I was just wondering why it is necessary for the marriage to include a usually lousy sit-down dinner, at huge expense. After which everybody drinks too much.
Afetr this, the bridal gown (which costs major $$) is carefully cleaned, boxed up, and hidden away, never to be seen again. At least for the groom, the outfit is usually rented. Anyway, why all the fuss about the bridal garments-as 50% of the marriages end in divorce-why?? 
Man, the bridal “industry” hates people like you!
Your description of the American wdding celebration sounds like it’s heavily Irish and British influenced. We do the same thing, but with lots more booze involved. Having said that, a lot of weddings I’ve heard of in the US have been more like afternoon buffet affairs, that didn’t involve a lot of drink or food, and end early.
Anyway, the non-speculative answer to your question is: tradition.
Well, I’d say that part of the answer is in your last sentence. You are supposed to behave as if it were a once-in-a-lifetime event, and the more time / money / energy you invest in it, the more unique and special it feels. But also: it’s a rite of passage in the anthropological sense. Those are always fraught with meaning, they collect weird customs, and they generally involve copious amounts of food and drink. (It’s not supposed to be lousy, but quantity sometimes trumps quality.) As to why the bride’s dress and not the groom’s tux, I suspect it has a lot to do with our culture’s double standards for men and women with sex and relationships. Marriage is supposed to be a bigger deal for her than him. Finally, the idea of wearing the wedding dress once and never again is comparatively modern, fueled by a society that can afford such luxuries, the bridal industry, princess fantasies, one-upmanship, media images, etc.
Ever been to an Italian-American wedding? The dinner sure ain’t lousy and the bride and groom rake in truckfulls of cash.
Traditionally influenced weddings have two functions:
- Introduce a lady to society as she moves into a new stage in life. The new stage is to be grand so must be the dress, flowers, the decorations, the food. Everything must be perfect or else she will be embarrassed in her quest for great things and presentation to all of those close to her. This day represents everything she ever was and everything she ever will be.
2a subpart 134 - Fulfill some requirements for a legal contract.
No Italian dinner is lousy! And I second the truckfuls of cash…did we invent the Dollar Dance? It seems like it sometimes…
I always like when the ancient great-aunts and great-uncles get the DJ to play a tarantelle and cut a pretty energetic rug for 80-year-olds.
Complaining about the wedding banquet? That’s passe. Start talking to people about the wedding rehearsal dinner. No Proper Wedding can be considered Official without a Proper Wedding Rehearsal Dinner.
Then there’s going to be the bridal shower preview, and the bridal shower preview brunch, etc.
Wedding… rehearsal… dinner? :eek:
I’m not sure that one has hit these shores yet.
Like most wedding crap, what started out as something simple can be transmogrified by a BrideZilla into a massive formal affair for 250.
The rehearsal dinner follows (oddly enough) the wedding rehearsal. The night before the wedding, the bride and groom, the wedding party (meaning, their attendents) and the immediate family meet at the church for a quick run-through for the next day’s events, so everyone knows where they’re supposed to be.
Mom of the Groom sits here, Mom of the Bride sits there, Bridesmaids walk in, Bride comes in, vows, candles, kiss-kiss, walk out.
Then they’d all head off to a local restaurant for a nice meal and lots of toasting.
Then someone like Emily Post decided that out-of-town guests must be invited, along with making sure there were dates for everyone, and that extended family should be included, and that it needed to be a formal catered affair, with a six-course meal and an open bar. And everyone’s miffed if they’re not invited to this in addition to the wedding itself.
Just one of those things that starts out simple and grows out of control.
The custom that makes no sense to me is sticking some wedding cake in the freezer for an entire year, then eating it on your anniversary. That’s either going to leave a very bad taste in my mouth about the whole affair or introduce a nasty bit of toilet memories into the equation.
I’ve heard of Goth Girls buying old wedding dresses, dying them black, red, or both, & using them as club gear.
It makes slightly more sense with traditional wedding cake, which was a fruitcake or spice cake rather than sponge cake.
At least, not until the bride’s next wedding.
I would just like to point out that the 50% divorce rate is accurate for the U.S. only. Canada’s divorce rate is more like 30%.
As for the OP, I’d say most people follow the traditional formula because it never occurs to them to do anything differently.
Well, speaking from both sides of the fence, I’d have to say I much enjoyed my more nontraditional wedding, than the big traditional one I had first.
Why do people do it? I can’t answer that, but I can answer why* my* first wedding was a big traditional frou-ha-ha. I was young, stupid, and easily influenced by popular culture. I thought I had to have a $$$$ wedding dress with a cathedral train and a full length veil. According to all my bridal magazines (in the 80s), there was supposed to be numerous bridesmaids, attendants, cake servers, candle-lighters, and singers. There was supposed to be a gigantic cake, but a Groom’s cake, too, in chocolate. Rehearsal Dinners, Bridal Showers, etc, etc. The “bridal industry” was heavy with the propaganda on how a “fantastic wedding” should unfold. I fell for it.
That marriage ended. I sold the dress in a yard sale. I burned the other favors and such that had been saved.
Part of it was immersing myself in having a fantastic party to make up for the fact that I was making a huge mistake, but that’s another story.
I rather enjoyed my nephew’s rehersal dinner. All his uncles/ aunts (i.e. my siblings) flew from many miles away. Since he doesn’t see us that often, he invited us to to the rehersal dinner(we weren’t at the rehersal itself) The wedding dinner istelf was very formal and elegant (at the Ritz-Calton where he works). But there rehersal dinner was “more their style” informal, laid back, etc.
Brian
This time next week I will be married.
No rehearsals, no dinners, showers, bridesmaids, reception, not even cake!
I am admittedly not a “froo froo” girl. I have purchased a casual skirt and blouse for the ceremony, which will probably never be worn again since I am a levi’s and t-shirt sorta person. We have booked a small chapel and the only attendants will be my son and one of my Fiances’ son’s. No guests.
It is not a first marriage for either of us which might explain to some why it’s not a lavish affair. However, my first marriage was even less extravagent. We did the courthouse thing.
I am an american and I don’t get all the silly traditions myself. The end result of our simple little ceremony will be that same as those who spend thousands of dollars and oodles of time and headaches for lavish affairs.
I get a huge kick out of the horrified looks I get from the gals at work when they ask if I have this or that done yet. What about your flowers?? Have you ordered your cake?? what music are you using? On and on. Then I respond with: “We’ve paid for the chapel, I found a nice little skirt and blouse to wear, there’s nothing else to arrange”
They look at me as if I’m from another planet. It’s amusing 
Man, you guys disappoint me. I thought this thread was going to be about truly WEIRD wedding customs, not just the whole “industry-driven trend for things to get out of hand.”
For example, a friend of mine insists that, if a younger sibling gets married “out of turn”, the unmarried elder sibling(s) have to dance on a pig trough at the wedding reception until it breaks! He claims that everyone does this, and that there was a big fuss at his sister’s wedding because the reception hall had just redone the floor and they made them dance on the trough out in the parking lot. Needless to say, my younger brother, who will almost certainly be getting married before me, thinks this is the best tradition ever - so I’ll be doing my part to spread it next summer.
My housemate claims that it’s a wedding tradition to throw a shoe at the couple as they walk out of the church. While no doubt more exciting than the traditional rice or less traditional blowing bubbles, I have never, actually, seen anyone throw a shoe at a wedding.
One lovely tradition I’ve heard of is to make the wedding gown into a christening gown for the couple’s children. I know two other women who have made quilts out of their wedding gowns.
We did this on our first anniversary with no ill effects. Of course, our wedding cake was a carrot cake, which freezes quite well.
Because most people don’t go into marriage thinking, “Well, this may or may not work out.” People have visions of celebrating their 50th anniversary together, not bitterly fighting over child support and alimony. I suspect that many, many people wouldn’t get married if they didn’t assume that it was a lifetime commitment.