What are your biggest restaurant complaints?

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ll start you off with four. Three of them happened to me tonight.

  1. Dear hostess – A patron comes in alone, and says he is a party of one. He is carrying a book. There are plenty of tables available. Absolutely make sure you give him the only one that has absolutely no lighting.

  2. Dear waitress – When you ask the patron if he’d like something to drink, and he specifically says water, and a glass of wine, make sure you bring only the wine. He probably only asked for the water out of sheer habit.

  3. Dear bringer of foods (usually the waitress, but not always) – Absolutely fail to understand the concept of appetizers. The patron probably wanted his soup at the same time as the entree. And probably enjoyed waiting 20 minutes for both. And this way, you can ensure that one or the other is cold. Win/win!

  4. Dear waitress – The credit card runoff is truly an art form. And you have mastered it. When you bring the check, and the patron is practically shoving his credit card in your face, drop the check on the table and go take some else’s order. That way, you ensure a great tip. From the other table. Maybe.

2

That’s a total IOD…you should have bailed right there.

You need to make your order more interesting. A glass of water, wine, lemon, a lime, and cream. See if the waitress forgets something then…

I find it helps if you engage the bringer of foods with something before you ask them to actually bring you food. Same reason as below, really.

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You need to be less obvious in telegraphing your interest in paying. You’ll make her think the only thing you’re interested in is paying, otherwise.

3

Having foods that do not match the descriptions on the menu. I am severely lactose intolerant, but I do not like to make a big stink about asking about all ingredients. So, when I see four salads on a menu, and three list cheese as an ingredient, I will typically order the fourth. When it comes with the unmentioned cheese sprinkled over the top, I have to either send it back or not eat it. Either makes me unhappy - why can’t they just list the darn ingredients?

4

The waiter who hovers right beside the table waiting for you to swallow your last mouthful and put the knife and fork back down on the plate so that he can remove it. That’s efficiency taken to absurd lengths. I always wonder whether the waiter is bored and hasn’t enough to do. Or perhaps the restaurant is running low on cutlery.

5

Nah. They just want you out of the way so they can start working the next tip. You sitting there reading your book isn’t paying their bills.

6

But I’ve had it happen when there’s quite a large group at the table. So it’s not just a case of getting rid of the single diner who is deemed unprofitable. And when it does happen any tip that might have been going to eventuate quickly disappears.

7

This is mine as well. I’m not lactose intolerant, but I can’t stand most cheeses anyway, and with unnecessary frequency go through exactly what you detailed.

8

You’ve been reading the menus for thirty seconds? It must be time to find out if you’re ready to order. :rolleyes:

I’m sure an Aussie can agree on the pub table rule…everybody has at least one glass in front of them, even if it is empty. Staff will not remove such glasses until a surplus appears. Leaving people sat around an empty table is a way to tell them to fuck off, and unless you’re closing, this is surely not a good business model.

9

When my husband says “and my wife will have nothing to drink” when placing our drink orders, what he means is nothing. Oddly enough, he is my husband, he lives with me, he knows my habits. Do not turn to me and ask what I would like to drink. Do not say “what about a glass of water?” I don’t drink at the same time as I eat, I owe you no explanation and you do not have to ask me 4 times if I am sure. Funny enough, I am quite sure.

The appetizer thing is a deal-breaker – if I get my appetizer at the same time as my food, it’s going back and I am not paying for it. This will be followed by a lecture to the server and the management about the concept of appetizer.

When we say “please bring 4 takeout containers” we mean “we’re full, we won’t be eating anymore, please wrap this deal up” We do not mean “hey, ignore us for 20 minutes and we will have finished the food on our plates, which is 3-4 times what a normal, healthy serving of food is, because we want to weigh 1000 lbs between the 4 of us.”

Ok, this is just a minor pet peeve, but seriously, why the fuck can’t I order off the children’s menu? I am not doing this because I want to save money – if I wanted to save money, I’d cook for myself! I do it because I cannot eat a 10 oz steak, baked potato and steamed broccoli (which is the smallest portion I can get on the adult menu that isn’t deep-fried) and microwave reheated steak is nasty, rubbery shite. I don’t really want to pay $15 for my barn cats to eat steak, mmmk? Fuck, I’d pay the $15 for the kids’ portion if you’d let me!

Ok, when my husband says “no pickles anywhere near the plate even as a garnish” Oddly, that’s what he means, and he may – he has before – throw the pickle at you in revulsion if you bring it to the table. I swear to Og, one day, I am going to have him talked into faking a massive allergic reaction so that you get the picture. Is it so hard to check the order before you bring it to the table or if you won’t be bringing it, to be sure the kitchen staff gets the no pickle note?

You know, the funny thing is, I waited tables for a long time. I treated my customers the way I expect to be treated. It’s not that hard. I have very high standards, but it’s just common sense/common courtesy really. Oh, and FTR, I am a huge tipper who will leave a $ .02 tip if you really try to piss me off.

10

I hope you don’t think I’m being too personal, but can I ask why? I can’t imagine eating a meal and not having something to drink, if only just in case of a emergency (like tongue-burning cheese). Glasses of water are free. It just seems to strange to me to be bothered about something that’s free and potentially helpful.

11

…really??

12

Litoris has had some sort of gastric surgery, IIRC?

I know with gastric banding (though I’m not sure about bypassing) you shouldn’t drink with your food, as the liquid washes more food into your stomach than would normally go past the band, and so you can end up a) eating more than you should and b) feeling very sick when the food doesn’t digest properly.

13

And added to the book thing - no, I don’t want to sit at the bar. Yes, I know I’m alone. I just want to sit at a nice, quiet well-lit table and enjoy my book while I enjoy a good meal. I do not want to have my elbow jogged by the asshole frat boys who are only here to fill up on two-for-ones before they hit the club. The only way I’m sitting at the bar is if you knock a considerable percentage off the price of my meal because I have to put up with that shit.

14

Waitrons who ask me if I want my change back tend to get MUCH smaller tips than ones who at least PRETEND that they think my money is my own, not theirs.

15

This might be unnecessarily taking it out of proportion, but ‘…my wife will have nothing to drink’ would potentially come across as “don’t let her get drunk”. To be honest, a simpler and more direct option would be to tell the staff yourself - “I can’t drink with food, for medical reasons”?

16

Why is it that waiters break in to ask “Is everything all right?” always when I am in the precise middle of the punch line of whatever anecdote I’m telling?

I noticed this once, and since then it’s driven me absolutely bananas. Every single time. I swear they take classes.

Then, for an encore, they can usually be relied upon to be nowhere in the building when you actually would like to request something.

Also, all the waiters at Club Sandwich are prissy little snip-snap shits who think the sun shines out their assholes, and the food is grotesquely overpriced and not that good. For diner food you might as well go to Resto du Village and pay three-quarters as much not to be insulted.

17

I would omit the last three words, and would probably substitute “can’t” with “don’t,” because it isn’t even the tiniest little bit the waiter’s business what her reason is for not drinking anything, as if she needed a doctor’s note not to skip being interrogated by the help.

18

I agree with you completely, an not only because the phrase I’d suggested was in itself problematic!

From the waiting point of view, however, my priority would be that it was a request from that customer, and not an instruction from a third party (whoever they may be)

19

I think we can be sure that very few gentleman your average waiter will be dealing with would have the nerve to assert that “Madam will not have anything to drink” if Madam had not instructed him to do so.

20

Ditto, but for an ovo-lacto vegetarian here. Veg-looking salads with bacon on them, vegetable soup with animal-based broths, etc. And don’t you dare lie to me, either - my gut cannot digest meat products and there’s a seriously high chance I’ll get sick later. (I haven’t yet noticed a restaurant lie about food content, but inlaws, on the other hand…)