Dear gentlemen,
This thread is a torch to guide young men in dating in the 21st century. Share your tips if you have any. I went from being borderline involuntarily celibate to being a lady’s man. I will show you how I got there.
Get with the times.
Today in America, women rule. People are starting to recognize their worth as human beings (about time!). They are individuals that have real feelings, thoughts, and desires. They are not some…thing…that we just cum into. She recognizes her own worth, and will not put up with a man who doesn’t treat her like gold. Ignore your dad’s advice on how to attract women. Having a good job and being a “nice” guy isn’t going to cut it. All it took for my mom to get with my dad was being a nice man who bought her stuff. That was the 1950’s. I tried the same thing with women, only to end up night after night with my pecker in my hands and some corny internet porn.
Look well, but don’t obsess about appearance.
Get in shape, but don’t turn into muscle man. Guys think they have to look like hulk in order to pull women. That’s nonsense. Women are actually intimidated by men who are too big and strong, and not intimidated in a good way. Same thing that goes for penises. Be hung like a human, not hung like a horse. Unless your dick looks like a bicycle kickstand, don’t feel insecure about not having a HUGE weener.
Put some thought into your clothes, but you don’t have to go all GQ. I mentioned this in another thread I started; I once heard some pretty women discussing what kind of clothes look sexy on a man outside a record store. They all agreed that a man in a tight black shirt and skinny jeans looks sexy as hell. The next day I went to American Apparel and bought about 10 slim-fitting deep-V black t-shirts for my v-shaped torso. I already had a bunch of skinny jeans (check!). I got some briefs though, boxers can bunch under skinny jeans and look sloppy. I got briefs in different colors and patterns. Solid: Black, teal, purple, khaki, and hot pink. Patterned: Camo, textris, swallows, and tear drops. Whenever I bend over to pick up stuff, girls giggle and blush and pop the elastic against my skin. 
Her cats are kings.
A woman’s cats are her babies. So treat them accordingly. They are her best friends. Cats don’t start rumors, cock block, or give passive aggressive b-day presents like her human best friends do. Smile at the cats. Don’t hiss or frown at them. Let them scratch you, don’t worry cats have less germs than humans. Girls these days don’t declaw, fyi. Post friendly messages the cats’ facebook profiles. Yes, some women have social media profiles for their pets.
Have some damn morals.
Women, hate men who behave as if they were raised by wolves. That rude boy thing was popular in the 90s but not in 2015. Don’t be a bigoted dickhead. Don’t shame: minorities, gays and lesbians, trans people, immigrants, the disabled, fat people, homeless people, walmart shoppers, people with lazy eyes, hipsters.
It’s good to love money, but don’t act greedy in front of women, it’s a turn off. It’s actually a thing for young women to romantisize poverty today. Thrifting. Dumpster diving. Flushing poop but not flushing pee, in order to save on sewage bills. On OkCupid, you’ll see a question “Would you mind being poor for the rest of your life?” The majority of the women said “yes”. I’ve probably viewed over a thousand profiles.
Watch some TV.
Don’t think you’re too good to watch some damn TV. There’s actually some good stuff on TV these days. Watch a bunch of movies too. Not all passive entertainment is bad entertainment. Women love when you drop TV and movie references into conversation. I once passed a bus full of screaming children on a date, I made a “Hobo with a Shotgun” joke.
Get smart.
Don’t be a dumb ass. It’s no longer cool to brag about not reading any books. You’ll want a smart woman, don’t believe in the old-fashioned sexist bullshit that woman are supposed to be dumb. Dumb women are dangerous. They get into weird accidents, are likely to get pregnant, and say dumb things in front of your friends. This is a two way street. Display your smarts. Science is in these days. So is tech. Geek is chic. Cliche, I know, but it is true. If you’re lacking in the looks department, you might have the chance to snag a woman with your intelligence. See, women have these things called “vagina pulses”. Some women’s vaginas actually get excited when they hear a man say smart things! This leads to…
Treat women as sexual beings.
Women are almost as horny as men. It’s just more taboo. But whenever she feels comfortable with a man, she wants to fuck him. Pay attention to the signals. Fuck her as soon as possible. Don’t go on that sex after six weeks shit your parents told you about. Women release “bonding” hormones during orgasm. So, the quicker you all have sex, on her terms of course, the higher the chance you can get her attached to you.
Have good conversations.
Try to be interested (in her), and not interesting. Yeah, you do cool stuff like drinking two new craft beers a week, exploring sewers, and how to fart in Beethoven tunes. She doesn’t give a shit. Save the attention whoring for internet message boards. Enter her soul. Talk about the things she thinks are cool. Here’s a cheat sheet: the environment, the economy, evolution (but not ev psych, that’s a no-no), fashion, vegan/vegetarian cuisines, indian and thai cuisines, music*, gardens, any kind of injustice you’ve witnessed, popular podcasts, female sexual health, animals, protests and boycotts. To get more ideas lurk on Jezebel and metafilter, and get familiar with Amy Schumer.
*Ok music, be careful what kind of music you discuss. You have a lot of options though, just don’t talk about country or top 40. And you know what kind of music really gets her going? Indie women music! Not just any indie women music, the kind of indie women music that the artist sounds like whiny but lifeless cat, fringe bangs, and who wears “mom” jeans and oversized homely dressses ironically. Dances like she’s having a seizure.
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Do what I say above, but don’t try too hard. Don’t get too serious, have some fun and be playful. This is a weakness of mine, and I actually have a story. In the past women have criticized be for being too intense. On my last date, I did a double date. Tanya and Nelipot. An interracial lesbian couple. Not only I looked progressive doing a double date with such a couple, they are really fun.
Tanya is Bayonet’s friend I mentioned in my beer party post. A hot mess she is, but she knows hot to have fun. We all took a stroll down town and the city park. We ended the night at Whole Foods. Well, technically the ER, I was hit by a shopping cart full of meat! I actually kind of got hurt. We were goofing around in Whole Foods and Tanya came up with a “bright” idea. You know those inclines that you send from the store level down to the garage level? She thought it would be funny if we rolled a shopping cart full of meat down that incline. I volunteered to get hit. I had several drinks and my judgment was off.
So we went and grabbed some frozen grassfed beef, frozen king salmon, and Detroit’s free range chicken, put them in a shopping car, and headed over to the escalators. I stood at the bottom, and Tanya and Nelipot released the shopping cart full of meat. The cart picked up more and more speed. It went a lot more faster than I expected. My senses came to me at the last minute and I attempted to hop away from the cart, but it was too late. I ended up in the ER with a bruised hip. My date thought it was the funniest thing though, and she thinks I’m a fun guy.
Guys, share your advice, too!
I was going to post this topic on reddit, but while I fit in more there, it’s easier to get more attention here. On reddit it’s a bunch of crazy young guys trying to compete with each other, you get lost in the noise.