I’m not not licking toads.
Chief Wiggum takes a trip to the Red Room:
Kids, let me tell you about so-called “wicked guy”: he had long hair and some wild ideas, and he didn’t always do what other people thought was right. And that man’s name was… I forget. But the point is, … I forget that too.
Marge, you know who I’m talking about. He used to drive that blue car?"
“I feel so full of… What’s the opposite of shame?”
“Pride?”
“No, not that far from shame.”
“Less shame?”
“Yeah…!”
Different episode, though:
“Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.? The kids can call you HoJu!”
“…I’ll get back to you.”
And every. Single. Time. I go out to eat with friends and someone mentions they are or have recently become vegetarian or vegan, I say nothing but mentally picture this:
Homer on Wikipedia:
Bart: So Dean Martin would show up at the last minute and do everything in just one take?
Homer: That’s right.
Bart: But Wikipedia said he was passionate about rehearsal!
Homer: Don’t you worry about Wikipedia. We’ll change it when we get home.
I don’t know what’s funnier about this—that Bart knows about Dean Martin, or that Homer knows how to edit a Wikipedia article.
Incidentally, this bit of dialogue led to concerns about possible Wikipedia vandalism.
“Oh, man! We killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad!”
Groundskeeper Willie: Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn’t good enough for her.
Shary Bobbins: It’s good to see you, Willie.
Groundskeeper Willie: That’s not what you said the first time you saw me!
What about broadcasts of Krusty, Ken Brockman or anything else they might watch? Is it a flat-screen television?
Minutes ago I was trying to remember the source of a qoute about no longer fearing Hell because of X. Did some googling, and guess what TV series it happened to be from?
The only time I’ve ever laughed about anything associated with Garrison Keillor:
I’m pretty sure they have a flat screen in those scenes, too, not just in the intro.
Thanks! I only see it in syndication and it will probably take a long time for the newer espisodes to be broadcast and for me to notice that detail.
Just so this isn’t a complete hijack, here are two more:
I love the way Lisa is shown to be tattletale. Not a snitch, but she’s often shown tattling on Bart, as in, “Mom! Bart’s throwing away his future!” I’m not sure why I like it; it just seems to round out her character.
Another of my favorites is when Lisa promotes Moe as a poet and Homer riducules him: “Oh, Moe’s a poet! He has a soul! Flutter your wings! It’s tea time in buttercup junction!”
That last one kills me, but he’s not done yet: Prancing around, he falls out a window and rolls down the steps of a fire escape, continuing with, “Moe’s the Princess of Lollypopland! He lunches on lavender and potpourri!” 
Too many to list here, but…
Prof. Frink (trying to silence audience of scientists so that he can be heard): “Pi is exactly 3!”
Scientists: “Gasp!”
Grandpa’s friend Jasper freezes himself in the Kwik-E-Mart ice cream case and is found holding this note:
“I have frozen myself so I may live to see the wonders of the future. Thaw me out when robot wives are cheap and effective. PS - Please alter my pants as fashion dictates.”
The entire segment “Time and Punishment” from Treehouse of Horror 5 (the one about time travel and the butterfly effect). Especially, when alternate-timeline-Marge says “What’s a donut?” and Homer runs, screaming, back to the time machine… then Marge comments “It’s raining again,” as it rains donuts outside the kitchen window.
Also from Treehouse of Horror 5 (“The Shinning” segment)…
Marge (seeing insane scrawling on walls a la The Shining): “This is less encouraging.”
When Chief Wiggum made chili containing “The Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango…grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.”
Moe (trying to impress his date): “I’m gonna buy ya a steak the size of a toilet seat!”
And, of course: “embiggens” being called “a perfectly cromulent word.”
For some reason, “Homer, you’ve got it set on whore” makes me laugh uncontrollably every time.
Moon pie. What a time to be alive.
I love all the Johnny Cash moments from that one.
Dad, women won’t like being shot in the face.
Women will like what I tell them to like, honey!
Another one is when Homer looks at Flanders’ yard and says that the grass really is greener on his side of the fence. Marge says it is because Homer keeps passing out on their yard and the view pans out to show spots of dead grass in the shape of Homer all over the yard likely from coming home from Moe’s and sleeping on the grass until noon.
Speaking of Treehouse of Horror (some of the alltime best episodes, IMHO): the evil Krusty doll episode, where the doll is approaching Homer with a menacing laugh…but the laugh stops because the doll’s string has rewound. And Krusty/doll mutely signs Homer to pull it again.
Another one: Rainier Wolfcastle learning his lines for the Radioactive Man movie.
Acting coach: “Up and atom!”
Wolfcastle: “Up and at them!”
Acting coach: “Up and atom!”
Wolfcastle: “Up and at them!”