It’s funny for me to give advice, but since I’m less socially inept than I used to be, and I managed to snag a fine woman who’s been my wife for a decade, plus I had the chance to watch a friend in action who has dated some amazingly beautiful and accomplished women, here are the few pointers I’ve picked up.
I’m afraid there’s nothing surprising about my conclusions: women want to be around a guy who’s amusing, who listens, who cares about her, who has money and is going someplace in his life.
All of these can be faked: by memorizing jokes from The Simpsons, by learning to shut up when she’s speaking, by adopting a glassy-eyed stare (much like a lizard sunning himself) when she’s speaking, by using credit and by lying about your resume. That’s how I did it.
From reading a few threads on this board by women, there’s another tactic players use that the rest of us guys do not: they make decisions. They are willing to take the lead. If they ask a woman out to dinner, they have a place to go in mind. They don’t say, “Oh, anywhere’s fine with me. Where do you want to go?”
This irritates women, for some reason.
That’s not to say you should be Neanderthal about it. It’s not necessarily a control issue (although for some it can be). It’s simple courtesy. Even more, it’s courting behavior. Suggest a place to go. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll say so, and you get to have the fun of negotiating (and she’ll learn something about you – that you’re willing to bend – and you’ll learn something about her taste in food).
Taking the lead also means standing up for what you believe in. If you feel she’s pushing too hard, push back (not physically, unless she’s trying to throw you off a cliff). Object politely. Argue your point. Don’t be obnoxious about it, but be firm.
This sort of give-and-take is vital in a relationship. You’re both establishing yourself in each others’ eyes, and you want to be seen as a fair, fun guy who’s willing to listen but believes in things, etc., etc., not as a wet noodle who mopes about the house in his shorts, drinking beer and moaning that he can’t get a girl.
And remember, if you’re not like that, you can fake it.