Regarding these people that would rather not get a wedding gift if it means they have to send a thank-you note or seem to think that whatever they’re given isn’t good enough so why should they thank someone for something they don’t like…
I’m guessing they all registered for everything they WANTED. Why do that then? Aren’t you asking for gifts by doing that? Most people get whatever is on a couples’ registry or give money. So I don’t see how all of the gifts can be unwanted crap. As I said in my other post, it’s just plain rude. And lazy.
One thing I always think is funny/interesting about this topic, is there’s always the conclusion of, “well, if they don’t like writing thank you notes, and never send any thank you notes, then in the end they’ll stop getting gifts and their wish will be fulfilled, huh?”. But in a lot of these statements, there’s always this underlying snark sound, like they think the person no longer receiving gifts is getting their comeuppance rather than a true recognization that they truly, really are getting what they want. It’s like the people who snark about it can’t conceieve of a person who doesn’t care if they get gifts or not, or maybe even prefers not getting gifts, when every year we seem to have multiple threads on, “How Do I Stop My Family From Trading Gifts on Christmas I Hate it and It’s a Useless Tradition I Already Have So Much Stuff”. The dichotomy is always there. Yeah, if they say giving thank you cards is too much trouble and they’d prefer not getting gifts, maybe it’s true, and they really don’t give a shit that they won’t get any more gifts (and don’t know how to tackle the problem of a family that demands to give gifts because that’s what you do, so they sighed, and made the registry, and let mom know about it, so the family could do the thing they refuse to stop doing, and at least now they don’t have to listen to Aunt Martha go on and on about it). What’s wrong with that? It just comes full circle back to that gift givers that demand a specific type of thank you, really is just giving a gift to bolster their own ego regardless of what the receiver desires. That’s not the spirit of giving. And I’ve received enough thoughtless spa gift sets in my lifetime to recognize a gifter who bought something THEY liked to make THEMSELVES feel better, rather than considering my own thoughts and feelings.
Anyway, I’m of the mind that a perfunctory thank you text should be enough, unless the gift was actually thoughtful (many are not).
I imagine this is the kind of thing you pick up with experience.
I grew up in Chicago, where there was an “ethnic” element to most family gatherings. Growing up, the “German/Polish” weddings I attended all involved wrapped presents. After we got married, we attended an “Italian” wedding. Many aspects of the reception differed from our experience. But we still laugh about the fact that we brought a nice set of salad bowls, beautifully wrapped, to the reception. When we asked where the gifts table was, they acted as tho we were handing them a turd! EVERYBODY else brought envelopes. As I recall, the bride had some fancy silk and lace bag she carried to stash the loot.
I wonder, tho, whether they sent thank you notes after opening the envelopes…? No recollection whether we got a “Thank you” for the bowls.
Having mainly attended Italian-American weddings myself, yes, thank you notes are generally sent after opening the envelopes - even if the envelopes were handed to the bride.
In our case I was told that things I wanted at my wedding were too expensive and I had to put cheap crap in the registry so people would have things in their price range. I refused so my wife filled in the crap portion. Most people opted for the cheap crap. Mrs. Digger didn’t want that stuff either so most of it got tossed shortly after the thank you notes were done.
Generally, our wedding registry broke down to really expensive knifes and pots, china (which has only been used once in 6 years and I can’t stand), and cheap crap. We still thank the person who went off registry to buy us a nice waffle maker annually but we just used a grill bowl set for the first time, it was crap and immeaditly went in the garbage and I’m pissed we held on to it this long.
What I learned from my wedding is its rude to ask for what you want and its rude to not thank the majority of people who buy the cheapest crap and that in the end I would have been happier if the gift thing hadn’t happened. Because of this I’ve become more militantly anti gift since my wedding.
EVERYBODY else brought envelopes. As I recall, the bride had some fancy silk and lace bag she carried to stash the loot.