Type. I have to be absolutely paralytic, to the point where I can’t crawl into the bathroom by myself, before my typing ability goes away. Apparently I’m very silly but not outright nonsensical, since I’ve had a number of instant messanger conversations where I’ve actually had to inform the other participant that the fifth of scotch I bought that afternoon has already been put to good use.
Knit. I can also knit in the dark, without looking at what I’m doing, and – as I discovered this week – while taking heavy dental painkillers. It has to be a simple pattern that doesn’t require much counting, but this week’s blanket has come out fine.
Calculus. I’m not kidding. A couple of screwdrivers and I start doing math. This amuses my friends no end, especially since neither my previous undergrad degree nor this one have anything to do with mathematics at all.
I also have a disturbing tendency to sing while drunk. I can sing all right sober, but while I’m downing cocktails I’m in no shape to judge my audio output, so I couldn’t tell you if my ability decreases in inverse proportion to the number of drinks I’ve had.
I haven’t been seriously drunk for several years, but it was always the case that I could think straight while horribly drunk; that is to say, the inner, conscious ‘me’ remains almost completely lucid and rational, although not necessarily in control or able to express myself outwardly; often just watching in horror at the acts of gross stupidity that the outward ‘me’ is performing, or reeling in discomfort at the more unpleasant symptoms of drunkenness experienced.
Oddly, it isn’t the same if I’m only mildly inebriated; that does bring about a slight change in the way I think and perceive, all the way through, but when really, seriously drunk, I’m consciously stone cold sober on the inside.
I have been really seriously drunk in my time (not something I’m particularly proud of), but i never, ever forgot anything that I said or did, or was said or done to me whilst in that state - I have pretended loss of memory, but the inner, sober ‘me’ has never experienced it.
I can piss all over myself while emitting from my mouth a steady steam of vomit onto my shoes. I can do this much better, in fact, drunk than I ever could while sober.
Similar to the darts players and pseudotriton’s revelation, I must confess that while I talk shit pretty well when sober, the consumption of a half-dozen or so throat-ticklers boosts my skills to an incredible degree, to the point where I talk shit at a near-professional level.
And it’s not just me that enjoys this seemingly miraculous enhancement to these abilities: just last week in London, my wife and a couple of old friends hooked up in a restaurant and talked such a high degree of shit (IIRC that the stain on Monica Lewinsky’s dress indicated she didn’t swallow) that the young family at the next table to us got up and left.
I can also maintain my abilities with a grill. Some of the most exquisite steaks I’ve ever prepared have been while bombed to the point that I simply couldn’t leave the chair next to the grill.
I still perform heart surgery while drunk…
Hmm…
I sing when I’m drunk; never when I’m sober. The same goes for dancing.
I’m a better poker player the drunker I am (up to a certain point.) I find it’s much easier to bluff if I’m three sheets to the wind.
Some meals I’ve prepared after I’ve opened the wine far too early and the food usually turns out much better than expected, typically because I forget to measure spices and I use more garlic.
Back in high school, I fought much better drunk than sober. I was probably just less afraid when drunk, which meant I punched more openly and harder. Actually, my friends and I were really drunk when we had the first and only meeting of our “fight club.” I wasn’t able to fight, though; the meeting lasted for two punches before a nose became broken.
Yeah, that’s it. I don’t drink often enough to have a really entertaining list.
All I can do when drunk (actually, when under the effect of not enough alky to actually be drunk) is have a Huge Headache.
OTOH, a friend of mine had a course in Law School that he completely hated; it was supposed to involve reasoning (most Spanish Law courses are 99% memory) but the teacher’s reasoning and his own were backwards. He understood how the teacher thought - he just couldn’t bring himself to write it. So on the fourth try he went to the exam pissed enough to try line-dancing and got a B+
Lessee, golf and pool come to mind.
Something about taking the edge off and removing any hesitations.
I get diminishing returns after a point though.
Nobody mentioned fighting or boxing? Almost everyone I know is a world class fighter when shit-faced.
Flirting skills go through the roof too.
Oh. I can only write my name if I change it to “splat”.
My first hubby drove better drunk than many people do sober. Only, he’d be going about 120 mph along about then. I used to get out before it came to that.
Another vote for sex. I know they say alcohol messes up your sex drive, but I guess it also lowers you inhibitions and makes you less focused on every little detail of your life, which makes for good mindless sex.
I’m good at first-person shooter games while drunk, to a point.
