Weekly World News: Do they just make this stuff up or what?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Just in case this post makes you think that I’ve actually purchased one, let me assure you that I would rather throw Suzan B. Anthony dollars at Strom Thurmond than plunk one down at a grocery store for a copy of this rag.

I happened to see a photocopy of one on my coworker’s desk today. He obviously has it on display for chuckles, but then I realized that this “newspaper” is very popular. Some of the headlines I can see in the copy:

•Confessions of a pizza delivery man!

•World Exclusive! JonBenet killer REVEALED!

•World’s most accurate horoscope!

•Your shoe size tells how long you’ll live!

•OUTRAGEOUS! Govt. plan to drill for oil in Arlington Cemetery!

•Mom gives birth to 16 babies - at the same time!

•Bible’s Garden of Eden is in Wisconson, says expert!

•BIGFOOT CHILD found in (wiseacre coworker covered up the TRUE location & replaced it with the name of our company… har har!)

I’m pretty sure they must have a huge sweatshop style factory with people sitting at desks & fabricating these wacko stories. Then I began to wonder if any of these stories could have even a drop of truth anywhere inside, so I did a google search for “drill for oil in arlington cemetery”. Sure enough, I got many results featuring detailed information about US Army drill regulations regarding the north end of Arlington cemetery where they are doing various studies on spanish olive oil. So it looks like there may be some truth to that one :rolleyes:

To help support their stories, they often have pictures. For example, the 16 baby story has a picture of the happy (but still alive) mother holding all 16 of her newborn babies. To accomplish this, she has to stretch her arm out wide, almost as if she were really saying “I once caught a fish THIS big!”

The bigfoot child headline has a picture of a happy mom about to kiss her simian child. The child looks as though he is about to take a big chunk out of mom’s lower lip. Even though this is a photocopy, it’s pretty obvious that these are two different pictures that have been cropped together (possibly with scotch tape) to appear as a single image. The overall effect brings tears to the kidneys.

At their web site we discover that Amelia Earhart is still alive and living on a tiny island in the South Pacific at the ripe age of 103. They also provide the first photo of the formerly missing pilot in which we note that, in over 60 years, she still hasn’t taken her scarf or aviator’s goggles off.

Digging further into this fine publication, we have the story of the Bat Boy who was found in West Virginia (where else?) cave. Noted zoologist Ron Dillon goes on record as saying:

Hmmm, small size and razor sharp teeth? Impossible!

This child “evolved”? Okay doc! Whatever you say!

I can’t help but notice that he was thoughtfull enough to pose for several snap shots to go along with the article.

Actually, to be fair, the second picture is obviously a mirror image of the first, as if they just flipped over the negative and said to the printer “here, now print this one half-way down the page”. Maybe WWN readers have very short attention spans and, in the middle of reading it, may forget what the story is about, so they print the same picture half-way down the page.

He had large amber eyes? You bastards! What does he have now?

Wait, don’t tell me- you found him with a radar detector!

Enough of the bat boy. Let’s go get some Psychic Advise from Serena!

Cross examination of the question:

Dear Serena: I lost my ring. Instead of checking the most ovbious places like my purse & jacket pockets, I thought it would be more effective to write a letter to a 4th rate newspaper in the hopes that you might pick mine out of the hundreds you receive every day and publish the answer for everybody in the world to see, in case there are millions of people who are also looking for lost rings that their mothers gave them on October 31, 1999.

The rest of the “psychic” advice is a real hoot, but I don’t want to quote too much… copyright stuff and all that.

I think they should be required to take the word “news” out of their name. Any reason why nobody has ever tried to debunk the world’s most prolific source of made-up stories masquerading as news? How can they legally be allowed to call themselves a newspaper?

Just wanted you all to see how really dull my day has been.

2

Much of it is made up-- think of it as The Onion for stupid people. I’ve even seen interviews where the editors admit as much–one explanation I saw was “fictional people don’t sue”. Many of the writers are hired right out of journalism school, and paid well, since being a WWN writer tends to crater your career with respect to ever getting a real job in journalism.

The origin of the WWN is interesting. Some time back, the National Enquirer went from black + white to color. The WWN was started in order to use the old b+w presses. Also, if I remember correctly, due to industry consolidation, all of the major U.S. weekly tabloids are now owned by the same company.

3

I’ve bought it a number of times. I never for a second thought that they were even trying to make it sound plausible, rather it was a pretty obvious piss-take on the sort of articles that other tabloids run. In high school english class the teacher brought it in as an example of satire.

I mean, what sort of idiot would think that it was legitimate news?

4

I see these people all the time in the checkout line. They pick the paper up, look at the headlines as though it was The Washington Post and the headlines said “Cancer Cured!” But in reality the headline says “Boy Trapped in Refrigerator - Eats own foot”.

Sometimes they turn to their friend and say "wow look at this, I never knew that! Clearly there are a lot of people who buy into just about anything.

The Onion for stupid people. Tee-hee, I like that.

So tell me, BYK, why did you buy it? Just for the larfs?

5

My sister got me a daily calender that has a headline from the WWN every day. What a great calender!

My one complaint: There was a story about a guy who sent a photo of his sexy young wife swimming naked to her coworkers, and she divorced him because of it. They show the photo, but they censor out her delectable ass.

Then there’s a story about a big fat hairy guy who mooned a group of girls on a boat, which caused them to crash their boat and die. But they show this guy’s furry, beef-slab buttocks in all their glory! Dammit! I want to see the young woman’s ass, not this fat fuck’s friggin wooly hamhocks! Bastards!

6

[hijack]
Revtim reminds me of a letter to the editors of Time Magazine, back in the heyday of streaking, which Time covered (uncovered?) with glee. Anyway, the letter writer wanted to know “Why male streakers always were running AWAY from the camera, and female streakers were running TOWARD the camera?”
[/hijack]
We now return you to your regular Weekly World News…

By the way, isn’t it WWN that has a picture of the same alien shaking hands with every president, and many other prominent leader-types?

7

I used to see the headlines as a child and think they were true-after all, they had pictures! One about an alien getting two sisters-8 and 9 years old respectively, pregnant gave me nightmares. I was 9 and didn’t know what sex was, so I thought all the alien had to do was come into your house and shoot some raybeam at you.

It was pretty funky. I used to read them when I worked at a grocery store during slow moments. I mean, come on, it’s hysterical!

8

It’s called “entertainment” … surely you’re familiar with the concept? Much funnier than The Onion IMHO.

9

I love the weekly world news !! You can’t buy better pulp entertainment. (The onion’s free here) :smiley: Yes, most of it’s complete b.s., but every once in a while, if the story’s weird enough, they throw the legit story in there too.

ALL HAIL BAT_BOY !! :slight_smile:

10

Revtim,

One of my coworkers has that calendar. It keeps us very entertained. One of our favorite games is to flip to a random page and see who can spot what they did to manipulate the photo first. My fastest time was “World’s Biggest Baby” photo that has a mom holding a gigantic infant. Whoever enlarged the infant picture also enlarged mom’s hands. They’re huge!

11

Bat Boy is now an off-Broadway musical that is quickly becoming a cult thing. Yes, based on the WWN story. I have to go see it!

12

My mom buys this sometimes. She keeps it in an appropriate place. It sits next to the toilet, so it can be read when you have a spare minute and can use a laugh.

13

I could accept that if they didn’t seem to try to pass themselves off as a real newspaper. People may get the idea that these stories are true because the publication has “News” in their title and is printed on newsprint. It’s kinda like somebody dispencing psychiatric advice just because her title technically has “Dr.” in front of her name. People hear this advise and take it as coming from a doctor of psychology.

I’ll go pick one up on my lunch hour and see if I can lighten up a little…

14

I have to admit that for a good three years I bought the WWN EVERY…SINGLE…WEEK. I never laughed harder or longer at a newspaper in my whole life. My favorite picture is still taped up in one of my scrapbooks: An “artists conception” of what Satan looks like… There’s a lot of “artists conceptions” in WWN, I believe, actually bat boy originated that way. I also like how every winter is going to be the “WORST WINTER EVER! BIBLE PREDICTS!” and every summer is “HOTTEST SUMMER EVER! DEADLY PROPHECIES PREDICT RECORD SETTING HEAT!” Every year. Without fail.

Also, the advice column and ED ANGER! Good lord…what a piece of work.

My mother told me that she would actually be PROUD of me if I worked at WWN, because it would mean i was so creative.

jarbaby

15

I admit to having purchased a couple. I bought the “Space Aliens endorse Clinton” issue, with Clinton gleefully shaking hands with our ET friend.

Area 51 alien hit by a truck! Complete with photo.

NICOLE’S KILLER FOUND! OJ IS INNOCENT!!! Cops just days away from arrest! Issue from Dec 26, 2000 (I will admit, I purchased this because it had “The Real Meaning of Christmas” from Mr. Fuzzy Wuzzy)

I also bought the issue that announced the discovery of a lost WW2 bomber squadron on the moon…complete with photos.

The world should have ended countless times by their headlines as well…

I especially love the photos of the “Experts” or "Dr"s. These people look for the most part like they got some poor people from the local homeless shelter and took photos of them. The look of shock easily visible on the photo.

I buy it if it has an especially catching headline and I am waiting at the checkout.

16

I used to buy WWN often, just for laughs (pretty much the same reason I listen to Art Bell at work). I used to make a habit of saving “predictions for the year” type articles and seeing if any came true (hint: the number is somewhat less than 1). One thing I noticed is that they often use the same photos for completely unrelated articles. Some of the small filler articles are real, I’ve occasionally seen them also turn up it legitimate news sources.

17

Just in case there are other 60s relics who don’t already know this…

Check WWN’s masthead and you’ll find that one of their editors is Bob Lind, who wrote and recorded the fondly remembered if often lampooned “Elusive Butterfly,” a #5 hit in 1966.

“Canyons of your mind” indeed!

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What?!! They aren’t real? There’s no Bat Boy? What?!!

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What?!! They aren’t real? There’s no Bat Boy? What?!!

20

I must admit, too, a weakness for the WWN, though I haven’t read it in some time—no recent Bat Boy sightings, and the alien didn’t endorse anyone in the election past year!

Do they still run Ed Anger’s op-ed pieces, and those hilarious Dear Dottie columns?