Where the hell is the junior bridesmaid and/or flower girl supposed to be during the wedding? I can’t for the life of me remember from the handful of weddings I’ve been to and could only bring myself to do the most rudimentary google search given that all these bridal/wedding websites make me ill.
So do they stand to the side (which side?) or sit with their parents or what?
If they’re very young, I usually see them sitting with their parents once they’ve walked up, or if the bridesmaids are sitting (such as for a full Catholic wedding) they sit with them. Otherwise, they usually stand with the bridesmaids. If the flower girl was say, the best man’s daughter, I can understand if she would stand by him, too.
If it’s your wedding, have them do whatever you darn well want them to do.
I agree. Put the kid wherever you want her to be.
If her mother or father is in the wedding party, she might want to stand with the parent. In our wedding, the flower girl was only 3, so she went back to sit in the front row with her father (mother was in the party) and play with the ring bearer.
If the kid is older, they may want to stand with the party, or may not.
I agree with the other posters. If it is your wedding, then you should put them where you would like them. Having said that, if she is very young it may be in your best interest to have her sit with parents.
Good luck~
I had my flower girls (sisters) sit with their parents. They were 5 and 6, and I just thought it was a nicer thing to do – they could fidget and everything, and they wouldn’t stand up there looking cute the whole time and stealing my thunder. 
Personally, [sup](and since this is IMHO so I’m gonna say it!)[/sup] I have yet to see the “use” of a “flower girl” or children in the wedding party period. Is it the cute factor? I just don’t get it. 1/2 these kids are scared shitless by having EVERYONE in the church looking at them (I don’t blame them) and the other 1/2 are monsters that run rampant. Either way, the vast majority of the time the wedding would have been “nicer” without them in the party. Whatever happened to a Bride, Groom, Maid of Honor, Bestman? But hey, whatever floats your boat…
That being said, put them wherever you want… but they would probably be happier with their parents. Its your day! Do what you want!
We stuck ours at the end of the line of bridesmaids. If our ceremony were more than three minutes long (Best wedding ever!) then we would have had her sit down so that she didn’t get tired.
–Cliffy
Wow, bernse, I couldn’t disagree more. There’s the cute factor, the tradition factor, the fact that it’s the only easy way to involve children in the wedding, and children are often just as important to the couple as some of the adults present.
When a friend of mine got married, she had two flower girls that came down the aisle after us bridesmaids. When they got to the end of the aisle, they turned to the audience and on the count of a quiet 3, they said togather, “Everybody rise! Here comes the bride!” It was SO darling. Not a dry eye in the house. After they said their piece, they joined their parents in the first row. They were 6.
At my wedding, I had 2 flower girls, aged 8 and 9. They were so proud of their pretty dresses and to be in the wedding party that when I asked if they’d rather sit down or stay up at the front, they opted to stay up at the front. They did beautifully, but it helps to be close to the kids and make sure they know how important their roles are in the wedding. In my case, they stood together sort of at the end of the line of bridesmaids, setting their flower-baskets on the floor. It worked well.
Junior bridesmaids I haven’t got any experience with, but from what I recall from my etiquette books, junior bridesmaids should be treated just like regular bridesmaids-- they stand with the wedding party.
Hey thanks, ever-buddy. It’s good when things turn out to be flexible–I just didn’t want to commit some horrible wedding faux pas. That’s one thing that really bothers me about weddings (and wedding research): the whole get-so-hung-up on the way it should be instead of the way that was fun and worked out well for everybody.
For example, my fiancé and I didn’t even want to have a bridal party, we’re very simple people and we wanted a super simple wedding. Both mothers insist that we have at least a maid/matron of honour and a best man “for legal reasons.” Fine, not a big deal. Although why we can’t just have two witnesses sign like a lot of people do, I’ll never know. We picked two people we loved very much but who aren’t really in a position to help organise anything, so we sort of lose out on that benefit of designating a MOH & BM (titter), but again, we love these two very much and it’s not a big deal.
I’m just a teensy bit irritated because I’m being “forced” to have a young cousin play junior bridesmaid/flower girl. I keep using both because I can’t remember how old she is. I love her, and all, but I see them once or twice a year at holidays, and the last time I saw her, I swung her upside down by her ankles mock threatening her because she hit her dog. I mean, she seems to be becoming a brat, and there were other (admittedly little) things, if hitting a dog for no reason (and with a golden lab (as with most dogs) there never is a reason)doesn’t seem to be bratty enough. Anyway, the women from that side of my family have been dropping hints about the pretty dress she has and how proud of it she is and how she wants any excuse to wear it–but don’t worry, they tell me, we haven’t mentioned anything to her about being a flower girl so it’s entirely up to you. But when we go with my mother to the flower shop I find out that it’s not up to me. [Darth Vader voice] There will be a flower girl. It will be your cousin[/Darth Vader voice]
No, not really, it was more like the other attendant thing: “No, you really should, she’d love it…” with the look and the tone telling me it wasn’t an option to say no. An offer I couldn’'t refuse. Plus, what am I gonna do? Fight with my mom about this in front of the flower lady? It’s embarrassing I’ve written so much already, it’s such a little, stupid thing to get irritated about.
I’m not one of those brides who stamps her foot and says “It’s my wedding!” I just would rather not have that extra detail to bother with, it’s hard enough arranging a wedding five hundred miles from home. I think she’ll end up being a junior bridesmaid because she is at least 9, and her family lives out of state and so (last time it was mentioned) it would be hard for them to come out on Friday (the day of the rehearsal).
So all I’m saying is that there are a lot more reasons to not have a darn junior bridesmaid than to have one. The only pros being A: it would make her very happy B: it would make that side of the family very happy C: Even though she’s a bit bratty she’s at least old enough to have the desire not to embarrass herself, and so, will probably behave.
I'm doubly irritated because this whole thing makes me feel like a grinch, or a primadonna bride. Thanks for reading the incoherant rant-blings. Any further advice is always welcome.Tortuga, I feel for you. I’m getting married in August, and I have decided on two bridesmaids and one groomsman. Doesn’t match up? Too bad. We’re also having a very simple wedding. No flowergirls or ring bearers; I don’t see the reason for them either. In fact, we’re not having any kids at our wedding and reception. There’s a bunch of reasons for this, but we (Jim and I) sat down and made a hard decision, and that’s where it came out. I know what you mean about the grinch thing - I feel a little bad about not inviting the kids, but I have my reasons, and the parents will just have to respect my decision. If you want to talk more about wedding stuff, please feel free to send me an e-mail
(bernse, you do justice to my crush on you.:D)
featherlou, my brother got married last year and he and his wife refused to have kids at the reception. My kids were the only exception. When I asked why, he said “You guys are coming all the way from Japan. I’m not going to turn around and deny my niece and nephew from coming to the wedding when they’ve travelled all this way”. So to placate everyone, they made my kids pageboy and flowergirl. That way they were officially in the wedding party, rather than just guests.
I protested, but bro and his wife were adamant. Thankfully my kids were absolute angels the whole time we were in Australia, so no-one had a reason to complain about them at the wedding.
Basically its YOUR wedding, do what you like.
featherlou, my brother got married last year and he and his wife refused to have kids at the reception. My kids were the only exception. When I asked why, he said “You guys are coming all the way from Japan. I’m not going to turn around and deny my niece and nephew from coming to the wedding when they’ve travelled all this way”. So to placate everyone, they made my kids pageboy and flowergirl. That way they were officially in the wedding party, rather than just guests.
I protested, but bro and his wife were adamant. Thankfully my kids were absolute angels the whole time we were in Australia, so no-one had a reason to complain about them at the wedding.
Basically its YOUR wedding, do what you like.
I feel so strongly about this, I HAD to post it twice!
Sorry about that.
Hey thanks for the offer featherlou but unless you can find me a DJ in San Diego who’ll just shut up and spin, the less I think or deal with all this wedding crap. Ah, I’m just letting the little things tick me off. Bottom line: I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I love, the best man in the world, and we are going to have a great time at (most likely) the most expensive party we’ll ever have–gonna get our money’s worth 