve never met or heard about her.
And there it is. Succinctly and awesomely put. You read my mind, thanks for that 
On that note, I’m done with this. I’ve spent far more time than I wanted to on this difference of opinion. Next time I’ll just let Ivory say it better for me
I’m either coming across as way more antagonistic than I meant to, or you are taking this way too personally, or both. Yes, I do think that if you are forced to tell people that they can’t bring their significant others due to cost that you probably spent too much money on your reception. That is certainly their business and they have the right to do it. I also have the right to think it’s dumb and somewhat inappropriate.
As for weddings being expensive, no, not necessarily. I’ve been to blowout weddings with catered dinners and fancy rented halls, and I’ve been to weddings hosted in people’s backyards featuring chili and cornbread made by their moms. Both were really fun, mostly because they were a gathering of friends and family and there was celebration, drinking, and dancing. If you can’t afford the blowout wedding without having to invite only half of couples, then maybe scale it down a bit.
Does that sound super rude and condescending? It’s not meant to. You are perhaps more invested in this conversation than I am.
Yes, agreed.