What commercials drive you insane?

Cafe Society
41

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Shadesofgreen6 *

Any commercial displaying white guys as pot bellied, dull, stupid, single-minded morons, usually interested only in sports and beer. There was one with some guy with a big pot in a brightly colored short, stupid shorts, shoes and socks, ponderously dancing around to some idiotic song.

[QUOTE]

Usually, in those commercials, the pot-bellied, dull, stupid, single-minded moronic white guys have attractive, thin, intelligent Homecoming Queen-type wives.

Yup. Umm hmm.

42

Oh sweet Jesus…I hated those with a passion. “Oh look, a thing! It’s a stuffed thing!!!” SHUT UP! I laughed my ass off when I heard they went bankrupt (then I felt bad, because they donated all their unsold animal food to Best Friends pet sanctuary, oh well!)

The latest one that is absolutely foul is a commercial for a local car dealership. (I know, I know…those are SUPPOSED to be bad) but this one seriously takes the cake! It’s the third in a series so far that I know of, where a “newscaster” reports of breaking news at the car dealership. The first one is semi-amusing…the president’s motorcade is stopping at the car lot to check out the deals, and shows the reporter swarming with secret servicemen…then second commercial is the usual stupidity: “aliens have landed at Fremont Ford seeking the best deal in the galaxy!” or something like that (Not sure if that’s the dealership or not…aren’t they all the same?!) But the most recent one is 100% evil. The “newscaster” reports that there are possibly spies in the Bay Area and they cut to the car showroom where there are two pathetic women in faux-MOD dresses gyrating to 60’s music, and some pitiful 50-year-old guy wearing a velvet suit, beatle wig and hornrimmed glasses says “swinging, baby, YEAH!” The worst part is, they actually put at the bottom of the screen “celebrity images impersonated” ROFL! No shit? I thought that fat, old fart was really Mike Meyers!!! DUHHHH! I about fell out of my chair at that one! Oy! They always seem to show these commercials during the Simpsons…not fair!

43

I just had to explain to my co-workers why I was laughing so hard with tears in my eyes. Darn you, Dire Wolf!:smiley:

44

What is it with feminine hygiene products being graphically advertised right when I decide to eat supper? D’you know what that does to the taste of anything with tomato sauce on it?

Same with those commercials about stinky feet products. They have all day to show those things but seem to target the times I settle down to enjoy a meal. Hemorrhoidal medication commercials don’t go well with cheese whiz. Ever sprinkle Parmesan cheese on something and grab a bite just when they get all graphic about stinky feet? Parm cheese is a bit strong anyhow, but those commercials just blow it for a while.

It’s either those or the ever popular disposable diaper commercials.

45

I just hate it when I’m in the car listening to the radio (about the only place I do this) and a commercial comes on with sound effects like a siren, or blowing car horns, screeching tires, etc. Always have to look around to see what calamity is about to befall me.

I’m generally against censorship (after all, one of my presets is the home station of “Lex and Terry”) - but when it comes to traffic sounds, especially sirens, I favor an outright ban.

46

That nasty irritating bastard who advertises for Glosettes before movies !!!

I used to love Glosette raisins (and still do) but I cannot buy that as to do so would lend support to that festering ball of maggot droppings!!!

47

By far the commercial I hate the most is the one with
Baxter the cat, meow meow meow, Someone should deduct
all 9 lives from that little phone dialing furball.

48

Okay, it’s Poysyn in the clever disguise of my mom. I hate this commercial

“Hello. It’s Patrick, he just took out life insurance…”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

49

There is a relatively new pill out that treats yeast infections. Now, that’s all well and good, but for the tagline, they chose “Kiss your creams goodbye!” All I can say is “Eewwwww”. (For those who don’t know, the other option for treating this type of infection is a messy…um…“topical” cream. Juxtapose that with kissing, and you see my point.)

50

They start off with a stupid premise or generalites, and you don’t even know what kind of product it is.
You have to wait until the very end to hear that, and then they rush it, so you can’t possibly remember the name, or connect it with anything.

51

Shudder… those kinds of things always make me think of “Demon Seed.” “I LIVE!”

I have to second a few of the ones mentioned here- Carl’s Jr. being the commercial which turns my stomach most of all. Someone already mentioned the Karaoke “Our Town” commercials too.

In American commercials, I would have to vote for those $#%#@ “Boing” commercials. It just seems to me that here is the “It’s cool! Buy it!” philosophy in its purest form. What kind of shoe is it? How is it supposed to be an improvement over any other shoe? Does it even look cool? Does the shoe even go “boing”? No- the shoe has nothing going for it except the fact that every time I turn around, I see the word “boing” or hear that horrible “jowng jowng jowng” sound. Around here, half the buses have Boing ads on them! It’s like the way Strom Thurmond keeps getting elected- he just saturates the media with so many ads that no one can think of anything but his dessicated self. And then there’s the “Buh… Oing… Buhoing” Sesame Street ripoff. It seems to me that some corporate pinhead decided that the strategy for this quarter would be to design some shoe to look distinctive, and then to make an overwhelming ad campaign to convince everyone that they had to have the kind of shoe that only Nike produces (for the moment, anyway- next year all the shoe companies will no doubt be making them.) (You might ask how this differs from the old “Just Do It” ads. The difference is that the old ads were more entertaining to watch, and I didn’t have to hear that horrible sound. Shudder… Mr. Nike should be locked in solitary as that sound plays on an endless loop.)

I also have a real beef with emotionally manipulative commercials, which, oddly enough, seem to be most common on the radio. Much as I sympathize with what they’re trying to accomplish, if I’m having a particularly nice day I don’t want to hear a saccharine recording of “I love you mommy! I love you daddy!” followed by “Little Michael Wilson… killed by a drunk driver.” It’s just plain creepy and, FYI, I don’t even drink, nor do I use WildestBill’s Mexican Fat Burners. These radio ads to go rather elaborate lengths: “Mike Smith and Tina Jones. They fell in love in high school. They waited about getting married until they graduated. Then they waited until they graduated from college. Then they waited until they graduated from graduate school. Then, before they could get married, they were killed… by a drunk driver.” Excuse me, but isn’t the clear moral here that “he who hesitates is lost”?

The worst example of this was a British TV commercial which showed a woman crying as she watched a videotape of her daughter. She would watch a few seconds of “I love you mommy!”, rewind, and watch it over and over again while sobbing uncontrollably and muttering “Oh, love, I’m so sorry” to her television. The screen (mine, not hers) then switches to a picture of a smoke detector as the voice-over intones, “It’s easier to replace a battery.”

I mean, criminy! Isn’t this taking things a little far? Yes, people should put batteries in their smoke detectors. But try this on for size:

The scene: a fancy restaurant. A clean cut yuppie couple sits chatting when suddenly a waiter arrives with a tray covered with one of those silver dome covers. “Oh, our steak is here!” Suddenly the waiter whips off the cover to reveal… a dripping, bloody five pounds of greasy arterial plaque!

What, you don’t like my idea for a commercial? Don’t you know that meat kills more people than faulty smoke detectors?

I think the worst commercial of all time might be the billboard ad that the local pro-lifers ran in Providence, RI for a while. It was a picture of a pretty little political footb- I mean, a little girl, who was missing an arm. It turns out that the girl was the result of a horribly botched illegal abortion, which is why she’s being presented as a potent symbol of the need to outlaw abortion. :rolleyes:

-Ben

52

There are lots of commercials I hate others have mentioned already, but I just have to vent my spleen anyway. Sorry for any redundancy.

One - the Mickey Rooney commericals from Garden State life. I hate seeing a once-great actor like Rooney brought down to the point where he has to shill life insurance. It just hurts. I wish I had a million bucks to just give him so he could retire with dignity.

Two - Miss Cleo the Psychic. How the heck does tarot over the phone work, anyway? My understanding of the art was the subject has to draw from the deck for the thing to be effective. Whenever she comes on, I put on my best Islands accent (not hard since my family is from around there) and do the following routine:

Announcer: What does the future hold for you?
Me-as-Cleo: “De cards be sayin’ dat you gon be losin’ some money soon, sugah… cuz’ after you don talk ta me, ya phone bill gon be higher dan de national deficit.”

Speaking of which, do the victi–err, callers even get to speak to her or just some Cleo minion?

Three: The Sprite Rap commericals. If someone got up in my face and started spouting off like that for no reason… arrgh.

Four: The Phillip Morris Smoking commericals. They are so hypocritical. None of them ever say “don’t smoke because it kills you” Instead, they imply kids should be able to choose. Think about it. All the kids shown do variants of the following:

“Like, I thought about it, and said I didn’t want to, you know.” or “Why don’t I… because of my [insert trite noun here]”

It makes it sound like it’s OK for kids to smoke if they think on it hard enough. I thought the point of the settlment ehich gave rise to the ads was to actually deter them from lighting up.

Five: Anything with the Riddler (err, I mean Matthew Lesko) in it. He just has that ability to subconciously irk me.

(I swear he shot that commercial in front of the capitol-looking building on the sly–

Look at the right and left edges of the picture. On TVs with a wide enough screen, you will see slightly rounded edges on the corners of the shot. Was this shot through a pinhole camera as Matthew pranced in front of the waterfront and scampered clumsily up the courthouse(?) stairs?)

53

Any, and I mean ANY, ad that has a ‘grabber’ a telephone ringing in it.

Bastards.

Are you trying to piss me off? Are you purposely trying to make me look foolish? Because it does, and pissing me off and making me look like a fool isn’t conducive to selling me on your product.

I’d sooner lick my cats ass then buy your product. And believe me, my cat’s ass is none too appetizing.

There’s one running now where I live that has a phone ringing in it that sounds exactly like my cell phone. I’ll be doing something around the apartment and hear the ‘Doodle-loodle-loot’ tone and make a beeline for my cell. Instead of finding someone on the other end, I find myself standing in the middle of my apartment talking into a dead phone saying, “Hello? HELLO?”

54

Those damn Matthew Lesko commercials - you know, the screeching nasal voice telling you how the government has billions of dollars just waiting for you? The guy w/ the question marks all over his suit (and wtf is that for?)

But here’s the catcher - with your purchase not only do you get his books, but you get a 6-hour audiotape.

Can you imagine listening to that guy for 6 hours? My god, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemies…(well, ok, maybe I would, now that I think about it)

C.

55

Guilt trip commercials like ring around the collar,dandruff shampoo and gas medicine. They make it sound like if your shirt collar isn’t sparkling white,you have a few flakes of dandruff or fart in public that you are sub-human.

Unfortunately this type of advertising has proven to be extremely effective.

56

lots of bad ones mentioned, but you haven’t had to deal with AFN (Armed Forces Network). they broadcast the american shows to the troops overseas and replace the comercials with info bits. it gets real old real fast, like 20 or more ways to tell us the differance between a general and specific POA. makes one miss the real comercials.

57

Here in Minnesota on 93.7 105.1 and sometimes 94.5 these two punks “Dave and Eumie” own a place called “Wedding Day Jewelers”. Just Eumies voice drives me up the wall…that and his name is Eumie. I’m probably spelling it wrong, it’s pronounced “You-me”.

58

AT&T International long distance … shows a woman doing everyday things, and a male voice saying how much he likes it when she (flosses, breathes with her mouth open, etc.) - what is this guy … a stalker?? And if it is International, how does he know WTF she is doing?

59

Anne Murray. The saccharine bitch can’t sing, and chooses to whine out the most appalling dreck to prove it. And she does it while I’m trying to watch cartoons, dammit! She’s one of the best advertisements I’ve ever seen for TiVo or ReplayTV–you can skip her damn commercials.

What demographic are they aiming at, anyway? Presumably, the majority of the viewers for Cartoon Network (gimme a break, it’s the only place I can get my animé fix right now) are too young to legally order something from a TV ad without parental permission. Do they really expect the kids to go beg Mommy and Daddy to order a disc of bad gospel music?

60

Alas, as there will always be more commercials made, the dead horse lives again…

You’re in luck! Personally, I thought the pepsi-girl theater announcements were more witty than what they had before (some corny CGI roller-coaster thing) but, starting in a few weeks, the Pepsi Girl will be out of the theaters.

(I think somebody on the SDMB (damned if I remember who) lives near the Pepsi Girl, and says she actually hates the commercials also…and who can blame her?)

There are two commercials that are so repulsive that I am literally forced to change the channel whenever they come on. At first, I wasn’t so fast, but now my timing has gotten so good that I can spot the commercials within the first ½ second of the commercial, reach for the remote, and change the channel before my TV can be plagued with those abominations. I also refuse to buy these products because that would be enforcing the crappy advertising.

Which commercials are those? I’ll tell you:

  • That goddamn “Zesty” commercial, or the even worse incarnation, the “we will rock you” commercial. First of all, who do they think they’re fooling with that cheap voice dub for the supermodel? Second, not only is this commercial a “stupid guy/supermodel” commercial, that seems to be its ONLY SELLING POINT, and there’s really NO JOKE whatsoever besides “Ha, stupid men, you go girl, GIRL POWER YEAH!” Don’t make me vomit.

Has anyone else seen the new Doritos commercial with the supermodel who goes to the tennis court, dumps a bag of Doritos into the auto-ball-feeder, attempts to catch it in her mouth, but gets smacked onto the floor by a flying dorito? That commercial gets me to laugh every time. And it totally caught me off-gaurd the first time I saw it. Take that, supermodel!

  • Carl’s Jr. commercials. I refuse to watch these. I change the channel whenever they come on. Jesus Christ, does this make ANYONE want to buy food at Carl’s Jr.!?

slurrrrrrrrrrrrp

crunch crunch crunch

gulp

slurrp

If it wasn’t for the fact that I can instinctively change the channel within ½ second, I’d be forced to hurl a shoe at the TV. I shouldn’t need to explain the horridness of those commercials.

Anyway, your posts reminded me of some other gut-wrenchers:

  • The tape of the kids singing songs. Hello? They want me to PAY THEM to hear a bunch of squealing kids? I’ve got a 13-year-old sister, I get enough of that, thank-you-very-much. It reminds me of a great Simpsons moment; Otto the bus driver with a tape called “Songs to annoy bus drivers.”

“Sheesh, why’d I even buy this tape!?”

  • The birth control commercial with the 3 or 4 ditzes talking about how great it is that their birth control pill gives them pretty faces. Every time I see that commercial, I have to do an MST3K voice-over; “Tee hee! I’m such a whore!”

  • 1-800-COLLECT, 1-800-CALL-ATT, they’re all the same. Not only are the ad campaigns exactly the same (someone starts to dial a phone, some annoying jackass stops them and demands that they dial the correct collect number) but every commercial in both campaigns is exactly the same. I saw one recently that really REALLY got on my nerves; in the commercial, some guy was apparently convinced by the aforementioned annoying jackass to make a collect call FROM HOME to be a “kind, loving boyfriend.” I wish I could say this was an SNL mockery. Pay for the fucking call yourself, dumbass.

sigh

On a lighter note:

Bwahahahahah! I laughed for a few minutes after reading this one. Can I use it as my (as of yet nonexistant) sig?

That also reminds me of the toilet paper commercial with the animated bears in the woods. Umm, what? “It’s the toilet paper bears use to shit on?” Yeah, whatever.