I can put my ankles… oh wait.
Nevermind. 
I get that a lot, or I did when I was actively studying martial arts. J. Random Blackbelt puts some sort of lock on me and looks at me expectantly. I casually free myself. “But you were supposed to be in pain!” he cries. Or he puts me in a headlock…and I stand up with him dangling from my shoulder. I can’t do all the funky contortions you can, alice, but joint locks are generally useless on me.
Yes, I ticked off a lot of instructors who liked to demonstrate on the biggest guy in the class. I found it amusing.
I’ve never been susceptible to pressure points either. There was this ninja-kid at my high school that loved to impress this group of girls with all his Amazing Holds of Doom. One day he asked if he could try something on me. He was a sort-of friend, so I obliged. Nothing. He tried another. Nothing. Three or four more and still nothing. I was left a little confused, and felt a little violated from all his groping.
Anyway, other than that, my body is either boring or perfectly constructed, because I can’t do anything abnormal with it.
I can crack both my ankles at will (too many ankle sprains).
I can crack my right knee most of the time (weak joint)
I can crack my right elbow most of the time (another injury)
I can make my right shoulder grind (rotator cuff injury)
I can also crack my neck, and my sternum. Yay for dodgy joints/bones!!!
Oh, and I can curl my tongue so I can whistle tunes through it 
Max
[ul]
[li] Various joint cracking (ankles, elbows, spine, neck)[/li][li] I can do Meros’s fun and annoying hand whistle, both with the palms cupped against each other and with the fingers interlaced (my own personal recorder). Not quite good enough to pull off a recognizable tune, though.[/li][li] I can roll a quarter down my knuckles and bring it back to the top with my thumb, or switch to my other hand.[/li][li] And, umm (how the heck do I describe this in text?) that thing where you pop your cheek with a finger and give a bit of a whistle so it sounds like a water drip.[/li]
And finally:
[li] Can go with very little sleep when odd threads pop up on message boards. :)[/li][/ul]
I have double jointed elbows - they bend in 3 different directions. Not at the same time of course. Makes it very difficult to play baseball or golf, as I cannot hold the bat/club correctly.
I can lay on the floor, raise my chest in the cobra position, then raise my legs so my feet are on my head. I look like a triangle!
I can lick my nose with my tongue - in fact, I can stick my tongue right up my right nostril 
But not the left nostril? And, what a charming skill that is. I bet it’s a big hit at dinner parties. :bleah!:
I’m going back to pondering what a lucky man Mr. Wonderland must be.
Hmm…how many others are reading this and attempting many of the “I can do…” things on these lists?
Think it through a bit more… :eek: :o 
I can vomit on command. When I was younger I used it to bail myself out of dangerous situations, just like how octopic squirt ink. Only vomit.
Vomit makes a very effective decoy, espeicall when used against elemtary-school bullies. Unfortunately the teachers didn’t find it very amusing.
I tried to be alice_in_wonderland. Somebody get me to a hospital.
When I pop my left ring finger, my elbow pops.
My ankles pop at will, hands-free. (My will, not my ankles’ will).
When my neck pops, someone invariably says: “Holy Crap, dude. Are you okay?” It does sound like I’m breaking into pieces. I’m sure it’s not good for me.
I like to hang CDs on my nipples and spin them around for others’ amusement. I have the perfect nipples for it. I spin the CDs, not the nipples, of course.
I can also do this cool thing with my ahem girly part, but it is better left unsaid.
You know, I was a little worried about posting in this thread earlier, because I knew for sure someone from my school would be in here reading it and I would get embarassed.
I surf to the MPSIMS this morning, and I see the last poster is B.Pants. Oh great. Here comes the embarassment. Everyone at school will think I’m a freak.
Saved!
I can make babies with my body!
I can move my eyes independantly I also can make every joint in my left foot pop at 1 time. Yep, surgery left my foot as a party favor.
and B.Pants?
As a female, I am in awe of your hidden talent, but I’m also DYING of curiosity. You must tell - If only so that I can tell Mr Vena and watch his ears turn red!
I can roll the sides of my tongue in and whistle through it. Makes a weird, low-pitched sort of sound.
I really feel that I need more freakish contortionist abilities, though, now that I’m reading you-all’s posts. I’m going to go practice bending and stretching things, now.
Auto Fellatio… it isn’t as fun as one would think.
I can also pick my nose and chase around mean people with booger fingers.
I can make my eyes go into seizures independently of each other. My right eye can be spazzing out all over the place, and my left eye can be spazzing the other direction. It’s cool when I can focus my eyes, then seizure them in a very direct pinpoint, then cross and double-cross my eyes. If I seizure my eyes and swing them way back in my head then collapse (all for shits and grins, of course) it really does look like I’m an epileptic or something.
I can tighten my neck, then crack it, and invariably at least ten bone-cracking snaps’ll happen. One time I took both hands and tightened them around my neck (like strangulation from the front) and then snapped it to the left, and about twenty cracks shot across my neck. Everybody went “WHOA!!”
I can twist and crack my back, then bend way back while cracking (like a bridge) and put my left leg around my right thigh, twisting my ankle so my foot is sitting on top.
Then I crack my neck, spazz my eyes, and I look like the Contortionist From Hell!
It’s cool.
Okay, I think I’m in love, here…