So, the other day my sister and I go to the local health food store. We park next to a car that is carefully taking up two spaces. The car is centered right in the middle. It’s a nice car, too. Big. Expensive. Very well-kept.
As we get out of the car, the owners of the car hogging two spaces (these fellows will be called “Parking Hogs”) come up to put their stuff in their car. It’s a father and son—dad’s about 60, son’s about 35-40.
My sister asks them, “What’s the deal with taking two parking spaces?” She’s not rude about it, just curious. Maybe they had trouble parking or something.
The Parking Hog Dad answers emphatically, “It’s to prevent it from getting scratched! Last month I had to pay $600 to fix a scratch that someone put in my car!”
Parking Hog Son repeats how they must take two spaces from now on, to protect the car from scratches. I say, (with confusion more than annoyance), “No, what you do is park waaaaay over there in the back corner. That way no one will park next to you and you won’t get scratched.”
Parking Hog Dad starts to get annoyed, and this manifests itself in him raising his voice, getting a slightly agitated, screechy tone, and asking, “You’re sisters, right?”
We say, “Yes.”
He says, “Let me tell you something interesting! George Bush was the one that blew up the Twin Towers! And Bill Clinton bombed the building in Oklahoma City! Hello America!”
To this we both laugh. I say, “Yeah! And our mom is from Mars!”
This exchange goes on for a little while. Parking Hog Dad starts to say these strange things, asking about if our dad is a Martian, and repeating that George Bush and Clinton are responsible for 9/11 and Oklahoma City. Parking Hog Son just sort of eggs him on.
Parking Hog Dad now says, “The worst thing that happened to this country is that women were allowed to vote!” My sister says, “Yeah, it’s a real bummer! I hate having to go out in the cold on election day to vote!” (Sister is really good at completely not letting them get to her.)
To all of this we keep on laughing. We aren’t mad, we think these guys are a hoot. The guys, on the other hand, are obviously annoyed because we aren’t upset or shocked by the outrageous statements they are making. So they get in their car and start to drive away. Sister and I still keep on lauging. We are doubled up, laughing.
Parking Hog Son has one last comment, though. As the pass us (still doubled up lauging) in their car, PH Son says, “One more suggestions, ladies! Try an orgasm sometime!”
To which my sister quickly replies, “Oh don’t worry about us, we’ve got the Orgasmatron!” (My sister listens to Rush Limbaugh, which has been discussing a device which will give women orgasms anywhere.) We keep on laughing.
What a bunch of maroons. I can only say that I’m glad my sister has a quick come-back. All I could do is keep laughing.
This isn’t much of a rant, except that the concept of “hogging” two spaces to protect your precious car does grate on my nerves. Also, I guess the moral of this story is to keep laughing when obnoxious nuts like this say outrageous things. It really pisses them off.
