“Class, pay attention. Today we are going to construct out of clay a model of a vagina and a penis. Evilbeth’s son, would you stop fondling the penis?”
Note to self while the kids are giggling: Call jodih, my lawyer about upcoming trial dates. Go to Coldy’s and join book club.
"Class, your models are very realistic. Evildaughter, the penis peircing is very original. Taterspud, your ability to put in a urethra and have it ooze out yogurt is really well done. But please stop licking up the …uh…mess. "
::::Bell Rings:::: Class gets up to leave::::::
" Tomorrow make sure you bring in your permission slips, we are going to learn all about gun safety from our local NRA rep, Mr. Ike. Feild trip to the clock tower."
Well, since I have a noticeable lack of interest in my open “secretary” position for my political campaign, I have decided to swtich to my other skill and become the local high school jock who skips college and goes straight to the NBA. I continue to live in town, but in a large house over on the east side away from all of the riff-raff. I have immediate openings for a head of security, a financial manager, a group of 5 or 6 hangers on, and groupies. Lots of groupies.
I have a boatload of money and no common sense, so I look to spend my bucks on big gold chains, vintage cars I will never drive, and canary yellow suits to wear on the bench when I am on injured reserve.
I’ll be the lady dressed in purple who is always
lurking in the shadows and says things that seem
weird but actually make sense once you think
about them in context. And I know everything
about everybody, which everyone suspects I do
so they’re kind of afriad of me.
No Canadian money in here! We run a fully stocked bar, with all the amenities you could ever want, and all we ask for is that you pay and tip in real money!
BTW, thanks for hiring that cocktail waitress John and Coldy, she’s working out great!
Nuts, I missed opening night at Coldfire’s. Well, 's what you get when you start up a dry goods/pharmacy type business… will have to make a stop in tomorrow night.
I am SO PROUD of the little toewn I founded—five pages in only two days! Though I am beginning to suspect that everyone in town (except Neuro) knows all about my little “book club . . .” By the way, HomeSlice, I am impressed—it takes a lot to be the Village Idiot in a town called “Dopeville!”
OK, it’s the first day of summer and the town picnic is after work tonight in the park! The gazebo is all ready for the Dopeville Volunteer Fire Department Band (Ike has even put down his shotgun and picked up his tenor sax for the occasion).
Moms, barflies, spinsters, beatnik poets, layabouts, all ready?
“In the good old summer tiiiiime
In the good old summertiiiiime,
Strolling down the shady lane
With your baby mine—
You hold her hand and she holds yours
And that’s a very good sign
Thats she’s your tootsy-wootsy
In the good old summertiiiime!”
You should be proud. When I bought this little house up here on the hill, I knew I had a few charming neighbors down in the valley, but I had no idea that the population would explode like this. I’m so pleased that this little town has attracted such an influx of delightful, fun loving villagers from all over the world.
In the spirit of consistency, I will not be attending the picnic. I will, however, send down a few cases of fine gin and fresh limes that I’ve just had flown in.
Skips class today claiming he’s sick, but really he shambles into Coldy’s and orders a 7 and 7 for breakfast and sips it, hands shaking, biting his nails while he stares at the doorway, his back to a wall
I realize that Monster has to be the coolest new ‘resident’ (especially for a 17 year-old), but I think you’ve crossed the line BratMan. I may be slutty, but I’m certainly not into jailbait!
On my way to the body shop, I stop by Coldy’s for my Usual. It’s a strange drink, that glows slightly. I’m the only one who drinks it without hallucinations and DT’s after one drink. It doesn’t seem to affect me.
Well maybe if the slutty waitress who I was secretly smitten with had given me the time of day once in a while I wouldn’t have had to bottle my feelings in such a cold-hearted way. Can’t you see you’ve hurt me and this is my passive-aggressive way of getting back at you?
Besides, he said he was shrubber. Monster the shrubber. He quoted Python, the man deserves a feel here or there. Not outright groping of you, just a brush of his hand against one of your . . . regions . . . as he reaches for his drink, give the kid a break, huh? Besides, 17 is legal age of consent in a lot of states.
