And it’s no big deal. Well, ok, it’s slightly complicated.
We’re a gay couple, and we will have been together almost 23 years when we tie the knot at the end of this month. So this doesn’t change anything for us emotionally - we have been committed to each other through thick and thin (thicker in my case at least) for all that time. I’ve actually been wearing a ring on my wedding finger for 20 or so of those years, just as an “up yours” to the government. Now it would be a hollow gesture, so I have taken it off until the event.
Of course, it’s a big deal that we can do it and have it recognized by Uncle Sam and his minions, not to mention my own state (California).
But in truth we’re only really going through with it because my financial advisor convinced us that it will make things a lot easier for both of us in our twilight years (ain’t that a great phrase?) and for whichever of us is eventually the surviving widow(er).
Not very romantic, no. It will be just a justice of the peace kind of affair, and they’ll have to provide the witnesses. No bouquet, no dressing up, no reception. Just our tidy little knowledge that the world has progressed to this point.
Curious, why didnt you have a commitment ceremony years ago? Gay couples have been having them since the 70’s. Plus havent you already been able to put each other into your wills and power of attorney and such?
Ah c’mon, even if it’s not a fancy ceremony you need some kind of party. Get some friends together, a cake, maybe dinner in a nice restaurant, something!
Too bad you are on the West Coast, I could make a wedding cake. Hey, baking is my job!
I was in total support of ya until you got to the part about no reception. Open bar and reception is what the dope requires for these matters. Please reconsider.
No, I’m saying that I’m fat, sad to say. I guess I expressed it backwards.
Not sure what you’re saying here. Have you been following my posts enough to know that my SO is Japanese? If so, rest your worry bone, he’s had a green card for over 40 years*.
Also, it’s not a marriage of convenience at all, as that term is generally used. The relationship is real, the married status just legally recognizes the relationship, which is what makes things easier when life changes happen.
Commitment ceremony - no thanks, it’s like using the “colored people” water fountain and sitting at the back of the bus** - separate and not equal. As for the other legal workarounds, most of them have been in place for a while. But you know, it’s just easier to handle those issues when you’re married.
*Funny story, the last time we came back from Japan together, he got pulled into a little interview room at immigration for about 20 minutes. I was frantic, I had no idea why he hadn’t come out of the immigration area (and with no official relationship I had no standing to ask anyone about it). Turns out the agent thought it was odd that he had had a green card for so long but had never become a citizen. Believe it or not, immigration idiot, the rest of his family is in Japan, and he can’t go back there to live if he ever needs to without his citizenship.
**For the record, I am only using these examples as a metaphor, to someone who has probably never experienced any kind of second-class citizen status. I am not intending to liken my experience to that of being black in America in any serious or substantive way.
My sympathies on the green card hassles. That is a real PITA. Although post nuptuals, your love muffin will now be eligible for a re-entry visa (I think - check with someone qualified), which guarantees re-entry to the US.
Nobody should have to wait 23 years. My partner and I have been together even longer, and we’re waiting until it’s legal in Ohio. We may be close, but maybe not.
We’re not gay, but that sounds really close to our elopement - presiding official was a notary (this was in FL) and our witnesses were a couple of her employees. We went to McD’s after for lunch before going back to work. Fancy-pants dream weddings are OK, but short, sweet and to the point has worked for us as it will for you. Congrats, and best wishes for many more years together!
I’ve had my husband (I’m female) for about 25 years although we never bothered to marry even through years of kids and dogs and houses. We aren’t religious, so didn’t care about that and our state (Texas) recognizes common law marriage, so we’re good there. But I’m glad you get to cement your relationship legally. It does make a difference, especially for folks in your situation.
My two friends (a female couple) ‘married’ as best they could here. Saw a lawyer, tangled up all their business, and then had a baby. They are trying for baby #2 now. I’m real proud of them and hope they can one day have the legal protections that I get to enjoy with very little effort.
At least buy a couple of flowers and toss a bouquet afterwards. Even if it’s to a surprised stranger.
Heck. Better yet, bring the flowers back to your internet connection and toss them at us. Post the “Throw” in this thread and the first one of us to respond gets the bouquet.
I’m holding a good thought for you that the Supremes will make it all clear (and in a good way) this year. Then you (and Ca3799’s friends) can finally tie your own knots.
My mother told me when I was a wee Shodan that you say “congratulations” to the groom, and “best wishes” to the bride. So finally someone has come up with an etiquette situation for which my mother did not prepare me.
So I won’t say either. I will just say (to both of you)
