I’ve only seen this one in the past 2 weeks or so, and I cannot change the station quickly enough when it comes on.
It’s a Hardee’s ad (Carl Jr.'s in other parts of the country I guess). The horror begins with an off-screen voice singing “Why so glum, my gym-shorted chum?” The gym-shorted chum is a morbidly obese high school boy who’s complaining about how “I’ll never make the track team.” The off-screen voice sings about how he’ll surely make the team by eating Hardee’s roast beef sandwiches and eating their biscuits. It ends with the boy singing “Yeeessss, I CAAAANNNNN!” and then promptly falling over a hurdle.
Why they think this would encourage me to eat a Hardee’s roast beef sandwich, I don’t know.
Wait, wait, wait. While the ad may or may not be stupid, I think you missed the joke; he didn’t forget he bought a new car. He feels that his new car is so stylish that he wants to pat himself on the back a little, by asking his wife “Who’s car is that?”. She groans, having been through the routine several times.
Haha, Bob. We have him here in CT, as well, and he’s kind of a local fixture; I’m not sure where his first stores were, but his ads have been around for, sheeeit, going on 10 years or so, and they’ve always been that bad. You know, him spouting a catchphrase, cheesy “local ad”-styled video effects, talking couches, bad stop-motion animation, the whole works. I think he must be in on the joke by now, because he could surely afford real advertisements (his stores are popping up all over, so he must be doing well). I think we should relish the fact that amazingly crappy ads like these can still get airplay.
…the karaoke jeans (Levis?) commercial. Listening to someone singing really badly is supposed to make me want to run out and buy pants? If I hurt myself rushing in from the other room and lunging for the remote to turn this off, can I sue the company?
…pretty much any commercial (TV or radio) that gets played over and over and over again. The stupidity annoyance factor increases exponentially with each successive viewing. Even if it was a reasonable commercial the first time, it gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again.
…the karaoke jeans (Levis?) commercial. Listening to someone singing really badly is supposed to make me want to run out and buy pants? If I hurt myself rushing in from the other room and lunging for the remote to turn this off, can I sue the company?
…pretty much any commercial (TV or radio) that gets played over and over and over again. The stupidity annoyance factor increases exponentially with each successive viewing. Even if it was a reasonable commercial the first time, it gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again. It gets really old hearing the same thing over and over again.
Bastard! I was eating a pretzel when I read this, and I damn near choked to death from laughter!
Two more commercials I just saw:
The latest McDonalds one, featuring Mom and her dipshit son in the front of a rollercoaster, screaming their freaking heads off, complete with sub-titles. Very annoying, but I watch it anyway. I keep hoping to see a happy ending, where the car derails and they both plunge to their deaths. Heh, now you two can scream for real.
There’s another commercial for some type of product for constipation, of all things. You see this woman trying to close her jeans, but she can’t because her belly is sticking out so far. When you stop to think about it, they’re telling us that the woman is so literally full of shit that she can’t even get her clothes on. I don’t want to be around when she finally erupts.
I like the “Boing” commercials. I just like the word and sound “boing”, I guess. I don’t own Nikes (Converse Chuck Taylor high-tops, thank you very much), but just this ad wouldn’t stop me from buying them.
Now, as for commercials I hate:
The one for some sort of carpet cleaner (Resolve?) where these two demon-spawn kids keep spilling things on the carpet (grape juice, tomato sauce, etc.), and bawling “Mommmmmmmmm!!!” at the top of their voice after each spill, to which Mom (not even looking up) says “That’s OK!” What is she, on Quaaludes? These kids are annoying in the extreme; it just makes me want to smack them.
Definitely the Matthew Lesko ads. I have holes in my remote from stabbing the channel-changing buttons in a desperate attempt to change the channel before his fingernails-on-a-chalkboard voice penetrates my eardrums.
Hi Opal!! (Woohoo! I’m not a “Hi Opal!” virgin anymore!)
The thing that annoys me most about the new Joe Isuzu commercials (trivia bonus—the actor is David Leisure) is that they have COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN what (briefly) made the campaign charming to begin with: Joe would say, “This car only costs fifteen dollars!” and the bumper beneath would say, “He’s lying.” Etc., etc., very funny for the first time or two you saw it.
But now, they just have him as the generic car pitchman: “Hey, how does zero-down financing sound?” BORING, is how it sounds.
I miss the original Carvel ads, with old Tom Carvel sounding like he was having a stroke: "Hey, this kid’s sure enjoyin’ his Fudgie the Whale, he sure is just stopinatyourCarvel . . . uhhhh . . . " [falls over].
The one that drives me nuts is the radio commercial for The Shane Company, a diamond jewelry store. I am reminded 10 times an effin’ day that 2 month’s salary is worth it for the woman I love!
These commercials begat more commercials from the local jewelers who now think they have to compete.
That stupid life insurance commercial that I’ve seen lately drives me crazy.
A wife approaches her husband in the kitchen:
“Do you know Billy Lipshitz?”
“Sure, I saw him last weekend”
“He’s dead”
(husband with astonsished look on face)“Oh my”
wife:“he was only 40”
husband: “I’m 38, that could be me”
wife: “What would I and the kids do?”
husband: “look I’ve got $100,000 insurance” (but the cold hearted money grubbing bitch doesn’t stop there)
wife: (wining)“You know what we spend”
husband: “we just can’t afford more insurance right now”
<cut to insurance rep> “Don’t put your family in danger because you think you can’t afford any more insurance”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What the hell is wrong with these people!!!
Good call on the Shane Company commercials, Ivar. Tom Shane must have THE worst voice for doing radio promos ever. Just for kicks I visited their web site a couple of weeks ago and told them how bad Tom sounds on his radio commercials.
In the same vein as the Anne Murray commercials are the mind-punishing commercials for “Songs 4 Worship”. I mean, just listening to this commercial makes me wonder how some of those “artists” have avoided being smited. I know that the meek are supposed to inherit the earth, but does their music have to be so wussified?
Eve! What memories…I forgot all about those old Carvel ads. That gravelly-voiced Tom Carvel always sounded like he was in the middle of eating one of his Brown Bonnet[sup]TM[/sup] ice cream cones.
[Tom]
“Hey, folksh, please come on down to Carvel, and try our delicioussss Cookie Puss ice cream cakesh. For St. Patrick’s Day, we’re featuring Cookie O’Puss.”
[/Tom]
Really??? No kidding!!! Yes, I know this sap is so in need of validation that he has to get it from owning a cheap-ass car. But the “take” in my earlier post was an (apparently misguided) attempt at humor. I still think its a toss-up as to whether he forgets he has a new car, or is so pathetic he has to get his love from a car. And, boy, do I sympathize with the wife, I groan at this dolt too.
Has anyone seen the new Ovaltine TV spot?? I believe they also air it on radio as is. Some kind of mobile Ovaltine vendor at an ice skating rink is selling hot Ovaltine to kids. The acting is so bad that I have serious doubts as to whether the commercial is done in complete seriousness. There is obvious pandering to the camera and the whole setup looks just so damn fake. I am actually quite surprised I’m the first one to it.
Actually, McDonalds’ commercials have always bugged me. They’re so utterly… bland. They’re the Ned Flanders of burger joints. Does anyone remember this one?
“Your kids are… geniuses!” (Three kids in the back seat suddenly sport Einstein wigs and Groucho glasses."
“And they’re going to grow up to be… doctors!” (The three kids are now wearing white coats and stethoscopes.)
Then there’s the ad where Ronald McDonald takes karate lessons wearing a plaid bathrobe, stretches his arms out to silly lengths, etc. etc. Some psychologist once remarked that Ron McDon is the only clown to be routinely mocked by all children of all ages, even without being told that it’s cool to do so.
It makes me glad to have Jack in the Box around. JITB is the most sardonic of all burger joints, and its humor has a sinister edge, too. I mean, think of it: this guy is a freak! He has a horrible Y-linked genetic deformity! And the commercial where his mother reminds him of how difficult his birth was? shudder…
I hate, hate, hate the ones for the invisible braces. Basically they all involve humiliating someone who wears conventional braces. The most annoying one involved a teacher, thin, blond, and with perfectly straight teeth basically pointing out to all her students a classmate (little pudgy Jewish-looking kid) that he had visible braces, then whispering to her co-worker about how neat her new invisible braces were. The message I got was ‘if you wear visible braces you are an ugly troll and deserve to be taunted.’ I mean, come on! Are we that shallow?
And I cast another vote for drowning the Pepsi girl. She sits on top of all those ‘let’s exploit the cute child factor’ commercials like a purulent cherry on the whole shrieking, giggling adorable kid sundae. Gaaaah.
Oh god yes. And here’s the thing. I don’t watch much TV at all. And yet, the few shows I do find myself watching are all seemingly sponsored by Hardee’s AND NOBODY ELSE. Yesterday while watching the daily Simpson’s rerun, that commercial came on FOUR times. Once for each commercial break.
I also agree with the Dorito’s supermodel tennis commercial. I think part of what bugs me about it is that I’m so obviously supposed to be drooling over the woman, but I find her utterly unappealing. In fact, I like the guy originally playing better, because he looks kind of like Beck. When she gets slammed with the chip, I think, “Good, Beck can play tennis again.”
Finally, kudos to whoever mentioned talking baby/dog commercials. Every time this happens it is clear you can hear the ad exec pitching this idea: “And then at the end, the bay suddenly says something sassy! THE BABY TALKS, FOLKS! WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO DO THIS!” Well guess what, so does everyone else, and they use it all the time. Hell, these days, I’m more caught off guard if a baby or a dog in a commercial DOESN’T talk.
“Bert Weinman - your TV Ford dealer” - in Chicago. Hated the pitchman. Is he still on up there? That was one of the reasons I moved south. Of course, local commercials in Arkansas - worst is Furniture Factory Outlet, but maybe no other arkie dopers…?
Oops! I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to post that twice.