What commercials drive you insane?

Cafe Society
21

There’s a commercial for this CD full of stupid kiddie songs, and it must be 2 minutes long. They play samples of almost every friggin’ song on the cd - “London Bridges”, “Here We Go Loopy-Loo” (or whatever it’s called), “Where Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone”, etc.

Every damn song has the same group of maybe 20 kids singing, and it’s just the same droning over and over. I bolt for the remote when it comes on.

That stupid Glade Scented Oil commercial. Hate it. “Shut it off, shut it off!”

And of course, that horrid Cottenelle commercial, with the roll of toilet paper portrayed by a fake British female voice. I’d rather hear that type of British accent used for the finer things in commercials, not a stupid roll of toilet paper imploring you to “use” her. Why not just have the voice come right out and say,
[fake British accent]
“Dear Sir or Madam: Please tear off a piece of me, jam me between your boo-tocks, and smear me with your feces.”
-or-
“Please drag me between your labia until I am soaked with urine.”
[/fake British accent]

22

The antismoking commercials with those smug guys supposedly confronting and embarrassing tobacco executives. I smoke and I’d love to pay a visit to WholeTruth with a baseball bat.

Any commercial with a sports player in it because I don’t like any professional sports and am real tired of sports people showing up everywhere.

That bear doing his business in the woods toilet paper commercial! Rank!

YES! That car commercial also with the suited little kid, looking somehow foreign, like maybe Italian, or English, whispering zoom-zoom. I dislike the song too!

Any psychic (psy-SICK) commercial, but especially those by that Jamaican gibbering Miss Cleo. She has a laugh that is more like the bray of a jackass. Ever noticed that?

Any commercial displaying white guys as pot bellied, dull, stupid, single-minded morons, usually interested only in sports and beer. There was one with some guy with a big pot in a brightly colored short, stupid shorts, shoes and socks, ponderously dancing around to some idiotic song.

Every social security death benefit supplementary insurance commercial.

23

Sprite’s been really bad recently. I can tell the demographic they’re going for, but do they have to alienate everyone else?

“Obey your thirst” was fine.

The pretentious bad amateur rap is awful. I think I’ve seen 3 of these now, and it’s like a train wreck.

The one about winning rocketcash a little while ago always made me mute the tv. You know the one, with the “cool” kid drinking sprite, and his HUGE ugly mother comes home and starts nagging him about how he’ll never get anywhere just “sittn ‘roun drinkin’ Sprite ah day!” Her voice made my cats run out of the room.

24

Have you seen the Martin Short promos on A&E?

All of them are creepy but at least his other targets make sense But the one about Abraham Lincoln.

“Four score and seven years ago…blah, blah, blah. I bet that’s how you thought I sounded. (shifts into a ridiculous accent)In fact I was some much more casual than that…I always wanted to be…a dancer!”

Right. …liberty., blah, blah, blah…all men created equal, blah, blah, blah.
A SPEECH CONSECRECRATING GROUND TO FALLEN SOLDIERS.
Yeah, just the right subject for your showbiz humor, Martin. Fuck you, Martin.

25

I am not even sure of the product, it might be for jeans. But the commercial shows these no talent goobers one at a time on a stage singing “Karma Chameleon”. Not only is that a crappy song, but the actors are singing it out of tune, flat and sound so irritating.

26

>And of course, that horrid Cottenelle commercial, with the >roll of toilet paper portrayed by a fake British female >voice.

I knew there were commercials I was forgetting. A few years back a toilet paper company actually ran an ad featuring cartoon women quilting toilet paper that boasted their brand produced less lint. What possessed them to make this a point in the ad? Were people writing letters? For whom is butt lint a major concern?

27

Almost every local advertisement is painful to watch. There is a reason big companies hire big advertising agencies: They know what they are doing! Why would anyone assume that they know how to write and produce a commercial that’s worth a damn.

A couple examples:

Tires Unlimited: Local tire guy has his remarkably ugly kids working in his tire store. Ends with some joke about someone calling and asking for him to brink home a carton of milk. Ha, his wife called him at work. That’s some funny shit.

Some windshield place: This one is even worse. There’s some old lady (probably about 70 years old) standing there for one shot, probably about 30 seconds, pitching windshield replacement. The only technical work in it is the word “FREE” flashing at the bottom of the screen. If you don’t have a big advertising budget, stick to newspapers!

As far as nationwide ad campaigns go:

The Truth: Back off, you misinformed tobacco nazis. Leave those poor bastards at Philip Morris alone, they’re just trying to make a living by providing millions of people with a product that they really want to purchase.

Pepsi: That pepsi girl is NOT cute. She is NOT funny, and more importantly, she is NOT an actress (has anyone seen that pile of crap movie “Beautiful”?) The voiceover stuff sucked, and the new stuff with her sucks even more. That commercial from a few months ago with Einstein contemplating the dillemma of having to choose between Coke and Pepsi? Gimme a fucking break.

Taco Bell: That dog kicked ass for about 3 commercials. Then he get real boring. The new campaign is even worse. Just do like the other restaurants: show the product, explain the product, show the logo, have a nice day.

Cingular: Or something like that. If you’ve seen the commercials, you know how boring they are.

Cleo: Maybe I’m out of line here, but I hate that bitch with a passion. How dare she invade my home during every commercial break from every show to pitch her tarot reading abilities. And that fake accent is supposed to make her more believable? Oh, she’s from Jamaica, of course she’s got magical psychic abilities! Someone needs to put a voodoo curse on her tarot-reading ass.

The Wazzup guys: Yeah, it was funny. Once. Now it’s not. It’s that simple. I do sort of like the “what are you doing” ad though.

That’s all I can think of now, but I’m sure as soon as I get home and turn on the TV, there will be 100,000 more examples.

28

Well, they all suck, except most ESPN commercials, but are my worst:

#2 The Ortho-Tricyclen commercial-

In particular, the part where the third blond interrupts with, “and just look at my skin.” “Oh how fantastic!! We all use the same birth control WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!” . . . . . Shut up!

#1 The PSA where the kid shoots Omar.

I can’t really say much about this without offending people and being really insensitive.

29

Anything with a digitally-created (or enhanced) talking baby. You know–the ones where the oh-so-cute real-life kid has an animated mouth and a grown up voice. Maybe it was cute or creative or innovative the first time it was done, but enough already!

30

…because, you see, I’ve just been biding my time until I had the proper forum to complain about my biggest commercial pet peeve of all time. :smiley:

It has to do with the pets.com commercials. Yes, I know that pets.com went out of business, so they’re not on anymore, but dang it, when they were on, they annoyed the crap out of me. Do you remember these? With the sock puppet holding the microphone? There was one where he was ringing an apartment buzzer incessantly, and saying “I have an appointment to play with the tabby cat”?

OK…that’s not the part that annoys me. Actually, I thought that the commercials themselves were golden. It was the very end that would always get me. You see, pets.com was pushing this concept that you needed to shop for pet products online (here’s the annoying part) “because pets can’t drive”.

WAKE UP, GENIUSES!! Pets can’t surf the fookin’ internet either.

Grrrrrr…

31

There’s a local automobile dealer Maxie Price…every commercial ends with “They’re dancing in Monroe and Loganville”. And the tune sticks in your head all day long.

Any commercial for a “Cash Advance” or “Payday Loan” company that starts with someone thinking about all that they have to pay for…then “Wait!! Wanda told me about this great place. All I have to do is write them a check, and they’ll give me cash until payday”. They’re just lame.

On a side note, I saw someone today wearing a “Make 7…Up Yours” t-shirt today, and I just grinned. :smiley:

32

The Toyota TV Guy makes me crazy. I’m not sure I’ve ever hated an ad campaign as much as I hate that one (not counting, of course, the Pepsi girl). I was way too happy when they started running the “TV Guy’s funeral” ads, although having to look at other TV People was just as bad. Now it turns out they’re running “TV Guy in Heaven” ads, which are both annoying and patently untrue as we all know that TV Guy would go straight to the darkest bowels of Hell. At least he would if I was in charge of these things. And I should be.

33

The Viagra commercial where the guy changes clothes about a jillion times before going to the doctor. What’s up with that? Does he have a medical appointment or a date?

There’s a local (I think) tire store commercial where the point is that you can return tires. It shows someone made up to look like a “little old lady” heaving a tire thru their plate glass window. Now, how do you think they would react if someone actually did return a tire that way? “Sorry, your warranty is void because you deliberately damaged your tire with glass shards.”

I know there are more, but that’s all for now.

By the way, I heard recently they are bringing by Joe Subaru!

34

ALL prescription drug ads. Lots about the “good” effects, a dismissive list of some of the “bad” effects (some patients may experience shortness of breath, stomach distress, or death), and a referral to buy some magazine to read the two pages of 6-point type of all the side effects, contra-indications, etc.

Most of us lay-folk are not qualified to make a decision about what Rx to take, and I bet it really bugs doctors to have patients coming in and demanding such-and-such a drug because it had a good TV ad.

35

I have to say that the worst commercials I see are for a local furniture/bedding store. I have noticed a trend, though. If a store sells furniture, and they have TV ads, the TV ads will be lame. Anyway,

The commercials are for Resnick’s Mattress Outlet. They are all over New York and southern Vermont. The commercials are lame. The owner, in pajamas, doing bad 80’s white rap, or water-skiing on a mattress, flying on a mattress, driving a mattress, etc…

Also, the video quality is so bad. I know my video camera at home has better quality. Plus, he has to point to spots on the screen where words pop up, and he NEVER points to where the words are. Granted, he doesn’t know where the words will be, but they are put there AFTER the video is shot. It’s like whatever half-assed teeneage audio-video club member put the words there made them in the wrong place to spite this guy. I know I would.

36

The ones that really set my teeth on edge are the ones where they try to play on my emotions and connect their product to some positive, nostalgic image. See every Fred Meyer commercial ever. Those bastards!!! Pant, pant. Sorry. I really hate those.

Currently, it’s the Pillsbury frickin’ bread-in-a-can commercials. The tag line is “From my heart to yours” or some such drivel. Yes, that’s so sweet. Merry Christmas, I love you. Here, have some crappy biscuits I just popped out of a can and threw in the over. Because I love you That Much. Honestly, I think they truly believe that they can connect any product to any positive emotion with no rhyme or reason. It’s not long until we see a member of a loving family get up from Thanksgiving dinner to use the bathroom that’s well stocked with Cotonelle. Damn it.

37

The College Foundation of North Carolina: This one features children gyrating around computer-generated images, web site addresses, college names, etc. I’m still trying to figure out the point.

Any commercial for “Survivor.”

Glade: One commerical of theirs from the early ‘90s that I really hated featured children singing "How’d ya get those flowers in there? Glade Potpourii is freshnin’ the air!"

Kroger: Specifically, their radio commercials. This lady is singing in a VERY high-pitched voice, “There’s a GREAT way to save at your Kroger store, starting with a CARD that always gives you more.” The full song lasts close to two minutes.

38

bouv!

I know that guy! He started his business in the city I grew up in (Newburgh, NY-- as far as I know, that’s where the first store was). I think my family still has to watch his ads, 'cause he still has a store in the area.

I went to junior high with his daughter (though she moved away before we finished), and I used to wonder what it must be like to be 13 years old and have all your friends seeing your dad dance in his jammies on TV. Not to mention the billboard featuring him in cartoon form, with a head thrice the size of his body.

39

I only saw this commercial once but I think it’s worth mentioning. It was for a little golfing/putting range that you play while you’re sitting on the toilet…and they show all these men and women sitting on the toilet all smiles playing it. It’s a total K-Tel/Weedwacker/Didi-7 style of commercial. At first I thought it was a SNL skit but it was dead serious.

I also want to second the Spawn of Satan Children sing-a-long that someone mentioned. I especially hate the snotty kid with the chef’s hat that comes on during the muffin man song.

All McCain commercials are horrid (I think they only show in Canada). A couple of years ago my roomate and I were wasted and wrote an e-mail to them complaining about how bad their ads were…particularly the Pizza Pops ones. We really layed into them and then 2 months later they put out a new ad for Pizza Pops with all these hip kids standing around eating them and saying “Man…what’s with those stupid commercials.” The tagline was “Old commercial gone…Old box gone…Same great taste.” Coincidence? I think not.

40

Every major metropolitan area has a business that is universally despised for their obnoxious television commercials.

In Buffalo, it was Pat Gambino Ford, a “legitimate business” whose ads now made me cringe when I hear Buffalo accents. (“Hi Maahm! Ninety-nine down, ninety-nine uh munt!”)

Rochester has Jim “The Hammer” Shapiro, a screaming lawyer who talks about severing heads and bleeding scumbags dry. Call 1-800-546-77-77 for a free appointment!

Denver has Dealin’ Doug, a car dealer who wears a ring in every one of his fat little fingers.

Here in Orlando, I’m beginning to think the Appliances Direct commercials are the worst – an Asian girl in a room filled with refrigerators screams “APPLIANCES DIRECT!” IF YOU BOUGHT APPLIANCES ANYWHERE ELSE, YOU PAID TOO MUCH! APPLIANCES DIRECT!" Her father then comes on the screen, and says pretty much the same thing, from the roof of EVERY DAMN STORE THEY HAVE. The commercials are about a minute or so long.