What did my truck ever do to you, ya smegma sammich?

It was just parked there, wasn’t hurting anybody, wasn’t doing nuttin. Why’d ya have to ram into it like that. Now its got a big ol dent in the frame right behind the drivers side door. I’ll have to look at that every time I get in my truck, you ass juice cocktail.

I mean Jesus Fuck, I don’t even know how you managed to hit me there where I was parked. I can only take the small satisfaction that there were several pieces of broken red tail light lens on the ground under the dent so I hope it did more dammage to your car than my truck. I hope you get pulled over for having a broken taillight, get arrested on some outstanding warrant, and be made somebodies bitch in jail. May you be fucked the way you fucked my truck!

Parthenokinesis wanders away, silently weeping (in a manly way, I mean, damn, it was my truck)

a) I don’t think you can post a manly rant and use the word “sammich.”

b) That sucks about your truck. I assume it was a crash ‘n’ dash?

Dr. Seuss fan?

In defense of the word sammich, he did say it was a smegma sammich. The modifier helps, imho. :wink:

Yes, but that was accidental. I read it after I posted and thought, “Hey that rhymes… not in a terribly clever way though.” :smiley:

Agreed, smegma lends some cheesy substance to the informal use of “sammich”.

Yeah, and though I was in and out of my truck 5-6 times last night, it was always on the passenger side, so’s there’s only about a 10 hour window in which it could have happened. Now when I get into work tonight, I’ll have to see if I can sweet talk copies of security cam video from mgmt.

Yeah, I was following a sammich thread in MPSIMS and it stuck in my head. But ass juice cocktail is manly, right?

Yeah, I’ll give you a pass on “sammich” this time. Hey, if it’s manly enough for the guy who drives a damn bus around, it’s manly enough for me. :smiley:

And good luck with the security people. I imagine it’d be very satisfying to catch the guy who did this.

Sorry, but anybody with a name that means “virgin motion” in classical Greek is starting off seriously handicapped in the manly-rant department.

The words “sammitch” and “cocktail” don’t help either, although the various obscenities, threats of violence, and grammar and spelling errors redeem the effort somewhat. (Gee, what a positive picture of manliness that paints, don’t it?)

At least give him points for “ass juice cocktail.” That’s a good one.

Oh, it’s a good one all right, but it just doesn’t have that vibe of swearing stomping macho manliness that the OP seemed to be striving for.

“Gallon of ass juice”, yes. “Barrel of ass juice”, yes. “Ass juice cocktail”, no. Too dainty.

Yeah, you don’t stick your little pinky finger out while holding a gallon or barrel of ass juice.

I can’t agree with a guy who wishes prison rape on someone who dented his truck.

Sorry to all who might have been offended by this, but “I mean Jesus Fuck” made me LOL

Rant kind of reminds me of Open Letter to the Guy Who Stole Bruce’s Bike Wheel from the Kids In The Hall

sturmhauke: I can’t agree with a guy who wishes prison rape on someone who dented his truck.

Neither can I, but it definitely has that swearing stomping manly-rant ring to it. I’m all about the artistic form in this thread, to hell with the content.

(It happens to me when I see classical Greek words like “parthenokinesis”.
Partheno…kinesis…my, that’s pretty. Who cares what it means?)

Never owned a truck, huh?

Hey prison rape is the end all revenge wish. And anyone who would smack my girl like that then run away faster than the brave Sir Robin deserves the end all revenge wish. Hangin’s too good for 'em, burnin’s too good for 'em, they should be tied to the bedframe with the shredded remains of their trousers, gagged with their own soiled underpants, and gang sodomized until enough permanent damage is done to their ass that they have to wear a colostomey bag for the rest of their life. Then, they should be forced to eat prison food. And after that, they should go pound sand.

Aw, come on. Think of virgin as “first time” rather than “never laid”. It’s like a toddlers first steps, see. Nothing feels cooler than the first time you move in a way you never have before.


Actually, I have. It was an old beater that I finally got rid of a couple years ago. More recently, someone kicked my side view mirror and broke it clean off. Sure I was pissed, but I didn’t go around screaming stupid shit like this:

Bolding mine.

Umm… I’m no expert on colostomeys (or even colostomies), but I would think the first part would kind of preclude the last one.

Or, as an acquaintance who was similarly inconvenienced (the colostomy, not the rape) once said: “People used to call me an asshole. Now I don’t even OWN one.”