First off, I apologize for my lack of posts recently. Life sort of got in the way, but I don’t imagine I was missed too much anyway.
A few Dopers may remember me from the time I was debating on whether to hook up with one of my best friends in the whole world. There was some tension and worry because she played “the other woman” to my buddy years ago. My buddy got married but remained friends with everyone and that cheating relationship was scooted under the carpet and quickly forgotten about (for the most part).
Anyway, so me and this girl hook up and things are brilliant and wonderful for a few months, until I start feeling her drift away. I question her about it, try to open up communication, but things are weird. Same thing between me and my buddy. I got the feeling something was going on, but since I trust them both completely I try to ignore it and chalk it up to… whatever. Something else.
Jealousy/insecurity got the best of me, and when she checked her email at my house I took the opportunity to do some snooping around in her inbox only to find love notes from my (now ex-)buddy to her. I confronted both of them about it separately. Buddy lied and said nothing happened. Girlfriend told the truth that one night after a fight between me and her, she got insecure and mad and drunk. Buddy said the right words and they slept together.
I made one last angry call to Buddy, telling him I never wanted to speak to him again and he had a week to tell his (now pregnant) wife before I considered that my duty. He waited until the morning I made my call to tell her, but he did end up confessing. She and I have talked a handful of times since everything came to light, mostly me consoling her and talking through this fun recovery process. I feel awful for her.
Anyway, so all this happened about 4 months ago. Against my better judgement, I’m sticking with her. The reasons for this:
Buddy is a manipulative, jealous asshole. I’ve always kind of known this about him. He’s always competed with me, and I’m sure it drove him nuts to see me with one of his (secret) exes.
It was a boy from her past, not a new guy she picked up along the way.
She spent the 4 months between the cheating and me finding out about it trying her best to make things right between she and I. I truly believe this, based on what I noticed from her and what she’s told me about the months I was in the dark.
I’ve installed some logging software on her computer to track what she’s up to, and she’s been nothing but loyal and great since everything happened. I’ve checked her phone records and text messages too. I guess I’m being a little too thorough with my checking up, but I don’t plan to do it forever… just to put my mind at ease.
If I lose her as a girlfriend, I lose her completely. No way could we remain friends, and I’m short on friends now all of the sudden.
Please, don’t try to encourage me to leave. My mind is set. But I do want to hear stories about how things did or didn’t work for cheated on people in this here forum. Since everything got revealed out in the open, our relationship has never been better. I guess that’s a silver lining for me, but I know this is rare.
Cheaters and cheatees… chime in with your stories. Help me feel better or worse about this.