OK, LOL damnit because I AM! 
Obviously, the next time I come to the UK, I’ll have to stay with you, 'cause I couldn’t find them ANYWHERE! It became sort of a running joke that English muffins weren’t English.
Durn it. That’s it. Y’all have English Muffins AND clotted cream. The fact that I thought the two were forever separated by an ocean is the only reason I’ve stayed here this long.
What is clotted cream?
Clotted cream is a different thread. And it’s yummy.
I just thought I’d add that bread product nomenclature tends to be regional and can lead to confusion and debate.
Crumpets may be known as pikelets, a bread roll may have various names according to shape and texture and where in the country you happen to be.
However, in my experience a muffin is a muffin, wherever I’ve been. And is commonly available is pretty much any supermarket or bakery.
Where were you looking? It may seem a little odd from US perspective, but the British food market still has quite strong regional variations, particularly in the area of baked goods – an everyday bread product in one region will be entirely unknown (or at least hard to find) in other parts of the country.
Muffins in particular seem to be a bit of an odd case: they were very popular with the Victorians, but seem not ever to have been home-made, but rather bought from the muffin men who sold them in the street and door-to-door (Mrs Beeton gives a recipe for them in her 1861 Book of Household Management, but then immediately says “Muffins are not easily made, and are more generally purchased than manufactured at home.” which seems oddly self-defeating). As far as I can tell, they lost a lot of ground with the general disappearance of street-traders around the time of the First World War, and then suffered a second blow, and all but vanished, due to the shortages of WWII.
They were revived in the 70s by the larger national and regional manufacturers, looking for speciality products to add to their range, in order to increase their market.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying that the best place to look for them is the pre-packaged baked goods section of a national-chain supermarket.
And just to confuse matters, we call them Pikelets in my home town of Coventry.
Yeah. Nobody outside of the North West seems to understand what a barm cake is.
Bread rolls are called batches in Coventry.
That’s funny - in Ireland at Hallowe’en they traditionally serve “barm brack”, which is a fruit cake.
That would be my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmuffin, Sir Thomas Culpeper the Recognitor (c. 1170) HTTP Error - Requested Page Not Found
And there’s the problem. I actively avoided such stores, under the philosophy that if I was enjoying small town life, I’d shop locally at small town stores. I can go to mega-marts at home.
Ignorance fought!
(Does this mean I can’t go shopping with jjimm? Oh well, probably for the best.)
But small town stores get old Wonder Bread.
A ‘pikelet’ in these parts is very similar to a crumpet, however its about half as high as a crumpet, which means it toasts rather faster, but doens’t hold as much butter.
Of course, despite what thehealth fascist may say, it is quite impossible to eat crumpets or pikelets with margerine, its butter or not at all, unless you have clotted cream with lashings of strawberry jam.
I always go to grocery stores when I’m travelling. They have different stuff! In Switzerland, we found mayonnaise and ketchup in tubes 
. To me, it’s one of the treats of travel to see what kinds of foods other folks eat and how it’s packaged and presented for the regular consumer.
Really? Or are you just punning on your handle?
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster]
I always go to grocery stores when I’m travelling. They have different stuff! In Switzerland, we found mayonnaise and ketchup in tubes
I took quite a liking to the Thomy brand of mustard-in-toothpaste-tube, the “scharfer senf” is to die for. Ditto for the sweet fancy mustards. The mayo 'n ketchup with stripes left me underwhelmed though it was very good product.
Punning on my handle. My ancestor is real, but has nothing to do with muffins other than passing is DNA down to me.
I assure you I’m a perfectly charming shopping companion.
This seems to be the position that Marks and Spencer have adopted, too. Their pikelets are very thin but wide, whereas their crumpets are thicker and smaller in diameter.
It’s impossible to enjoy anything with margarine.