Thinking about Lillith Fair’s thread about backing up on the interstate got me thinking about what I call people while I’m driving - I’m not one to yell stuff out the windows, so I generally go with the mutter, just to make myself feel better, but not to set off road rage in other drivers.
My typical muttering has become “dikfer” as in “dick for brains”. It amuses me slightly, and keeps my temper from soaring too much.
Do try to keep it relatively clean - this is IMHO, so maybe ***s instead of typing out full words if they’re particularly offensive. Mods, this is a poll, so I put it here instead of the Pit, but I debated for a while. Please move this if you feel it’s more appropriate.
If what they did is annoying but not dangerous, I usually say “Punk!”
Unless they are tootling along slowly and they weigh more than me, in which case I call them “fatty”. (Funny anecdote: One time I made a “fat face” at an oversized woman in traffic (puffed out my cheeks with air). She threw her Cheerios at me. I suspect the irony of that was lost on her, but it caused me to laugh spontaneously for several days. :p)
If what they did is dangerous, then I use a very, very wide range of expletives.
I’ll call 'em a fuckstick if they do something that seems deliberate, like sneaking through a red light or going 20 mph over the speed limit in a residential area.
I am also often heard to exclaim, “Pick a lane and drive in it!” Can’t stand idiots who meander down the middle. grumble grumble
Wow, someone else uses “cheesedick”? I had thought that was my own creation. Anyhow, “cheesedick” is for the average idiot (guy who cuts me off, old gal who’s doing 40 in a 55 in the left lane). The dangerous ones, or the ones who are clearly malevolent, earn the moniker “cckf**er”. I think I pretty much own the patent on that one too. (On a side note, it’s extremely hard to make that recognizable without actually typing a swear word.)
I don’t usually get too riled when driving, but I tend to use the word *children * a lot, in a very scolding, patronizing tone, like, “Children, green means go,” or “Come on, children, let’s pay attention please.”
My dad, on the other hand, is quite fond of big green turd on wheels (or whatever the color of the car is). He uses this one all the time.
For minor offenses, I shout “Nice!” and give them the thumbs-up sign.
For more ongoing or serious grievances, I usually give some variant of, “It’s all complicated and confusing when you’re first learning to drive, isn’t it?”
In reterospect, as this is not in the pit, I have decided to put spoiler tags round my original text. and a warning that there is strong language within them.
I don’t have one that I use every time, and I haven’t driven much, but as a bike rider and generally bitter pedestrian, some of the words I use are ‘tosser’ ‘fucking pleb’ ‘shit for brains’ ’ stupid cow’ ‘move, dick face’ ‘take your time, fuck face’ ‘fucking hell. there are other people in the world you know!’ ‘bring your brain with you next time dickhead’
Of course most of the time those are uttered in my head only.
Another one I’ve remembered, which is an approximate phonetic rendition of when people jump in front of me making me brake in the fast lane (and yes, sometimes I’m not speeding )…
I know it’s not Polotically Correct, but I make “retarded sounds”. High pitched, inarticulate noises that sound as if thinking causes pain. Think The Brothers Grunt.
