I can’t hear the word “million” used in any context without sticking up my pinky and saying “One MIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLION Dollars.”
The immediate and indeed only proper response to “He/she/it’s alive” is “and in perfect hibernation.”
Is that from Babe? I never saw that, so “that’ll do, donkey. That’ll do” is what I use.
Shut it!
Also, whenever someone asks me a question about something going on at work and I have no idea, I usually respond with “Nobody tells me nothin’.”
Not verbatim, but “You’re funny!” makes me say, “funny how, whaddaya mean I’m funny?” or “what the fuck is so funny about me?”
Any offer of a drink declined, must always be followed by (in a Bavarian accent) “Ovaltine!” Followed by a thundering “Nothing! Thank you!”
“You’re killing me, Smalls” from the Sandlot, when I’m losing patience.
“Come to me, Butthead” cause my husband thinks that’s sexy. Sort of.
I so wanted James Cromwell to deliver this line right before he shot Kevin Spacey in L.A. Confidential.
I was going to post both of these!
Whenever some asks me “A <blank>!? What is it?”, I give them the mandatory brief description ending it “… but that’s not important right now!”
Me too! …same blank stares, kids! 
When dealing with some people I hear the line “a distant ship smoke on the horizon, you are only coming through in waves, you’re lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying” from Confortably Numb by Pink Floyd playing in my head. Once in a while I’ll realize I’m singing it aloud.
Same here!
Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? I lied.
I also can’t resist responding, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out!” whenever someone says my full name.
Interestingly, Cromwell originally played Farmer Hoggett with the same Irish brogue he used in*** L.A. Confidential.***
It was only after filming had completed when George Miller realized Babe had the potential to be a huge hit in America, that he had Cromwell re0dub his voice in a blander, “less foreign” accent.
Anytime a remark is made about the moon (that it’s a crescent, or it’s just on the horizon, or whatever), I’ll say, “That’s no moon. It’s a space station.”
When I’m upset about something my husband will say “Talk to me, Goose.” (Top Gun)
Every time I hear the word “bisexual” I quote The Church Lady (Dana Carvey) from SNL: “Biiiii-sexual. That’s when you reach down the front of somebody’s pants and you’re happy with whatever you find there.”
Whenever I hear someone spouting off with hair-brained ideas of what they would do if they ran XYZ Corporation, I like to say: “Why make trillions when we can make…BILLIONS?”
When some uses the word “forever” i have to reply: “forrreeevvvvverr”. from sand lot.
Any time someone says “zero”, i have to reply “Zero point zero” (as in mr. blutarsky’s grade point average)
If somone mentions Home Depot i have to say “and maybe Bed Bath & Beyond but i don’t know if we’ll have time” (Old School).
When someone leaves a room, 9 times out of 10 I’ll say “Good luck… we’re all counting on you.” Not exactly a reply but…
Anytime someone says something about how quiet it is, of course I have to respond:
“Yeah…TOO quiet.”
Lord knows what movie that’s originally from. Probably an early Western.
Wait… “I do not think that word means what you think it means” is a movie quote?
I had no idea…
“Almost there” is always followed by “Stay on target”
If I am waiting for someone, I’ll say ’ Come on my clothes are goin’ out of style. ’ Along with’** For **evvver’ both from the Sandlot. I’ll have to remember ‘you’re killin’ me Smalls’ now:)
Also: Nipit nip it in the bud
You know how you fight fire? With fire that’s what.
Barney Fife (Andy Griffith)
From a record, Firesign Theatre: if anything or anyone topples, I have to say “Why he’s no fun, he fell right over.”