Hey, you can’t have funeral without fun!
The difference between a funeral and a memorial service is whether the body is present. In practice, most of the atheist gatherings in the event of a death that I have attended have been memorial services, not funerals. But it’s not like there’s an atheist rule against having a funeral, and the actual service is pretty similar, except that when there’s a body there’s usually also a burial following.
As for how much mourning there is as compared to celebrating, that varies even at religious events. Jewish funerals tend to be a lot more mournful than Christian funerals. We (Jews) bury the body quickly, before people have had a chance to fully process the death, and so we are still pretty glum at the funerals of our loved ones. We also don’t generally expect to be reunited in heaven with them, which probably makes a difference, too.
Memorial services that happen a little further out tend to be more “life celebrations”, and less “public support for mourners” although of course at any death-service the participants remember the dead and tell stories about their missing loved one.
fwiw, I’ve been to several Jewish funerals, some Jewish memorial services, a few completely atheist memorial services, and several Christian memorial services. Also several Unitarian memorial services, which, in practice, is the group that runs most of the services for atheists where I live. We don’t have a lot of Humanist Celebrants, and we do have a lot of Unitarian clergy who are experienced in running memorial services, and can dial up or down the religious aspect according to the wishes of the family.
I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever been to an actual Christian funeral, complete with the body. I’ve been to wakes (creepy!) but I think the funeral itself is often private to close family.
Not that I am aware of. I was puzzled by that, too.
I agree with Peremensoe - “service” is a little religious for me, but there’s nothing wrong with “funeral.”
On a moment’s thought, I suppose around here there’s the general social assumption that a “funeral” IS a religious service, absent it being specifically called something else (simply because EVERYTHING around here is assumed to be religious unless it’s specifically called-out as not), but as the rite in question is for the purposes of reassuring the bereaved, I would also hope that the people attending would presumably know the deceased well enough to know whether the rite would be religious or not regardless of what it was called.
It does raise the interesting question of how many atheists have had religious funerals simply because the majority of their family and friends/community have been religious when they died. If my mother is still alive when I kick it, I’ll probably have a church service funeral. It’s not what I want, but since so many of my birth family DO care a great deal (and are believers) then doesn’t it make sense to have the service that would most comfort them? I’m not gonna be there to give a shit. (Thank god too, Lutheran funerals are literally THE WORST.)
I don’t know anything about the topic, but I was just trying to remember the poem last night. Today, I get online, and I see this.
Thank you! What a coincidence!
Is this a second-language problem? Of course there are atheist funerals (I’ve been to several) - they weren’t burials, as they were cremations, and they weren’t wakes, as no-one was pissed on poitín. They were funerals.
What? Is this some weird semantics thing?
Even so it sound like the argument against Gay Marriage cannot be as somehow marriage is only religious.
If you want to be philosophical, the advantage of atheism is that we know all suffering ends. No matter how bad things may be, you only have to endure them for a finite length of time.
Christians, on the other hand, are burdened with the belief that they face the possibility - even the likelihood - of an eternity of suffering after they die.
My dad died totally unexpectedly when he was 55.
The last thing in the world he would have wanted was a religious funeral, but my sister was so overcome with grief that she planned and arranged one. I was a little nonplussed, but I bit my tongue.
I figured I was expected to attend, but my mom told me not to. She said that if I were there, my dad would sit up in shock, and nobody wanted to see that happen.
Then there’s the distinction between religious funerals and funerals officiated by clergy. As I said, I’ve been to a lot of barely religious memorial services run by Unitarians, basically, because they are set up to do that. I also have a friend whose father was buried by an uber-religious cleric because his brother was a dick and arranged it, despite no one else in the family (including the father) being religious.
Hmm, I think the burial is you know, when you actually bury the body. Most of the services I’ve been to have been indoors, and the burial followed. And I’ve never known anyone to attend the actual cremation. I’ve been to funerals (with a body in a bo) and to memorial services (without a body in a box, but otherwise pretty indistinguishable, often in cases where the body had been cremated.)
Anyhow, that’s how I use the words.
The reason they’re called memorial services is that the body is usually long gone. I have been to a number of them and, with one exception, they took place several months later. The exception was my brother. He was certainly an atheist, but a rabbi had visited him in the hospital and they had liked each other. So when he died, he was cremated the next day and the following weekend my SIL had arranged a memorial service and asked that rabbi to conduct it. So he said a few words about what he knew about bro (not much of course) and then asked people who knew to say a few words each. Maybe ten people did (including me). Then we went back to the house for refreshments. It was a moving experience. His wife is a devout Catholic, BTW.
A friend of mine chose to be cremated . . . even though he was lactose-intolerant.
:dubious:
Well, yeah, usually. But It’s possible for atheists to believe in an afterlife if that afterlife is not related to any deities, Of course that is not rational so I consider myself an Agnostic. I do consider that possibility (because the universe is so vast and with many unknown areas and energies) as a more likely one than believing that we have a peculiar human god controlling all of the universe.
There’s FAR less lying to cover what isn’t known and a stress on the importance of living the best, most enjoyable and positive life you can today for the sake of today’s happiness.
I really like this poem.
No, not at all. Atheists/nonbelievers are much more likely to practice green body disposal and recycling.
For instance, there’s the exciting new alkaline hydrolysis technology, yielding remains that can be used to nurture the deceased’s favorite houseplants. Or freeze-drying and shattering, which also has a relatively small environmental footprint compared to traditional methods.
Better yet, turn your loved one into cash that can be used to fund favorite causes, plus enough left over to take a cruise during which you can fondly remember the dearly departed.
*"According to a slideshow on CNBC, body parts have the following value when acquired legitimately; and most of this is just in relation to research or as practice for surgeons looking to hone their skills on the dead rather than the living:
Spine: $900 (research/testing)
Hand and Forearm: $385 (surgery practice)
Shoulder: $500 (surgery practice)
Heart: $500 (surgery practice)
Corneas: $6,000/pair (transplant)
Kidneys: $300-500 (surgery practice)
Head: $6,000 (surgery practice)
Brain: $600 (surgery practice)
Knees: $650 each (surgery practice)
Tendons: $1,000 each (transplant)
I read elsewhere a corpse can be worth anything up to $300,000 when divvied up – again, legitimately. "*
I think that 300K estimate is a bit high (especially for older corpses), but certainly worth a bit of research (discreetly, of course).
My personal take is that it is grotesque to have the body present at the service, whether or not sealed in a box. Hopefully atheists avoid such gruesome superstition.
Even many religious people hold this view.
Thanks for the alternative body disposal methods. My mom is getting up there and she is thinking about writing up a ‘what to do after I die’ document. She is totally repulsed by the idea of being embalmed, put on display, and then buried.
I’m waiting for someone to say, "We had the memorial service at XXXXX, with the provision that everyone attending leave the trunk lid to their car wide open as they go inside.
During the speeches, the coroner’s van pulls up, dumps the body in the trunk of the car parked in the predesignated parking space, and an assistant closes all the rest of the trunk lids.
At the end of the speeches, the consierge of XXXXX comes up to the microphone and says, “To whoever is parked in space 17, You’ve Just Won Today’s Door Prize…!” :eek: 
“That’s the problem with today’s funerals. You just can’t take home the Centerpiece…”
Commenting on the presence of a body, I’ve given specific instructions that at my death my body be sealed in the coffin and not opened. There could be a visitation but no viewing of the body, either at a funeral home or before the funeral at the church.
I’d prefer that if anyone cares to remember me it won’t be as they are leaning over my corpse and saying “doesn’t she look natural?”
Oh, and if there are any parts of me that can be used, take 'em before putting me in the box. I like a bumper sticker I saw “Don’t take your organs to Heaven, Heaven knows we need them here!”
Lots of beer involved. And sport to determine who gets the car.
Quoted for truth. The services aren’t for the dead. They are for the living to move on.
Been to a couple of those and I agree. I vowed to my wife next time that happens, I’m walking out.