I’m not in danger of going to jail. The latest threat call that I got was that the warranty on my mother’s truck had expired and needed to be renewed immediately by calling the number. Jokes on them. She died in 2012.
It’s interesting that dire notices from federal tax authorities always sound like they’ve been written by an illiterate villager in Punjab. You’d think the feds could afford a better class of civil servant. But the good news for you and the OP that I can relate from personal experience is that in these situations the federal tax authorities are willing to accept payment in the form of Amazon and iTunes gift cards. You can give them the card info right over the phone and the matter will be resolved on the spot! If you want to make extra sure you won’t go to jail, you can give them your credit card number, too.
Quote from the webpage: “One linguist went so far as to say that anyone who didn’t know what welp meant was probably an alien.” 
I used to be an alian. We each had a folded card, probably about 2" by 4", that had the words “Registered alian” on it. That was about 30 years ago, and I don’t remember any more details.
I’ll pull some strings and get you a job in the Library.
Local jails do have libraries, right?
If you order quickly you can probably still get a case of soap-on-a-rope from Amazon with next day delivery. Avoid that whole dropping the soap scenario.
Unless dropping the soap is your thing, in which case, never mind.
You may have to settle for the harmonica, which is compulsory in prison.
Duluth Trading has a really nice soap on a rope. The case makes a good scrubber for those hard to clean areas.
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They’re after my father for the very same crime.
That really was Steven Hawking. He’s fallen on hard times and needs to pay the rent, yaknow?
Here is a what an actual Punjab Tax notice looks like, for the record.
It appears that Sumaira Umbreen is a good deal more literate than the Punjabis who write tax notices to Americans, at least, tax notices regarding situations where Amazon gift cards are acceptable forms of payment but checks are not. Although I must say that I’m shocked that there are tax cheats in the Punjab, known for its upstanding businesses like the telemarketers who call me while I’m trying to have dinner, offering duck cleaning services. They regard with cheerful disdain the facts that (a) I am on the do-not-call list and do not wish to hear from Punjabi telemarketers, and (b) I have no dirty ducks. In fact, no ducks at all.
You sure they said ‘duck’, that is so random.
Why a duck? Why-a no chicken?
Lucky you. I’ve have iron on tee-shirts before, but never “pressed on allegations.”
Not including the word ‘welp’ in the dictionary is sheer snobbery, ain’t it?
Let me know where you’re incarcerated. I’ll be happy to send you a poster of Raquel Welch.
Why not Zoidberg?
I’m trying to dredge up and old “joke” my grandpa used to say about a viaduct (pronounced why-a-duck), but can’t dredge it up this early in the morning.
The “welp” of a beaten cur.*
*obscure Black Sox reference.