If anyone’s interested, here’s Mayor Kid-toucher’s Sex Offender Registry page:
[failblog]PARENTING FAIL[/failblog]
Get all available authorities involved immediately. She loses her right to have a myspace/facebook account. She has no right to privacy in her internet activity. Address why she’s seeking out this sort of skeevy, significantly older and creepy/trash attention in the first place.
Wow, that was harsh. And maybe you should read the entire thread before telling her she fails as a parent. She HAS contacted the FBI and the investigation is underway.
Mitze, I’m late to this thread, but I would like to echo everyone else here. You did the right thing by calling the authorities. You aren’t over-reacting. Your daughter’s safety is most important, and I hope this creep is caught so he doesn’t harm her or anyone else.
But, if I can be permitted to make a suggestion, and please don’t take it the wrong way. Does your daughter know you post on the Dope? Does she know your screen name and is there any possible way she could read this thread and connect you with it? If so, please, now that it’s in the hands of the FBI and the police, don’t say anything else that could give her any information. If she’s reading this, and knows the discussion is about her, she could warn the predator off and all your work could be undone. As much as you’re counting on us for moral support, and please be assured you have it beyond measure, don’t say anything else that could innocently jeopardize the investigation. I say this with all sympathy and wishes for a good outcome, but unless you can be absolutely sure that she doesn’t know that you are discussing her here, you could do her more good by not posting anything else, at least until the guy is caught. That’s just my two cents, but please know that I have all the best wishes for your daughter’s safety and hopes for this predator to be put behind bars for a very long time.
Of course, if there’s no way your daughter can connect this thread with her, please keep us updated if it is safe for you to do so. We do care and we want to hear about a positive outcome.
POSTING FAIL. Read the entire thread before posting - particularly when you are going to tell someone they are a bad parent.
(Unless said bad parent is Green Bean ;)).
Sorry, I meant it in a tough love/chiding sort of way. DROP THE A-BOMB ON THIS SITUATION. NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.
pure speculation, the FBI are already diverting copies of the FB correspondence and following along. I have the feeling that they will be waiting at the hotel meeting spot and will be grabbing the guy. Whether or not they tell you to hold your daughter from going to the meeting, or they wait and grab them as he answers the door, I do not know … I do hope they manage to contact that poor 14 year old he already abused, and she is willing to go to court against him [it sounds like she is pissed off enough to do so] and they can grab him long before the vacation.
ETA
There is a reason, IMV, that he doesn’t get some version of “escalation.”
A 13 year old is experiencing “love” for the first time, in an immature, irrational way.
If you simply threaten him, you may simply send the relationship underground. Teenagers are extremely resourceful. She will use her friends computer, and her friend’s phone for texting. She’ll open new gmail accounts. Before you know it hes sending Greyhound bus ticket money.
I don’t think can take that risk. You’re not playing to a stalemate. You’re not trying to bully, him or even frighten him. You’re trying to eradicate him.
So the fact that hes stopped posting on her FB wall doesn’t mean hes not in contact with her, or that the relationship isn’t progressing.
So in my book I go after him (not just for my daughter, but for the other parents/girls too) relentlessly. *Every *person, every authority, every resource would be exhausted-----even after I perceived him to be gone. He must not be allowed to go underground to resurface later.
He’s broken the law, it would seem. Thats a lot of ammunition.
This situation is making me dread what it will be like when MY daughter is a teenager. (She’s only 6 months old… imagine what social technology will be like in another 12-13 years!)
I’m wondering if the FBI is now setting up a decoy FB profile and trying to set up a sting with him. He seemed eager to friend your older daughter, and apparently tries this with lots of girls. That way, creepo gets locked up, and your daughter hopefully never hears from him again. And if she does, he’d have to explain why he got caught trying to sex up some OTHER teenager girl, when he’s probably told her that she’s the only one for him.
That being said, after he’s dealt with, it’s definitely time to go on security lock-down, as far as the internet is concerned. If I were you, I’d be preparing talking points for the family meeting you’ll inevitably be having. When you do contact the therapist about it, I’d see if they wouldn’t mind mediating it. That way you have someone “neutral” and your daughter hopefully won’t feel like she’s being ganged up on.
I say this as someone who ran off to see someone I had met online when I was 17. Thankfully she was actually who she said she was. When I came home, though, the family talks could have gone better.
Best of luck, though.
I totally agree: do what’s best for your daughter, not what’s best for the careers of the guys at the FBI. And as for how to do that, I would hope her doctors know her better than us strangers on the internet; I think getting them involved is the best step.
By the way, if this creep just got jailed for threatening his parents, I don’t think a phone call will from someone your husband’s age will dissuade him; instead that’s ammunition for him to use to split her from you.
Stop that talk right now. We’ve gotten two girls through this stage and into adulthood, and they will go a bit crazy no matter what you do - and even without a wacko biomom. Being a good parent is about responding to what your kids do, and anticipating it, not about ensuring that they never get into trouble. The only way to do that is to lock them in the basement, and that doesn’t turn out too well either.
It seems to me that you saw the early warning signs and set things up so you’d be informed if something did happen, which is why you are on top of things now. You’re doing a great job, and in 15 years or so your daughter is going to recognize it and thank you.
Keep in mind folks that the FBI is playing with bigger and better tools than us. If they want access to Pedo’s account, they WILL GET access to Pedo’s account, and not through secret black helicopter methods, either. They’ll pick up a phone and talk to Facebook, Inc and Facebook will comply.
Wouldn’t they have to get a warrant for that (I’m not saying they can’t get one, just wondering if they would need one)?
I think it comes down to expectation of privacy- i think facebook is inherently public.
Probably. But one of the things that’s been happening more and more often, is how easily something like that can come about, especially if there’s a suspicion.
Facebook’s Terms of Service allow them to reply to law enforcement requests for your content without requiring a warrant.
Those types of guys don’t need to exist imo.
Having them around just means more chance they procreate.
Jails do nothing but drain the tax payers.
They can ask the Facebook folks, and it’s entirely up to the Facebook folks to voluntarily comply if they choose to do so. If not, I have no doubt a search warrant can be obtained based on existing evidence, and that search warrant can be used to force the Facebook folks to comply.
Need? That’s an interesting take on the issue. Do any of us *need *to exist? That could be an interesting Great Debate.
‘Having anyone around’ increases the likelihood of a sexual liason. I’m trying to work out your point here. Are you suggesting that paedophilia is genetic? I wasn’t aware that that had been established. Or just that those types shouldn’t have unprotected sex?
So we should demolish all jails? Or have them privately funded? That could be another interesting discussion.
MitzeKatze,
I’ve been following this discussion for the past few days with great interest. Partially because I work in PC Tech/Network Tech, partially because I have children who use the internet, and partially because I have custody of our nephew who is in the same age range as your step daughter, who is going through the same type of emotional turmoil right now.
I think one of the big questions you have on your mind right now is, “What do I do to stop this that will have no impact (or minimal impact) on step daughter’s emotional state?”
I think the answer to this is that there is nothing that can be done now that will have no impact on her emotional state. Whatever happens, she is going to explode emotionally. If you come clean to her with everything you know about this, she’s going to emotionally explode, with her anger focused on you. If you call the cops or FBI, she’s still going to emotionally explode, probably suspecting you were the ones who called him. If by some chance of fate the guy never contacts her again, she will still emotionally explode, the anger being turned inward and she will emotionally start going down hill again.
As the parent, you need to to do what is best for her. You’ve already called the authorities. Let her know you know what is going on and that it is unacceptable behavior. Set your limits with her and establish boundaries for her pc and technology (cell phone) use. Be there for her emotionally (if she will let you) and let her know you are there to take care of her. Then hope for the best from there.
As the guardian of a kid who is emotionally broken, I understand your pain and I really feel for you.