Why, handy! blushing
Now, if I had any single girlfriends, but I know almost nobody in this town as of yet. I’m only just venturing out and trying to build a social life for myself. As for jealous…well, I can be a jealous wench for sure, but I don’t know if I want him to know that! 
Dr. Tatiana (see http://www.drtatiana.com/, her website) says that sometimes pheromes don’t match when you have mismatching blood types with someone, which will put children at risk. Maybe your body is telling you that this was not meant to be.
Have you tried fixing him? Not as in getting him neutered- as in altering him to fit your taste. Naturally, some people see this as somewhat insulting, but some (esp. fellas) actually kind of enjoy this process.
Get him a haircut, some clothes, teach him to dance, and recommend a couple of good books; THEN decide if he gives you that “oooh” feeling.
He HAS lots of good books. He doesn’t need a haircut, and his clothes are fine. And I don’t dance, so that’s sort of unnecessary.
That’s why I feel bad about this. There OUGHT to be something. But there’s not. AAAGH!
Yeah, whiterabbit, I get the definite impression the guys aren’t really getting what a conflict this is. (Well – guys – :rolleyes: – you know.
I ended up dating a guy for three years who I didn’t have much chemistry with. It was my first relationship after getting sober, so I didn’t really know what to expect – bells and whistles and drama seemed like “old behavior” to me, so the fact that it was pleasant rather than thrilling seemed, I dunno, mature or something. Plus, the relationship started out when I was coming out of a fairly long dry spell, and I was so glad to get laid that I didn’t notice that the sex wasn’t very good. Plus, he was a really, really, nice guy (see above on “maturity”), and we had a lot of interests in common, etc.
So anyway, three years later, there’s this great, steamy, sexy Prince song – and I notice that every time I hear it (and I’m playing the hell out of this album), I’m not thinking about the guy I’m currently sleeping with, but a guy back from whenever. So I broke up with the guy who was right on paper – it wasn’t fair to either of us.
Learn from my mistakes, Grasshopper – chemistry is important. Hold out for it.
Good luck – let us know what happens after you talk to him.
Friends it is. I feel MUCH MUCH MUCH better now, aside from the adrenaline hit I got because I was nervous.
“Better now than later,” he said. “Of course we can still be friends.”
And if he ever wants to back out of that, that’s okay, I DO understand. I had a friend once who I had a desperate crush on, who dated ALL my friends…but never me. This was in high school, though, and both of us are well past that age.
Take him to Commander’s and get a really visable table. Then fart really loudly during the middle of dinner (the more times you can repeat this the better). After this pick your nose for a really long time (you should be up to your elbow on this).
That should do the trick.
XOXO
I’m going to assume you’re kidding, Longboard Dude, because there is no way on God’s green Earth that I could afford to go to that place.
You could afford lunch – they’re advertising you can eat there starting at $15.
Of course, black tie is still probably required.
It’s strictly academic for me. I’m simply not capable of that level of organization & forward thinking. Which is a bummer, because it makes a lot of observed phenomena understandable.
I once went on a date with a woman I’d met through an online dating service. Logically speaking, I should have hit it off with her: she was Asian, plump, of a compatible age to me, worked in an industry I’m interested in (all things that are attractive)… but there just wasn’t a chemistry there. We never hooked up.
If they could figure out how to describe, explain, and predict interpersonal chemistry, the would would be a different place.
a cautionary tale:
I have a friend that was in a relationship that was nice, he was great to her, and she felt comfortable, relatively happy and financially secure.
There was no passion.
They got engaged. Then she realized her mistake.
Don’t lead this guy on, if you know you’re not feeling it, tell him right away.
Uhhh…I’m in the same situation pretty much. I’ve already taken it too far and I’m such a sap I don’t have the heart to dump him. Last time he spent the night I actually rolled over and cried about how “I’m a horrible person to not like him.” It’s just that I’m 21 and I’ve never had a serious relationship, I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel. I go between thinking we should break up and thinking I should wait because we’ve been dating less than 2 months. I just really don’t know what to do. Sexually (and by that I mean foreplay, I’m a virgin), it isn’t THAT great, but I don’t have much to compare too.
Part of the problem might be that for the last 4 months I’ve just had drunken flings. I’ve learned to seperate romantic and sexual feelings. I’m just really confused on what the hell to do about it. Also, I’m thinking about losing my virginity to him, which really adds to the confusion.
Oh man, Venus, step back and collect yourself before you do anything life changing.
Anyway, chemistry isn’t optional, it’s necessary for a good relationship. And it can’t be manufactured. If it isn’t there, it probably never will be.
Also, in my experience, if he’s attracted to you then you may never be able to be friends. It all depends on how attracted he is. I am a very outspoken, no beating around the bush type of girl and I have dated a few guys who I liked but just didn’t have a real attraction to. I tried to be friends with them and continue having fun together but each one saw it as having a chance that something would kick in and work out romantically. I really thought I could convince this one guy to be friends and go out with me occasionally for dinner. He saw this as proof that I was attracted to him even when I gave NO signs whatsoever besides a light goodnight kiss. I was almost date-raped by him. Maybe he would have never taken it that far but I literally had to trick him to go out on the landing of my apartment to look at the stars and then run inside and slam the door to get him to leave.
Just be careful with his heart and your self.
Wow, have I been there. VENUS, there is no light at the end of that tunnel. Believe me, I know. I made the mistake of confusing “like” and “love,” and by the time I woke up to that fact, there was no way back that didn’t hurt a very good man very badly. And I was a heck of a lot older than 21. To this day I think he probably thinks I’m an awful person, to say I loved him so often and then, when he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, to say I didn’t love him that way at all.
I agree with COPPER MOON that chemistry is something that’s either there or it ain’t. If it ain’t. you’re not doing yourself or him any favors to pretend that it is. Is it hard to dump a good man? Yes. Very hard. Especially if, like me, you always thought you’d be happy just to have a good man and then, when you do, you discover he’s the wrong one. Everything you wanted, but not what you want. But unfortunately it won’t get any easier. 
whiterabbit, I am glad you took the step of letting your friend know you were not interested in him romantically. You definately did the right thing.
But there is another dimension to this that you may not have considered.
I was in the same situation. Being a guy who really liked this one girl, Lisa, in my senior year in H.Ss, I was very interested in going steady with her. She truely enjoyed going out on dates and spending time with me. She enjoyed going out to the mall and hanging out, hitting a restaurant for some quick eats, and doing the movie thing. We really had fun when we were together, and she seemed to really be sending me signals that she wanted more than just a friendship. We even went to prom together, but she only wanted the friendship, and told me so.
It was really for the best, and I’m glad she was upfront and honest with me, though my feelings were a little hurt. But what really hurt was what happened after that. She continued acting like she was interested in me romantically. She kept flirting with me and still acted like she wanted something more. It was damn confusing. When I was invited to her birthday party, she actually had one of her girlfriends hit on me at her party so I would not hang around her so much, even though she still did the flirting thing. I finally had enough and just stopped seeing er altogether.
What I am trying to say (sorry for the long post) is that it’s important that you make sure you are not sending signals to this guy that he might still interpret as romantic interest. It will drive a wedge into an otherwise great friendship.
Update…last night I was sure I would break-up with him when he called me when he got home. He never called and I didn’t want to accidently wake his parents. It might be easier to break-up than I thought, he actually said yesterday that I ruined his sex life because I won’t have sex with him.
agreed. it won’t, no matter what you have gone through together. and you will look back and say to yourself 'why the hell didn’t i listen to everyone, everyone that could see what i could not, it just wasn’t true love?!?
ok, maybe that’s a little much, but you get the idea…
[sub]gee i really feel like the sap now…[/sub]
Venus, any guy who would say that isn’t worth the effort in the end. I’m really sorry about that.
And I’m not going to be all flirty with the guy in question – I just didn’t have it in me to be flirty when I was trying to, let alone now. But thanks for the warning.
I had a relationship end at the end of last year in very nasty circumstances; he was absolutely perfect for me, I was madly in love, but it turned out that his whole family is wacko, and he’s willing to go along with their wackiness…in particular, his parents, who seem to think this is the 18th century and they can order their son not to marry somebody who he’s said he’s going to marry. (He’s a sweet guy, but turned out to be a complete wimp. I am very disappointed in him. I also, God willing, will never speak to him again after what happened!)
Yea…I’m still on the fence here. We need to have a sex talk for sure. I just like him so much, it’s going to be so hard. It doesn’t help that he’s the only friend I have out here (I moved here to go to school). I’ll be so lonley without him.
Another problem is that I usually have a total fear of commitment. So I’m trying to figure out if I’m just scared of being loved…or if there really is a problem in our relationship. I suck.