It looks like you do really need to contact the law locally before going any further, but at least by morning <or Monday; who knows what hours the gov. keeps these days> theres plenty of reading and info to get you started.
man, I’m fidgeting for you! and every other parent with kids.
I found out an over-18 guy hit on my daughter on her myspace page. I messaged him, telling him I was her father (I’m her mother, but father sounded better), and if he EVER contacted her again, including to tell her I had messaged him, I was calling the cops so fast his head would spin. And to remove her from his contacts. He never contacted her again. She never knew.
Thank you. I am going through all these now. I have like 20 tabs open, but it is certainly keeping me busy (and thus calmer). It’s comforting to have y’all to turn to. If I hadn’t posted here, I’d probably still be talking myself into circles…you really have been a help.
I like the way you think. His phone number is posted on his Facebook page too, the idiot. My husband (who is at work) will probably take that route, but I am afraid I would end up so angry that I’d burst into tears and that wouldn’t be quite as effective.
It would be so much easier I think if my daughter wasn’t in on it. I know she is too young to be held responsible and that it is his fault and problem in the long run, but I am so very angry at her too. She was raised better than this and she knows better. That she knows that it is wrong enough to hide it so carefully from me, pisses me off to no end.
I do love my daughter more than anything, but right now I’d like to shake some sense into her. We have had all the talks, we taught her never to give her personal information…we taught her to not trust men who claim to be in love with you before the first date…How can she just forget all of that?
Thanks, I think we need it.
The case is still pending. We filed for an emergency hearing on it while daughter was in the hospital when the therapist first recommended severing contact with bio-mom, but the judge didn’t think it was grounds for an emergency hearing so now we are in the “discovery” phase I guess. He ordered the visitation schedule to stay as it is until the full hearing which has not yet been scheduled and there are a bunch of other things pending before he will set a date (Mom has to have a psych eval and a home study and a few other things that I forget). Judges aren’t interested in what the psych’s have to say until they are in court so he didn’t even review her affidavit in support…family law is just a mess.
You know, after thinking it over I think I might do this. My Facebook account is a joint one with my husband so it would be coming from her father as well.
It us after 2 am so I am probably not thinking right, but the worst thing that can happen is that my daughter finds out before she gets home and is angry, right? I can handle angry, I can;t handle what this is leading to.
Turning it over to the police (or FBI) offers a chance to protect other girls from this creep. Confronting him yourself is more likely to result in more covert communication between your daughter and him. I say don’t DIY this: Hand it over to the authorities.
Oh I was planning on both actually…but I got as far as composing the message and couldn’t keep my anger in check long enough to be coherent, so none was sent.
Do y’all really think the FBI is the way to go at this point? I know that he has crossed some lines already, but on the flip side of that I don’t want to take away any resources or time from a bigger criminal or more important investigation. Should I start local maybe and just call the police department and then let them decide if it is enough to get the FBI involved?
So far we have him saying things like, “you are fking hot" “I love you so much, baby” “You are the best girlfriend the world” and the conversation with my older girl where he said that he was 24, he knew that my daughter is 13 and that “when she comes to Texas to see him” (Ha! Fat chance of that!) he is going to get a hotel room so that they can “chill out”. And couldn’t all of that be twisted into innocence or at least non-guilt? As much as I do not want him saying this, it would be easier if he had just come out and said "let’s fk” or something…I just don’t want to either make too big of a deal out of it (from the FBI perspective) or let it continue, so I am just torn still.
On a lighter note, I sent my own mother an email apologizing for everything that I may have done between the ages of 13 and 18. If I put her through half as much as my daughter is doing to us then I deserve every bit of this.
I’ll start this by saying I’m a old fart, so I’m speaking from an old more`. That said, why in the world is you daughter allowed to post inapproprate pictures of herself on line? Why keep your observations secret? Tell her you’re watching her every move and if she continues to act inapproprately on line she will no longer have that privilege. Move her computer to a room where she is under you, or your husband’s scrutiny.
The man does need to be stopped from stalking young girls, but if she is allowed to continue as she has, there’ll be another perv along in a munite.
She’s not allowed to post the slutty pictures. They are removed when we find them, Those she sends to her page from a friend’s cell phone. We do watch her and she knows it. We have a keylogger on that computer (that she knows is there) and the whole privacy while using the internet has been addressed by placing the computer smack-dab in the middle of the living room so that she will be aware that she has none. That doesn’t stop her from the sneakiness like deleting messages as soon as she sees them (her private message folder on FB is also empty…time to change that too I guess). I don’t want to keep my observations secret really, I just need to figure out the best way to address it (I have a tendency to go off half-cocked, which helps no one) and I don’t want her to know that I know anything while she is at her bio-mom’s house because then she could block the account (temporarily) and I wouldn’t be able to see anything at all (until she was home of course when it would be unblocked or she’d have no computer at all).
It is just such a struggle…with all of her mental issues that we are just starting to work on. I want to be forceful but I know that shuts her down and she won’t hear a word after that. So I want to find the best way so that she might actually learn why this is so wrong instead of just thinking that I am a meanie that is taking away her fun, you know?
While this man is entirely in the wrong, my daughter is not an entirely innocent party to this either. She may not be legally culpable, but she damn sure is responsible for it going this far and for her own comments on his wall. That hasn’t gone unnoticed and won’t go unmentioned (or unpunished). We have preached internet safety and given our kids lots of tips and assistance (and a lot of trust) on the internet and she knows full well what she is doing, she just doesn’t know how bad it can get. And that is the point I need to make to her…but nothing can be done or discussed until she comes home. Her mother thinks such antics are cute and has encouraged her to set her sights on “older men”- hopefully not the 20s just yet, but I know she has asked why she isn’t dating high school boys yet (she also bought her push up bras and thongs when she turned 11 because Mom thought she should start dressing sexier- so that’s what we are up against).
But the minute she gets home, we will be sitting down to a family meeting to discuss this latest development.
Perhaps, if the police / FBI / whoever are willing to play along, it might be a better lesson to let her go ahead and meet this man, only for their meeting to result in his arrest? Having a lot of officers burst into the room is something she’ll remember for a long time.
Alternatively, since she’s not listening to you, does she have a teacher she trusts? Perhaps they could do a session on paedos and grooming?
You really must take this very seriously and act right away. Don’t listen to the little voice telling you it’s nothing and you are overreacting. Overreact. Call the police and if they don’t sound appalled, concerned and motivated then call the FBI. He’s a pedophile on his way up. He’s already been to jail (there are several online sites where you can find out what the charges were for a nominal fee) And you don’t want your daughter to be the first one he kills.
Yes, I’m serious. Nail him, and make your daughter understand just how dangerous this was.
How about sitting her down and scrolling through a listing from some place like crimelibrary with lots of pictures of victims and their predators … nothing like dead and battered girls to make her stop and think. Heck, Jeff Dahmer was actually reasonably nice and normal looking … he went for years passing as normal.
After all this, why are you still allowing her to have a FB or myspace? My younger sister did something that doesn’t even come close to this, but my dad still forced her to delete her accounts. She was mad, but did. Didn’t scar her for life or make her permanently hate my dad or anything.
Also, make sure you do a screen capture of all these conversations. The easiest way is to pull of the conversation and click “print screen” then go to MS Paint and hit paste and save that. Or at least take a physical picture of the screen. I’d make sure to copy the conversation where he said he was 24 and she was 13 as well as all those ‘yer so sexy’ comments. The reason being that, as you know, they are so easy to delete, it’ll be very helpful if you can forward that on to the police as well.
It seems like that might really mess with a 13 year old girls head. My guess is either they would let her think everything is going as planned and then have mom and dad not allow her to go out that night and the cops could send in a decoy OR the cops would take over her FB page and go from there.
But like I said before, I think the best course of action is to just call the cops, either in your town or his I doubt it’ll matter and let them take it from there. If they want to set him up they can do that*, if they have enough to take him down now they’ll do that, if they feel the need to get the FBI involved, they’ll do that.
*Now that I think about it, ISTM it would be easiest for the cops to just get his email address continue on the conversation that way. All they have to do is say “Hey, it’s me, I don’t want my mom to see us talking so I thought we’d be better off using email”
Also, once the cops get involved you’ll have to tell her what’s going on, if for no other reason she’ll jeopardize the case if she doesn’t know about it.
Personally, I’m for bringing in the big guns and completely destroying the target. That is, call the FBI. Interstate solicitation of sex with a minor? Sounds like a crime to me. Make a Federal Case out of it. Maybe I was influenced by Machiavelli, or maybe I’ve read too much Discworld; but I tend to favour massive attacks by stealth. Don’t to anything yourself. You don’t want to risk burning your intel. The FBI has many more, and more sophisticated resources than you do.
Don’t worry about how they allot their resources - that’s their job. But contacting the FBI was my first thought. The predator may just by some idiot jerking off while talking to your kid, or he might be at the beginning of a crime spree. Let the pros know what’s going on - maybe a little visit by an agent with a shiny badge will scare the crap out of this moron… Anyway, that’s who I’d call.
I would be concerned about letting your daughter know right away that you are contacting the police/FBI because you have to assume that she has his phone number from his facebook page, and she might call him from a friend’s phone to give him advance warning that the cops are coming to get him. If she warns him, he could get rid of any evidence that he’s done this kind of thing before with other girls. Maybe you could ask the police how much lead time they need before it’s safe to tell her? I think you could still talk to your daughter about what guys she should not be talking to on facebook, and why, without mentioning the police until a later conversaion.
Do this: Find out everything you can about this prick. His name, where he lives, his phone number, where he works/goes to school, his parole officer’s name, names of family members, what time of day he has a bowel movement, etc… Shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish (well, the BM might be tricky).
Once you have this, enlist your husband to call him. If hubby can’t sound scary, fine someone who can. Then have scary-man call him late at night and have this conversation:
“Listen up, George William Predator. You live at 339 Oak Street, that white house third from the corner, right? Three blocks from where you sell Slurpees at the 7-11? Well, my name is Manfred Mann and I’m Clarabelle’s father, you know, from Facebook. Here is the deal: If you ever have any sort of contact with her again, in any way, I’m going to come over to Oak Street and grab your balls with both hands and remove them from your body. Then I’m going to shove them down your throat. This is the only warning you will get.” (click)
He’ll probably crap his pants on the spot. And I seriously doubt he’ll consider contacting your daughter again. Sadly, there are plenty of other girls he can chase, and I’m sure he’ll be able to fall in love all over again.
My advice should be considered supplemental to contacting the authorities, not instead of.
Also, I’m not recommending actually grabbing his 'nads; just planting the idea in his brain.
If I put her through half as much as my daughter is doing to us then I deserve every bit of this.