Paranoid delusions are awesome. Great ice breaker. 
But seriously, I find that I am the quiet one around the noisy-must-fill-the-air-with-words-all-the-time kind of people. (our son is one of them. One of my BF is definately one of them.) So I just lob comments out and they take them off and run with it, talking about themselves and the past or other people.
You can’t go wrong by being a good listener.
“What are you going to do this weekend?”
‘You know, I’m undecided. What are you planning? With this nice weather we’ve been having, I bet you’re off to enjoy it.’ OR ‘The weather has been so <word> lately, I plan to stay in and read, do a little laundry, maybe call my mother. Have you anything on, yourself?’
As the other person/s expound, smile and nod. Draw them out with questions about THEIR plans, and on Monday morning, ask them how things worked out for them. Ask like you care. And listen like you care lots. Then smile like you’re happy for them.
Most people will give you a short answer, because they think you don’t really care and are just being polite in asking. Don’t take this to mean they need to be drawn out. Ask a question if you like, then let things drop if they don’t open up.
If you remember the conversation for later, say someone went to a ball game last weekend and coworker #2 mentions the game, you can score points by mentioning something #1 said: “Tom attended the game / watched it on tv and he thought X …
you might want to discuss it with him …” It’s not about you, it’s about you being friendly and letting the others do their thing. And you can escape during the subsequent, “How about them Rangers?” chitchat!
Just about everyone has said you should cultivate being friendly and letting the other person/s do the talking. People love to expound on Any Topic, almost as much as they like being asked for advice:)
an seanchai
If it’s true, that, “everything you’re ever going to be, you’re currently in the process of becoming”, then you need to reflect on what it is you’re becoming by shunning new experiences and social engagements.
tschild is absolutely right, you should work toward changing, this aspect of your nature, while you are still young and somewhat rubbery. It will not get easier as you get older, you may come to regret not making an effort.
No one is saying you should take up bungee jumping or become a social butterfly, just look hard at where you’re headed, is all. If you don’t want to be shut off from life, especially so young, you need to challenge yourself, face some fears, be bold and daring. Just an opinion.
This is pretty much all you need. Oh, and TV shows, I guess. When I worked in an office, I would watch TV shows just so I could chat about them with my coworkers.
As someone who does get out a lot, and has lots of hobbies, I’ve found that those things, rather than make me seem interesting or fun to my coworkers, made me seem weird. For instance, I used to volunteer as a docent at the Field Museum (Chicago’s natural history museum) on the weekends and when I told people at work about it, they mostly seemed to act like that was a bizarre thing to do. Why on earth would anyone want to do that?
YMMV, I guess, depending on the kind of people you work with.
I’ve never gotten out much and I don’t really watch movies or television. I do have hobbies but with the exception of my dogs and garden they aren’t hobbies anyone else I know has. I either keep my mouth shut, talk about what other people are doing, or bore them* by talking about concepts and what I’ve read.
If you don’t have any friends with non-active interests in common with you, try to find some. Book clubs if you read novels, etc.
*not always
:rolleyes: THAT sounds like an interesting way to spend time. I’m really surprised to hear it went over like a lead balloon with those people, though I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise. That’s the problem I faced years ago when I went into work Monday morning. “So what was your weekend like, Sali?” “Well, I read a non-fiction book about the Plague. Then I did my stint as a social activities assistant at a nursing home, and Sunday night cooked and froze a vat of spaghetti sauce made from a bushel of tomatoes from the farmers market.” … Silence…“Oh.” Followed by tales of downing flaming shots at a bar, how the drinker barely made it home at 5 a.m., and what a couple of giggling skanks had to say at same bar. Oh, and lots of discussion about The Game. (what game? I didn’t even know what sport, much less there was The Game on.) Different strokes, I guess. … Better to ask them about their weekend, listen politely, smile and nod, and then get on with work.
I didn’t fit in in that office for a lot of reasons. That I liked dinosaurs enough to spend my weekends talking to kids about them was only one of many things that make me a bit of an office freak.
For the most part, young, unmarried people tend to go out drinking or socializing on the weekends. Married people tend to do household stuff or stuff involving the kids.
A lot of people are also into watching or playing sports.
Now to each their own, but if you want to have a conversation with someone, it’s usually better to talk about THEIR interests, not yours.
I am pretty much like you - throughout my life I have either had not much going on in my life, or I was involved in stuff that I was not willing to talk about in a workplace environment for fear of being marked as a deviant, or that I would just have to explain too much.
So I would try to find a common topic or topics of discussion with each individual - their family, hobby or sport maybe. When people ask you what you are going to do on the weekend, be honest. “Not much, just stay at home and read.” Nothing wrong with that.
I seem to be missing something here. Each person in a conversation should be trying to steer the topic towards the other persons interests and away from their own?
Kyla makes a good point. If your stuff is too interesting people will just think you’re strange. Likewise, few people really want to hear much about your travel; it’s too unfamiliar or something.
You will hardly ever get both people doing this. Usually it will be the other way round. It’s pretty safe advice, but in such a case you can take turns.
Say whatever you have to say in a new accent everyday. It will make up for the low quantity. You may be asked to repeat yourself many times if the accent is hard enough to understand.
Talk to people in ones and two’s instead of a large group. This allows to to say the same thing a number of times without being told you said that already.
Talk about things around the work property you observed. You should leave out stuff that will get you fired.
I worked with a few freaks. One often sang children’s nursery rhymes at work. This guy was a freak and I tried to stay away from him. An obsession with dinosaurs would just get an Oh God not dinosaurs again reaction. Acting like a dinosaur would be freak material. Having your teeth sharpened, face implanted and tattooing done to look like a dinosaur would be super freak material and qualify you for a circus or fetish porn career.
Make up stories about being a superspy.
You can’t control what other people do. But yes, when you are having a conversation with someone, you should be doing less pontificating about your interests and more asking about theirs.
Alternately:
“What did you do this weekend?”
“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
It does, right?
Also good ones to use are the Ship of Perseus and the Swampman thought experiments.
OP, you might want to stay away from the TMI ones. Those might make the awkward silences even more awkward. 
Maybe this is a weird suggestion, but I suggest joining Toastmaster’s. Many companies have them, and most of the people in my Toastmaster’s group don’t watch TV. But they always have lots to say.
Or more likely too boring; if framed as ‘travel’ rather than ‘holiday/vacation’ then pretentious as well.
I’m going to echo others in that you probably need to be doing more outside activities.
Understand that what you’re doing indoors isn’t wrong. But you don’t seem happy. You’re literally at a loss to hold a conversation about your life because you find it boring or think others will find it boring or you are embarrassed by it. If that’s really the case…go do something!
I know, I know, easier said than done. There’s a whole host of suggestions on what you can do in the wide wild world out there and they won’t all disrupt what you wish to do inside your own home as well.
But you’re clearly not content with your life as it is, so decide to make a few small changes and see how they go.
My advice is to make it a point to try something new, or something you’ve always wanted to do. Make it a point to mention it if asked, but try and spruce it up in a way that sounds interesting to people, ie
“I went to the beach, and saw what distinctively looked like two naked chicks frolicking in the water. I tried to act all casual about walking closer to get a better look, but they had already dressed by the time I got close.”
vs
“I went to the beach because I read in a book on Forensics your coprse tends to get found faster in open areas and if I died alone over the weekend I didn’t want the first person to find me be the landlord due to rent being overdue”