I’ve had multiple Jehovah’s Witness visits recently, which I thought was weird. Now I know why:
They’re coming for us en masse.
I’m frightened. There is no crazy-repellent in my earthquake kit. Stop ringing my friggin’ doorbell over an over because you can tell I’m home. I finally put on my brace or grab the crutches and slowly, painfully, hobble to the door only to have you hand me more bible paperwork. Jesus doesn’t like it when you torture crippled people!