I think taking your friend out for a pedicure and going to Couple A’s wedding is a great idea. Good choice.
I don’t see a problem with sending wedding invitations as early as possible. We sent ours out 5 months in advance (we are having a destination wedding and wanted everyone to have plenty of time to get plane tickets and hotels and such straightened out) and I still think we could have sent them out earlier. Having extra time to plan is always a better option IMHO.
I know that etiquette dictates wedding invitations be sent out 6-8 weeks in advance or something like that but I don’t think that works out well at all. Earlier this year I knew one of my friends was getting married but didn’t know the exact date. She sent out her invitations 5 weeks in advance and it took 10 days to get to me. By the time I received it I had about 3 weeks to figure out if I could buy a plane ticket, get time off work, find a dress that works for the ceremony, book a hotel room and rent a car, etc. I declined the invitation simply because I didn’t have the time to figure all of that stuff out. If she had sent the invitations with 3 months notice I could have had the time to do all of those things. From her point of view she needed to know how many people she was supposed to feed and provide seats, favors, and programs for and having 5-10 days to arrange all of that is cutting it damn close.
This is why save-the-date cards were invented.
Excuse my ignorance, but what is the point of a save the date card, which is not accomplished exactly the same and cheaper with a single invitation? To all intents and purposes, the invite says keep this day free and let me know if you can’t. I’ve not seen one myself, perhaps it’s an American thing only?
Sorry to keep up the derailment, but we sent out invites in mid-may for out late August wedding. People plan stuff way in advance for weekends. I was flummoxed when I got an invitation two week ago for a friend’s wedding in mid-June- I’d gotten it in my head that her wedding was in July. Luckily it’s nearby, but I had to do some shuffling.
I think it’s to avoid the problem that the OP has, to be honest. Once people get an invitation to something, they (should) feel some obligation to respond in the positive or negative promptly. If the event is five or six months away and in town (i.e., no special arrangements required to attend), I’d feel uncomfortable giving an ironclad yes/no answer that far out. But I’d also feel rude not doing so, since the timing of the invitation suggests that one is desired.
Just in general, I feel that rescinding an RSVP to attend one wedding as a guest in order to participate in another as a member of the wedding party is perfectly acceptable. Especially when the initial RSVP was given in response to an invitation sent so much earlier than convention dictates.
This situation is clearly more complicated than that (each member of the couple potentially being in the wedding party of one wedding or the other), but I don’t feel it was a slam-dunk, no-thought-required decision. I’m glad you guys found a solution that works, and that hopefully will not piss anyone off.
I would have simply told couple A about your dilemma.
State that you could easily say “no”, but if you went, you could be back a couple hours later, if that would be a problem. Most likely, they will have plenty of guest where they could spend time chatting while you took a couple of hours drive to the other wedding and back. If I were a part of couple A, I would have said, 'Go! We’ll catch up later and have some drinks at the house."
But you handled it just fine.
Cockerel would be better, I think. At least they’re intact.