You all know me well by now. You should know that I have over 50 years of electronic message board experience. I have posted to over 65,000 different message boards, in 96 different languages, all of which I am fluent in.
For those of you who don’t know me, I have the looks of Adonis, the brains of Cecil Adams, and more money than Bill Gates. I can walk on water when necessary.
This thread, along with hundreds of thousands of others that I have started, is the very most pointless rambling to ever cross the boards. Why, I don’t think that it could be bested in 500 years.
And now, I shall set this garganutan story to rest. 5000 words is enough for anyone.
Well, after cruising the 10 seas for more than 15 years I shall be welcomed by 1,000 naked willing woman upon my return to my beloved United States (When T. Jefferson and I wrote the Contitution, little did we know it would last for more than 400 years!).
Ah, like a field of wild flowers their eager young faces await me. And as I make love to the first ten within 16 second of debarking, the remainders’ lamentations rise to the sky like a million banshees as they each await their appointed turn.
(Your thread (and OP) should called Land of the Exaggeration vs. Hyperbole, both my baseball bat-sized dick and I believe.)
After the amount of time Chief has spent on that little barge, I kinda think he may have reached a sufficient delusional state to actually believe what he wrote.
Odds of Chief getting laid in Norfolk if:
he is greeted by 1,000 naked willing women - 1 to 1000
he is greeted by a commanding officer - 250 to 1
he is greeted by no one, but has an extra $50 he found in his foot locker - 20 to 1
he stops at the supermarket on his way home - 2 to 1. It’s tough to pass up a sailor fondling the produce.
he drives straight home to the newest copy of the JC Penney catalog sitting in his mailbox - Even money.
Oh, the imagery! Oh, the responses!
A) Careful, Chief, you’ll put your eye out with that thing.
B) Headline: Former Italian Toilet Stomper Finds Novel Way to Self-Inflict Black Eye
C) Wow! Playing with that really could make you go blind!