bella have you considered putting the baby up for adoption? I don’t know how old your son is, and from your OP it sounds like the father situation is a bit sticky. You don’t want to have an abortion, and you don’t have the finances to support another baby. Would adoption work for you?
Well, ivylass–while I have the utmost respect for women who can carry a child for nine months and then give it up to a better life, I don’t know that I could do that. Being pregnant and giving birth is hard hard work, and if this ends up being anything like my first pregnancy it’ll be miserable. I think I’m too selfish to go through all that and then not keep the fruits of my labor, as it were. I’d hate to promise a child to someone only to back out at the end and break their hearts.
Further complicating the situation is that the father is actually my husband. We’ve been separated for over a year and a half and were just starting to maybe think about possibly trying again, maybe. He’s thrilled with the situation, in part because it’s pushing us closer together on a much more rapid pace than I would have been comfortable with otherwise. But that means that even if I wanted to adopt the baby out, he wouldn’t, and I’d end up giving the baby to him which would in all likelihood circle back around to me anyway. Does that make sense? Sheesh… when did my life become a Jerry Springer episode?
bella
Hmm, that sort of complicates things and simplifies them at the same time, eh? Sounds like your mind is pretty well made up though, isn’t it? I hope things work out with you and the hubby.
Well, I don’t quite know WHAT to say, given your ambiguous feelings and situation, but from my point of view congratulations are in order, so…
CONGRATULATIONS!
BTW, I was an OOOPS baby too…mom never admitted it, of course, but when I was a teenager I figured it out all on my own and asked her about it. She said, and continued to say, “You weren’t a MISTAKE, you were our unexpected blessing.” Which is just another way of saying OOPS in my opinion. But toward the end of her life when I was her main caretaker, Mom looked at me one day and said…“Cheri, God sent you to us. It’s true we didn’t actually PLAN you, but…I look back on your life and I truly don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t been given to us. You have always been our blessing. Right now I have come to realize that you are the best blessing God ever gave me.”
I’m not trying to bring you down here, I just want you to know that sometimes things are just meant to be. It may not be apparent now, or even in the near future…but maybe someday you will realize that this was a blessing, too. I sure hope so.
I am sure you will make the best decision you can, and I am sending you prayers and best wishes and ::huggles::
Much Love,
Cheri
Scotticher–that’s a beautiful story! See, it’s things like that that have me feeling so uncertain. I’ve opened up the yellow pages to the clinics section three times now, and I even got halfway through dialing the number once but–in this niggling little back-of-my-mind voice–I keep thinking “But…what if it’s meant to be? What if it’s my sign from god or goddess or whoever that me and my husband are meant to be? What if it’s a gift I won’t ever have another shot at?” and so on.
I think Ferrous is right. I’ve pretty much 99% made my decision in my heart, I’m just trying to reconcile it with all the doubts that are still rattling around in my mind.
Much love and appreciation to everyone who’s responded to me here. You guys are really helping me work through this more than you can know. Thank you, sincerely.
bella
Bella darling…thank you for understanding what I was trying to say. I was a bit concerned that you might feel I was being presumptuous.
I truly hope that all of this works out to be the best thing that ever happened to you…I hope you and your husband work through your problems and find joy together, and that this baby graces your life with love and joy and happiness beyond your dreams. And please believe me when I say that I will be here for you in whatever way I can, no matter WHAT you decide. My email address is Scotticher@aol.com and my shoulder is available should you wish to use it.
I have also been told that I am a REALLY great aunt, and I’d be honored if you’d allow me to be an honorary one to your baby. Because I also think that you have made your decision, honey…and I think that this baby is a gift. Sometimes gifts aren’t convenient, nor are they always what we THINK we need. Sometimes it takes time to realize their worth, you know? [sub] Of course, sometimes you end up putting them into the “White Elephant” exchange, but somehow I don’t think this is one you are going to want to part with.[/sub]
congratulations!
sometimes it is hard to see the joy and delight of having a baby, when all around you are nausea and doubts.
i hope all goes easily and smoothly.
remember to breathe deeply (before the “i’m overwhelmed” scream).
bella, you were separated from your husband, just thinking about getting back with him, and you slept with him?
I don’t want to know the dynamics of that. I’m sure it’s a complicated situation that you don’t need to delve into here. I’ll just I’ll agree with Scotti. Take it as a sign that it was meant to be. Get you and Mr. Bella into counseling, and give your son a little brother and sister.
Both my kids were oops babies, in that I got pregnant while on birth control both times. Congratulations!
ivylass, she did mention the boards were down. it was an act of god… like the electricity going out!
Well, jeez, all I did was catch up on my knitting. 
I caught up with my reading and crafts. “sigh”
However, I wasn’t really saying that this was necessarily a sign that Bella should get back together with her husband…having no knowledge of the situation or the conflicts involved, I wouldn’t be in a position to have an opinon. I just hope for all their sakes that it works out that way.
Either way, I think that Bella’s heart has already made her choice, and…all right, I never got to have children, and I think a child is a gift. I’ll shut up now.
I just knew there would be a way to blame Cecil for this…
I think you’re on to something dantheman!
you think he’ll pony up for the kiddo’s college education?
Seriously though, you guys are cracking me up. I haven’t laughed this much in days.
Well sheesh, dear…in the interests of continuing to crack you up…
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
Whatsit Jr. couldn’t have been more unplanned if he were… something really, really unplanned. (Yes, I need to go to Metaphor School. Shut up.) We were living in a tiny one-bedroom place, my husband had just lost his job, and we were in no way emotionally, financially, or otherwise prepared for a child.
But he’s still the best thing that ever happened to us and I wouldn’t change a thing. Nobody is ever totally prepared for a child, and you never have enough money or resources, or so it seems. (Unless maybe you’re a millionaire, but I bet they have doubts, too.)
I congratulate you, as it seems that congratulations are indeed in order!
I don’t know Auntie Scotticher, why do ducks have webbed feet? 
And thanks, MsWhatsit–how old is your son now?
So they can stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
He’s almost nine months old and cute as a bug. Also, since you have asked even the most perfunctory of questions, I shall take the opportunity to provide you with his web page, on which you can find many adorable pictures. (I need little to no excuse to show people cute pictures of my kid, y’know.)
So they can stamp out ducks on fire!
(I’m sorry, I realize that I have a weird sense of humor, but that one just cracks ME up! Hope it does you, too…It was the funniest joke in Belgium…go figure?)