Weenie Do's and Don'ts

[bughunter]

Since the front page to this place does say this is the forum for “frank discussion.” This is where I rebut the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council’s Hot Dog Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts.

Don’t put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always “dress the dog,” not the bun.

Bzzzt! Sorry. I don’t want mustard and chili all over my mustache. It goes between the bun and the dog. Nested right where the dog and bun meet is acceptable, but not preferred. If someone serves me a dog with mustard squirted all over the top of the dog, the dog gets a 180° spin inside the bun before it gets eaten.

Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.

Kee-ryst! How anal can you get? It’s a stinkin’ hot dog! What if I think the chili needs more garlic salt? What if I like my cheese melted under the chili?

Don’t use a cloth napkin to wipe your mouth when eating a hot dog. Paper is always preferable.

First it’s don’t and then it’s preferable? Which is it? They’re being anal again. About hot dogs. I guess it’s their job, but they need some perspective!

Do eat hot dogs on buns with your hands. Utensils should not touch hot dogs on buns.

Ok, I don’t know about you, but I like my chili dogs with so much chili, it’s impossible to eat with your hands. The chili dog first gets a slice lengthwise down the middle of the dog and bun, and then I hack off bite sized pieces of dog, and make sure it has its share of chili, bun, cheese, etc.

Don’t take more than five bites to finish a hot dog. For foot-long wiener, seven bites are acceptable.

Seven bites for a foot long? That’s almost two inches per bite! Now I like a good hot dog, and in fact, my stomach is rumbling and my mouth is watering for one. But even in this state, I don’t inhale my hot dogs like that… I still savor them… mmm… especially those kosher dinner franks they serve outside Costco… ::drool::

Oh, sorry. On with it, then.

Don’t use ketchup on your hot dog after the age of 18.

What? Now they’re condiment snobs, too? Now I don’t really like ketchup on anything but fries and burgers (too sweet) but my sister (now 32) loves it on hot dogs, and it’s her God given right to make that thing look like it’s been Bobbitted if she thinks it’s appetizing.

(Note to self: have chat with brother-in-law.)

Don’t send a thank you note following a hot dog barbecue. It would not be in keeping with the unpretentious nature of hot dogs.

Right. What if I was hot for the hostess? Besides, they say that, and then they subject us to their photo gallery.

[Smeghead]

Someone visits http://www.memepool.com methinks!

[Mudshark]

The way I read the that page, I think it is meant to be funny and not taken too seriously.

[sdarr2002]

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by bughunter *
**

Don’t put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always “dress the dog,” not the bun.

Bzzzt! Sorry. I don’t want mustard and chili all over my mustache.

since this is a frank discussion, what IS it you want an your 'stache, mr bughunter, sir? ;), nudge, nudge.
(sorry, i couldn’t help myself)

[CheapBastid]

*Originally posted by bughunter *
**

Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.

Kee-ryst! How anal can you get? It’s a stinkin’ hot dog! What if I think the chili needs more garlic salt? What if I like my cheese melted under the chili?
**

While I always did it the prescribed way, as a scofflaw and a contrarian I realized that it would make more sense to put the chopped onions and/or shredded cheese under the ‘wet toppings’ to keep them from falling off the dog while biting.

Tradition does not equal optimization.

[BunnyGirl]

The only proper topping for a hot dog is chili sauce with lots of meat and a TON of chopped fresh, white onion on the top. Maybe, MAYBE some grated cheddar cheese. Maybe.

Other than that, hot dogs are oogy.

[thinksnow]

Mmmmm…Skyline Cheese Coney…

<drool>

[lieu]

I’m going to have to change my answer after reading what this thread is really about because the first thing that came to mind for weenie don’ts was the “weenie slap”.

A perfectly heterosexual, happily married, mortgage banker friend of mine sometimes has a little too much Turkey and in public will drop his trousers, position his weenie between his middle and index finger with the palm flat against the groinular area and vigorously move the palm up and down so that said weenie slaps loudly against his leg and stomach. Those of us that know him are somewhere around the point of amused embarassment but women seeing him perform this feat at bars usually roar with delight.

Ummmm, eating a ballpark weenie in less than 3 bites. That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it.

[BunnyGirl]

*Originally posted by lieu *
**I’m going to have to change my answer after reading what this thread is really about because the first thing that came to mind for weenie don’ts was the “weenie slap”.

A perfectly heterosexual, happily married, mortgage banker friend of mine sometimes has a little too much Turkey and in public will drop his trousers, position his weenie between his middle and index finger with the palm flat against the groinular area and vigorously move the palm up and down so that said weenie slaps loudly against his leg and stomach. Those of us that know him are somewhere around the point of amused embarassment but women seeing him perform this feat at bars usually roar with delight.

Ummmm, eating a ballpark weenie in less than 3 bites. That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it. **

:eek:
Well…there’s a bar trick I haven’t seen.

[anenquiringmind]

You are referring to food??? Oh…

N e v e r m i n d