Next year, just for anyone who didn’t know. Don’t want anyone abruptly changing their weekend plans:D
So B and I went to a wedding yesterday. And as is tradition in some places, the garter was tossed to the single guys (Southern Translation: anyone male who isn’t married and/or dead and is eating solid food) by the groom, and the bouquet was tossed to the single girls (Southern Translation: see above, except for the girls).
Now, the last wedding I went to where this was done, the guy who catches puts the garter on the left leg of the girl who catches.
WITH HIS TEETH.
Now, with that in mind, let’s walk through this. I thought that, being engaged (and thusly almost wholly off-limits to any and all), I was not going to have to subject myself to that whole deal. But B pushed me in, so I did. Then we ran off to find other guys, since it was me and this other guy (and just between me, y ou and 33K people, I don’t think he was all that agile;)), and that would hardly have been fair. So we find a few other guys and I re-assume my position not ten feet behind the groom (henceforth known as Adam because it’s much easier to type).
Why was I not even ten feet behind? Well, if you have ever seen a garter, you know that it is not the heaviest thing in the world. In fact, it’s rather light. Very light. And not terribly aerodynamic, either. So it’s not going to go far unless you wrap it in lead weights.
So it’s me and about five other guys vying for the thing, and I’m pretty sure two of them didn’t care very much. Adam flings it like a rubber band to the group of us, and I see it sail a few feet in front of me. The Hand of God possesses my left hand and I snatch it out of the air.
Now it comes time for the single women (see prev. def’n) to gather to catch the bouquet. There are a few more of them, but B is able to secure a position at the front (again, a light bouquet and a rather poofy one, so it’s not going very far). I go up to Kirby (bride) and ask her to make my life easy (still remembering that wedding and the whole garter-teeth thing. Plus at least one of the women was wearing a dress, and I was NOT about doing that;)).
She tosses the bouquet and it couldn’t have been easier for B to catch had it been placed in her hands. I mean, it just went right to her. Sorta “Hey, look what I found!”
I breathe a sigh of relief. Now I don’t have to worry about offending or anything when I put the thing around her leg.
But wait. Evidently that’s not done down here. Insert Massive Sigh of Relief, because Kirby and B are not the same size, shall we say? B later tried, for shits and giggles, to see how far up her leg she could get it, and she got it just above her knee. Several inches lower than Kirby had it. And I’d have been doing that with my teeth. Not my idea of a good time in public;)
That near-awkwardness averted, the people who are running this portion of the marriage say now we have to be the next couple to get married. Now, what they do not know is that, DUH, we are gonna get married. I show the wedding videographer B’s ring and he’s utterly stunned.
As is everyone else who didn’t know. I mean, when’s the last time a couple caught the garter and bouquet? An engaged couple, no less.
And we all lived happily ever after, The End (well hey, it seems enough like a fairy tale:)).
Plan it wrong, and you and Bailie and possibly her parents are going to have to come up with a lot of money.